Glad i found this.

Hi guys, i have been masturbating ever since i was 13 years old. I dont think ever since i started, there has been a single phase of my life where i didnt masturbate. I am a strong believer that My habit has lead me to where i am today. I am not in a disaster state right now but not from it too. If you look at my life from one angle you might think there is nothing wrong with it, but from another angle - i am at a place where no one likes to be

I have no personal life. I dont know if i want to blame my masturbating and extreme porn habits to blame, but nothing else answers as much.

Only about a year ago, I ever so slightly felt that what i maybe doing is causing me harm ! That is the biggest concern, i never knew what i was doing or how it was affecting me.

I havent had a relationship or a girlfriend till now. There is nothing wrong with my personality or anything. I have been considered a good looking guy by my friends and family, a bit shy but still charming and i always put a smile on peoples face.(i feel silly saying this)

When i look back through my years, i realise how much i have missed on my life and my opportunities, it can all be put down to me being absolutely addicted to masturbation without even knowing it.

In school, all i wanted to do so was go to my room with my laptop and find porn to masturbate. Please note! I was always happy to do so. I had very bad social skills however, an example - one day a girl i dint know,complemented and started to flirt with me, i also flirted and accepted. But what was my response? Going home that day and masturbated while thinking of her. TRUST me on this, when you do this, you loose all motivation and energy to actually go and talk to the girl and do something about it. In my mind I had already done it. In my opinion, Masturbation doesn't necessarily drains energy from you at that age, BUT it definitely drains the MOTIVATION from a person. That was just one example. Everything was just about sex to me. I had various crushes throughout, not once I ever told anyone about my feelings, rather just think about them, and masturbate to them and feel satisfied about my actions. I always had mood swings, sometimes after masturbating i was insanely happy, while some times angry at myself, at my family for no particular reason.

During college, it became more about Porn, because i had so much access to it, i.e alone in my room away from home. All i did for the four years was just to stay home and enjoy my time masturbating. Wow, as I think about it writing this, i feel like crying and so shallow inside, what have i done with the most important years of my life! My college life! Anyways no girlfriends in college too. Same thing getting a crush, wanking to her thought till i got "over" her and move on. I did average in my college academically. I.e nothing special there too, so overall a very dull college.

I was getting extremely worried about loosing my virginity and felt that, my only hope was to do it with a prostitute. Boy what an experience that Was!
There was absolute NO erection, i was shocked as hell, i hadn't thought of not getting an erection ever in my life. The girl was beautiful. I couldn't even ejaculate that time! Ever since then,my life has taken a twist, it has never been back on track, not that it was to start with but at least I was happy with myself.

Only then I had started to look online about young healthy males having similar problems, i was amazed to see that masturbating and porn Could be a potential cause. Because i was not able to perform with the prostitute, i was in seriously low confidence mode to even think about sleeping with a girl that i actually Like! I tried to have sex with other girls again, tried it several times, failed almost every time. I actually felt scared about sex!

I kept trying to quitting porn and masturbating, i was always happy whenever i tried to do so. I know that this is the only answer, i have to completely quit this habit, whenever i did so i lasted about 4-5 days, 17 days max. I felt super strong and amazingly happy with myself during those times, but relapses happened, and the cycle started again! I know now that this is the road i have to take.

I am also positive about the approach of SExual TRansmutation. I hope to master it this time, i want to be my own master, i want to be the controller of my urges, I want to have a complete life. I am at a stage where i have absolutley no friends right now, but even this doesnt bother me now, as i have started my final promise of NoFap. You just kinda know that this time is the one. I can see my self succeeding.

The reason i shared all this is because it gets a lot of burden off my shoulders, i feel good about myself. Trust me guys, its not what you have done so far that gives you motivation to do good, but its what you are about to do that keeps you motivated in life. I hope to get all the support from the members of this forum.