OrthogonalToast
Fapstronaut
I hope I would have the moral strength of character to do this, but I also don't know how much advice I could realistically give until I'm fully recovered. But there are aspects to my experience that I think are rarely talked about but quite important.
No, because people are too judgmental. I am not robust enough to deal with the fall out from public disclosure but I wish it were otherwise.
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Deleted Account
Guest
I have thought about this for a while now. Here is my take on your question:
I would have to go public about it in a small way, very subtly. Then, I can open more and more about when it's appropriate to do so. This is based on the idea of how people perceived you in the past, and how they will react when something that goes against their perception of you: that is when the most damage is done.
For example, two people you know: one of them you knew was a trouble maker and the other you knew to be a decent guy. Then, some major news about both them come out... how would you feel about the trouble maker after that? How about the "decent" person? The troublemaker, you would dismiss it saying, "nothing new there." It the decent person you'll be more in shock of: "I never imagined that was possible." Your perception of the trouble maker never changed, but your perception of the "decent" person has been changed for the worst.
That is what I would do first: get it out there in subtle ways, then go fully open about it. That way, it softens the blow upon finding out.
I would have to go public about it in a small way, very subtly. Then, I can open more and more about when it's appropriate to do so. This is based on the idea of how people perceived you in the past, and how they will react when something that goes against their perception of you: that is when the most damage is done.
For example, two people you know: one of them you knew was a trouble maker and the other you knew to be a decent guy. Then, some major news about both them come out... how would you feel about the trouble maker after that? How about the "decent" person? The troublemaker, you would dismiss it saying, "nothing new there." It the decent person you'll be more in shock of: "I never imagined that was possible." Your perception of the trouble maker never changed, but your perception of the "decent" person has been changed for the worst.
That is what I would do first: get it out there in subtle ways, then go fully open about it. That way, it softens the blow upon finding out.
SergioCon
Fapstronaut
True.
Yep, its like maslov hierarchy of needs, survival needs are main focus in overall.
its important to remember that nobody really gives a fuck, and you shouldn't either, unless you have inner calling to do it, otherwise it pointless
Way too real. But yeah people are seriously apathetic.
No. I am pretty sure I would get odd looks by a majority of the community and then try to get pressured to re-enter the trend by negative people, they seem to have so much fun with that for some strange reason. Many people claim to be unique and different but would probably still go with the flow of the stream.
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Guest
Being a single man with no dependents I would be open to the idea, but not until I had some serious sobriety time under my belt. There is no point in me talking about the problem if I'm not living the solution.
I think that construct is fundamentally flawed. For example, it puts sex as part of the foundation with breathing, drinking, eating etc.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs was created as he studied and observed monkeys, noticing their unusual pattern of behaviour that addressed priorities based on individual needs. Quite honestly, I think he would have been much better studying and observing human behaviour!
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I would only make my addiction public to certain people in certain places. When I was first trying to overcome P, I went to a 12 step program for sex addicts. We had several people in a circle being open and honest about their struggles and we held each other accountable. It was awkward at first and a little uncomfortable and embarrassing. But it was necessary as I was living a double life and couldn’t keep hiding my addiction. After a while, it wasn’t awkward at all and I actually enjoyed going there. After a while I stopped going because my church started its own 12 step program so I started going there. Again, no judgement at all. I even knew some of the people there.
I also opened up to two different therapists. Talking about the intimate details of my addiction was indeed embarrassing but it was their job to listen and to keep things confidential.
I also eventually opened up to a few church leaders and my girlfriend. All of this got me out of the shadows and set up some accountability for my actions.
And you know what? It worked. I haven’t looked at P for almost 15 years now. (I’m on NoFap because of a masturbation and fetish addiction)
Addiction thrives in secrecy. If it is no longer a secret (by being very selective as to who you tell), the healing process is significantly accelerated.
Do I recommend it? 100%. Sometimes we have to get uncomfortable and do the difficult things required to heal.
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sparrow1234
Fapstronaut
I don't think that's necessarily true. For people who are shallow in their judgements, sure. But for anyone with a modicum of reflection would realise that a "decent" person revealing their own weakness is in fact a sign of strength and humility, the capacity to be vulnerable which, in my eyes, makes that decent person even better.
Just think, for example, how much we all benefit from learning that someone else suffers from the same addiction! Just imagine how much more comforted you would feel if you learnt that about someone you really respected.
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Deleted Account
Guest
That is key: anyone who can actually reflect on it and accept other people of their faults. The problem here is that not everyone does this in today's age.
