Things are going well but I'm still scared, I know he hasn't PMO'd for approx 3 months of not a bit longer now, and pretty sure he hasn't M'd fully for at least a month. Until the other night my concern was that he'd gone quiet about everything and I didn't fully know where he was really at with everything. He had been alot more maybe not completely open about who hes been in contact with saying alot more than he used to (he was such a closed book before) there was a very small issue that I'd noticed he'd been in contact with ex mother in law (maybe he forgot) but in the whole scheme of things that's not huge. However that small thing is niggling as I'm not sure if hes lying by omition or genuanlly forgot. Our sec life has improved greatly. Ive just finished reading a great book, the barefoot investor (Australian) and the other night sat down and told him I was going to follow his financial steps. PA mentioned we would be better off combining our finances doing it (which we would) but I said no I'm not ready. I explained that even though we have been together 2.5 years it's too soon after everything that's happened in the perfect relationship I would have been ready. ( he has brought the subject up numerous times in the past but I'd always known things weren't right) He totally understood. He said it was a big thing for him to do that as he's lost a lot with relationships breaking up in the past and that's him saying this one is forever. I understand that as I have also and it makes me feel great he wants to take that step, but I also pointed out to him that he'd said that while I was blind to what he was doing (He understood). The conversation then turned to my fears that even though its going great I'm still scared its going to all blow up in my face again, I still have a lot of anxiety over it and still wonder. He reassured me that even though he hadn't spoken of it (because he didn't want to ruin our good times together) he hadn't not thought about what he'd done. He apologized (that it wasn't about me) and said that his biggest disappointment in himself was that he felt he'd brought shame to his family name (even though no one else knows). And that he had not been the person he wanted to be. I told him more of how I'd been feeling and showed him this site and how I was seeking support from others. He said he's realized it's done alot more damage than he thought. I'm about to head into 3 night shifts then hes flying home (we both live and work away from family and our home town) I wont fly back for 1.5 weeks after him. This is all making my anxiety levels go through the roof I'm really nervous about it all. I feel like canceling my next round of work and just going back at the same time to make sure everything still stays on track and there are no opportunities to lie.