Going too hard on yourself

I guess whenever i try to quit,i go too hard on myself,behaving like a perfectionist who wants everything perfect in his life.I had this delusion of living in the moment which i call the now delusion.I wasted my energy on thnnking about now.I didn't think about the past that caused this addiction.Neither did i think about my future goals and that is how i lost against my impulses every single time.I think we should be mindful of our thoughts but we should also allow ourselves to feel the past and also think about the future and not make this fight against addiction like some sort of armageddon.

 

I have personally discovered that whenever i go too hard on myself,my unconscious at that time is actually trying to bury the real uncomfortable things.Just today,i was feeling really uncomfortable and i just went out and smoked a cigarette...i have quit smoking but i think what my unconscious was doing was that it knew that after smoking i will feel guilty and after smoking i would have to feel that guilt so my unconscious chose to feel that guilt rather than feeling the real suppressed emotions.I am feeling that guilt right now while i am typing while as the uncomfortable thought that made me smoke in the first place doesn't bother me now....