True; that is why I am here in this community is because there are so many people who are like-minded and are on a similar journey. However, I came to this community, knowing full well that there are addicts that trying to beat their addiction. My perspective have not changed since I came here, but I do feel better about being here and opening up about it.
Longtime27
Fapstronaut
There's certainly been times that I've loathed porn and my addiction so much that I wanted to publicise it to help parents protect their children from what is now a ubiquitous presence / plague everywhere online.
I have seen some material (www.brainheartworld.org) and some courageous souls make publicity work (they even have merch for anyone who is brave enough to wear anti-porn t-shirts.
Ultimately courage with exposing the issue is probably the only way it becomes less taboo and more understood and accepted.
So far my public honesty has gone only as far as telling some friends. I'm not saying never, and I hope that maybe I might find the courage to give back to society and perhaps help steer others from making the same mistakes
I have seen some material (www.brainheartworld.org) and some courageous souls make publicity work (they even have merch for anyone who is brave enough to wear anti-porn t-shirts.
Ultimately courage with exposing the issue is probably the only way it becomes less taboo and more understood and accepted.
So far my public honesty has gone only as far as telling some friends. I'm not saying never, and I hope that maybe I might find the courage to give back to society and perhaps help steer others from making the same mistakes
tsukuyomi16
Fapstronaut
I would talk about my experience on national television if someone asked me to/gave me the opportunity, I used to daydream about it. But its not like I have a career in media so that probably will never happen.
Telling friends and telling the general public are different things. With friends I'm not tight with, telling them would just make them uncomfortable. But a large crowd, there is a certain kind of indifference that you can take advantage of.
But also its such a shameful and taboo topic that it might be better expressed in sous-text, so the crudeness doesn't offend and open the speaker up to mockery, idk.
Telling friends and telling the general public are different things. With friends I'm not tight with, telling them would just make them uncomfortable. But a large crowd, there is a certain kind of indifference that you can take advantage of.
But also its such a shameful and taboo topic that it might be better expressed in sous-text, so the crudeness doesn't offend and open the speaker up to mockery, idk.
nomo
Fapstronaut
No, I don't want to be labeled and judged. Have you noticed how the best recovery groups have the word anonymous in their title? There's no need to put anything personal on social media. If you want to talk to other people about PMO go to Sex Addicts Anonymous - SAA or find an accountability partner.
tsukuyomi16
Fapstronaut
Good point about the anonymity thing. For the sake of argument, though, things like alcoholism, AA, they don't really need public discourse about it, because everyone already knows that alcoholism is bad. With porn, many people are saying its good for you and its healthy.
I started watching porn around 12 years old and wasn't until two years ago that I even heard the opinion that porn was bad, and that's after I sought out that sort of opinion myself personally. Kids are growing up into a world where watching porn is good, normal, expected, and encouraged. I think some people sharing about the concrete evils of porn would be good, so that the issue can be treated seriously by as many people as possible before its becomes a real problem for them, like it is for us.
So on a personal level, yes anonymity is important so that judgment and shame don't prevent some from seeking help, but on a societal, a communal level, I think sharing these experiences publicly is completely necessary.
nomo
Fapstronaut
For sure you have a great point about spreading the word that porn is dangerous. I think that message is out there, but if you feel like you need to share that with others you should. I have told a few friends that I don't like porn because it can consume too much time. It's just not something I feel like I need to post on social media. It's like politics, I keep most of my opinions off of social media and only share my potentially "controversial" views with trusted friends.
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Deleted Account
Guest
Given that I'm not married and have no family to worry about, I wouldn't mind talking publicly about the dangers of porn. The problem, though, with talking about the dangers of something, is that it's only the beginning of the discussion. The rest of the discussion has to be about providing solutions and then showing, by your example, that those solutions actually work. If the audience doesn't see a genuinely joyous person talking to them about the beauties of a porn free life, well, then they're not going to take on the suffering that life requires. I mean, if both people seem unhappy, would you bother putting in the effort?
While most of us lament that we're porn addicts right now, I don't think enough of us think about how we can, if we recover, be future educators and guides for those looking for a way out of porn addiction. I don't know about anyone else, but that sounds like a pretty fulfilling future.
While most of us lament that we're porn addicts right now, I don't think enough of us think about how we can, if we recover, be future educators and guides for those looking for a way out of porn addiction. I don't know about anyone else, but that sounds like a pretty fulfilling future.