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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by xerneas4u, May 13, 2022.
God and I defeated masterbation and porngraphy and sex.
This kind of thinking is extremely dangerous and, quite honestly, very foolish. This is an addiction, not a bad habit or a bad choice we occasionally make. In my experience and from everything I've seen, there is no defeating this thing. there is only the fight against it. We fight it, or we lose, plain and simple.
I see you reset your counter today.
AA does use a higher power to conquer addition and it does help some people. If you can get through your addiction without believing in God, good for you but don't put someone down who has been helped by him
I'm not putting him (or anyone) down for being helped by God, or whoever they have as their higher power. All 12 step groups that use the AA 12 steps as a guide customized to their own addiction is a VERY good thing in my opinion. My point is that for someone to say that the addiction has been defeated, as in the addict is no longer an addict and is no longer affected by the addiction, is not really the case for the VAST majority of us addicts. So if an addict gets some help and has a small period of time where the addiction is not a problem for them does not mean that the addiction has been soundly and completely defeated and will never be a problem again.
I'm sober 16 years in AA by the grace of my higher power and the 12 steps. I also agree with what you said but your first statement may have been misinterpreted. I agree, depsite living happily sober from alcohol and drugs and free from the obsession and compulsion to use thanks to my higher power, I know for sure my addiction hasn't been "defeated." In fact, it's sitting quietly in my brain waiting to pounce. It's waiting to tell me I'm no longer an alcoholic and addict and some casual drinking would be fine. This thing is cunning and baffling and contingent on my spiritual condition. Thanks for making a point to highlight the dangers of thinking the addiction is defeated. I completely understood what you were saying and did not think you were putting anyone down for using a higher power.
Thanks for your input and CONGRATULATIONS on 16 years of sobriety!!!!!
Thank you!! Greatly appreciate it!!
I drank recently after 5 months free of it. Definitely recognize that no good can come from it for me.
AA has worked wonders for me. My life did a 180 as a result of becoming active in the program. It's amazing. I would suggest giving it a try. Find some meetings in your area, get a sponsor, and work the steps. It's life changing.
According to my personal 30-years-based experience ... this is a bad habit or a bad choice we make, not an addiction.. But that's only my experience, point of view and current (successful) mindset.
I think it all depends on what you mean by "defeating our problem". In the last 7 years I've feeling I have gained power over my PMO-thing (don't like to call it addiction, sorry). Sometimes I still PMO and sometimes I go for months (like currently) without it, but it's me the one who decides, I'm not doing it on autopilot anymore. For me, that and having a great happy normal life I always wanted to have is the meaning of "defeating".
Don't need more, don't deserve less.
If you don't think of this as an addiction, then why are you.here? I'm NOT saying you shouldn't be here by any means, I just don't get why you're communicating with addicts.
I'm here because I used to PMO several times a day almost every day and in the last years I don't do it anymore. Here there are many people who are in exactly the same situation I used to be and it would be great if I could help someone telling him what worked and what didn't worked for me. Besides, you know, our mind is always trying to trick us, and being here often reminds and reinforces me why I've decided not to consume P.
Okay, fair enough. I must say I really disagree with someone being "cured" of theis disease called addiction. So, in your opinion, was it ever an addiction for you? Because if it wasn't, I think that's something you should probably take an honest and hard look at, having PMO'd several times a day. If it was, what specifically makes you think it's not anymore?
You defeated pornography? That's probably the reason why pornography is non-existant nowadays, you defeated it.
Dude, in any case, you defeated your addiction, not all those things.
Wait, isn't this a place of recovery, yes?
How is recovery possible if we can never be cured?
It didn't really fit with the concept of addiction to me because doing something you want to do and you've made it a habbit is not an addiction. I never ever tried to stop before meeting my wife, then I tried to stop for her, not for me. It didn't last more than 2 or 3 weeks. Besides, there never was tolerance and/or escalation. I always liked the same kind of P content and never consumed for more than 1.5 or 2 hours. It didn't affect my work or my concentration. I wasn't thinking about it all day long either, it was just a daily routine/habit that I liked to do if I had the chance.
I went to therapy once and the therapist also didn't call it an addiction.
Besides, I haven't got any withdrawal symptoms when I tried to stop.
It's not anymore a problem because P doesn't excites me as much as it used to. In the last 7 years most days I don't do either P or M and when I do, I'm done most times in 5 to 15 min. It's been more than 7 years since I had a "PMO session" that lasted more than 45 min. I had several long no-PMO streaks too and currently I'm "experimenting" with no-P (more than 160 days, the yellow strokes on my counter are the M-days).
It's not a problem, but I wouldn't dare to say I'm cured. Like you, I also believe this is not something one can simply affirm is 100% cured. Most times I don't feel like consuming P and doing M, but the tendence to consume P or doing M whenever something goes wrong or affects me negatively is still there. Not with the intensity it used to be, but still there.
It all depends what you mean by "recovery". If you think of recovery as going back to the life you would have got if P didn't enter you life ... I'm afraid that's not possible. But if you think of recovery as RECOVER the control of your life and your feelings, RECOVER the passion of doing things and feeling again with lots of energy ... then ... that's perfectly possible!!!
My passion now is learning languages, not consuming P. All my extra energy goes to learning languages, not to consuming P.
Clearly the latter, lol. Thinking the former is even possible is just a bigger fantasy than P itself. I'm sure this is different for everyone, but I refuse to call myself a PMO addict if I have a year of sobriety and am living a different life.
I think we're going to have to agree to disagree because I can see that I will never agree with you on this.