Gone from lust/energyfilled to frustrated/creepy - losing it here guys

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Bonhomme, Sep 4, 2018.

  1. Bonhomme

    Bonhomme Fapstronaut

    First time doing this and guys I seriously didn't expect this. I'm currently on day 17 without PMO and up until a few days ago I felt energetic, filled with "healthy" lust and outgoing.

    A bit over 2 weeks of retention I'm feeling creepy and even crazy. Creepy in a way that I keep involuntarily glanzing, turning my head or even straight out staring at girls.

    I get weirdly (and greatly) aroused by things I feel shouldn't arouse me that much - like non-sexual pictures of female friends, or just stupid things - seriously, as I'm writing this a girl moaned in a ridiculous scene on bloody Family Guy and I had to stop my hand from going to my crotch.

    I also feel like masturbating in weird and fetischist ways I've barely even considered before (I'm not even comfortable giving any details).

    I felt like I've read up a lot, and from my search I guess I shouldn't be chocked but I seriously didn't think I'd have these sort of problems (from what I've heard from porn addicts, my father included, my habits are far from the deeper problematic behaviour most are dealing with) - that's what I get from thinking too highly of myself I guess.

    I love the feeling of being aroused, but I can't keep feeling like acting like a straight up creep.
    And I love the feeling/relief that I'm sure I'd be able to get an erection with a girl, but like this I'd last for seconds if even that.

    Seriously, how the heck do I deal with this? When and how will it settle?

    I think the only thing keeping me from M is the fact that I'd have to choose between admitting to you guys I relapsed or give up this forum. So thanks for being here.
  2. Take a deep breath. This is expected.
    A couple weeks in you're very sensitive down there. Also right now your brain is freaking out, trying anything it can to make you give it what it has been used to.
    Keep your goal in focus. Keep your plan in the front of your mind.
    If it's hard come here like you are now.
    Also get out of the house, away from being alone as much as possible.
    This stage will pass and you can beat this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2018
  3. One huge help and necessity in the battle is finding a new habit.

    You’re going to have a vacuum when you try to get rid of porn from your life. That vacuum is either going to pull porn right back into your daily routine or you can have another healthy habit drawn into your life.

    For me it’s been wall climbing. Been going to the gym regularly now. I started in July and am now hooked. Bought my own shoes, harness, chalk, and chalk bag. It’s my new passion instead of porn.

    And I’ve been getting back into an older passion I’ve already had, traveling. Been going out of town once a week on my days off.

    Find a new healthy passion. Something you’ll love and throw yourself into. Something that will result in healthy interactions with others. Something that will result in you becoming healthier.

    Find a new passion and you’ll find your path away from porn.
    Bonhomme likes this.
  4. Amen! Remember we’ve all had slips and falls in our progress. Many times we’ve said why bother? I’m going back. But remember the consequences and remember the wonderful rewards for those that succeed.

    If you stumble keep coming back. We are all supporting each other through thick and thin.
    Bonhomme likes this.
  5. Sayonara

    Sayonara Fapstronaut

    Getting aroused by non-sexual, or slightly sexual, things is absolutely normal at this stage. As you abstain from PMO, your brain is straining to receive a sexual outlet and the dopamine rush that PMO gives you. Your brain will now pick up on ANYTHING it can get its hands on to get your sex drive going.

    During NoFap, you'll have times where you're highly arousable and times when your stone cold nothing, but they'll come in waves. Whatever is happening is normal and nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. You are working towards a positive thing.. Work your way through it with your goal in mind.
    Bonhomme and im_broken like this.
  6. Bonhomme

    Bonhomme Fapstronaut

    Wow, thanks guys. I wrote this before going to bed (I live in Sweden) and as I woke up I saw all of you responded within an hour, really gives me faith in these forums and my progress.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Bonhomme

    Bonhomme Fapstronaut

    Thanks, man. Encouraging words. I'm honestly really worried, I've had the goal of just ridding myself of P but as I progress I'm starting to feel like abstaining from M would help future relationships passion-wise, but I'm really worried about the sensitivity. Did you experience sensitivity or PE at points, and if so, did it get better?

    Thanks! I never imagined anything else, but the shame in admitting a relapse does keep me on track. I won't go anywhere if I slip, but I keep telling how badly I don't want to have to announce defeat if I do.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Bonhomme

    Bonhomme Fapstronaut

    Great points made. A part of this is actually to get back to music frequently and getting new hobbies, like working out, and so far I'm heading in the right direction (writing music again and got myself gym clothes, membership and will try out 5 x 5 lifting).
    I really want to change my life towards a "just do it"-attitude (as cliché as it sounds), rather than the "why bother" one I've been struggling with great periods of time. - Content, not comforable. Sort of.

    Thanks, again!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. I didn't have really fast PE but it was definitely faster than I wanted when it was very sensitive. This also calmed down and was normal soon.
    Bonhomme likes this.
  10. Bonhomme

    Bonhomme Fapstronaut

    Studying addiction and abuse has actually been part of my current education, but I never thought I'd experience something like this myself (the sense of fighting my brain, sort of), let alone from PMO - I really recognize most of my cognition from what I've learned and treated with alcohol- and substance abusers and your words really helps in understanding what the hell is actually going on in me right now.

    Your words about it coming in waves, and just hearing it's to be expected from someone else really boosts me as well. Thanks, man.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Bonhomme

    Bonhomme Fapstronaut

    That's very encouraging. I guess I can't do much but powering through and see for myself. I guess handling/worrying about PE should be a low priority for me at this stage.

    Glad to hear about your own progress, congrats!
    Deleted Account likes this.

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