Good sex life is not about sex

Good post!

 

Truth.

@need4realchg
Did you come across tantric sex, and especially making love in Yab Yum position? It is a very powerful and beautiful practice for love making.

 

That's the same mindset about sex that I discovered. But I must be honest - It is hard for me to follow that mindset and not fall back in the 'I want to bang as much as possible'.

How did you guys achieved this mindset and are you ever having problems with 'relapsing' (in the mindset)?

 

I think have made several excellent points with your post. Sex is about a connection between the two participants. It is about an emotional bond. Sex is part physical and part emotional - both are important aspect of a positive experience. PMO interferes wit teh emotional connection. I know that that has been true in my marriage.

I really enjoyed reading your post - so many of us focus on the physical exclusively.

 

I hear you man! I feel so aswell, I need small steps that gradually increase. I tried to do a 90days challenge, or No PMO forever - what they all had in common ist that I did well for some time and then relapsed heavily.

I need something that builds it up slow, that allows me to relapse sometimes aswell. If I do 30days with NoFap and then relapse I might relapse so heavily that it was all for nothing or completely stop my NoFap path for a period of time. But if I learn how to deal with resets now, the habit that will be developed will be far stronger than otherwise. Especially when I still increase the goals.

On another note, did you happen to have that monk from Kung Fu Panda as a profile pic? Your name sounds familiar, I think we both followed a thread from an (I think) Indian guy who tried to work 12hours a day minimum. Do you know what happened to him?

 

Well it echoes a lot of your ideas and what others are saying on this thread.

Let me say something first. I will always respect someone that tells me ''I don't like sex and I want to be a monk / priest for the rest of my life''. If this is your choice and you are happy with it, then you have all my support.

The issue with most of the people here is that they are born in a very sexual environment (media, porn, advertisement etc), and they still have sexual needs and desires. Most of the monks in Asia or ''healthy priest'' are born and have been educated that way since young age.

So rather than ''fighting'' to repress sexual needs, and making yourself unhappy (by falling into addiction or by beating yourself up because you don't stick to it), it would be more helpful to embrace your needs, to be honest with yourself, and to express them in a blossoming way.

Tantra is all about recognize the Divine in everything around us and in ourself. Also, the sexual part of Tantra is to acknowledge that sex is Life, we all come from sex, and sex takes us to a place of absolute present (when you have an orgasm, nothing else matter, the world can collapse you wouldn't even realize it).
It is also all about respecting the other's consent and boundaries, and to create a ritual around sex where it will be worshiped as sacred.

By taking the time to connect with your partner, by looking into eachother's eyes (the door for the soul according to Tantra) and by matching your breathings, you take the time to create a space where sex will be respected and enjoyed.

There is a lot of different practice, and I invite you to have a look as well in the Puja ceremonials (I have done it myself and it is very powerful).

 

What do you think would be a "blossoming" approach on expressing our sexuality in modern society?

I agree with your points. I though feel that the way we express ourselves in that regard are very narrow, and that we need other ways to let this energy go, or else we get trapped, as you said, either in sex adiction or compulsive masturbatory habits.

 

This is a very subjective question.
Everybody need to find their way in their sexuality first, and then be proud of it to express it to others.

I often say to my clients that sex is and should be like talking about our food habits. Everybody is doing it, everybody is doing it differently, and a lot of people are ashamed on how they do it.

But if you talk about what you like to someone, and you find out that this someone like the same things, you will share it together to make it even more pleasant.

I also think that the more people will talk about it openly during normal conversation, the more we will break taboos and we won't have teens that are lost in what to do (this is even more true for consent and how to share pleasure).

 

I still work more than 10 hours every day man. just that I am short of time these days not updating threads. my streak is going fantastic and I am working hard as ever. I still have flatline bouts when I cant accomplish anything much but those depression days are reducing.

 

Wow man, nice to hear from you! Congratulation on your streak and Work flow, Good luck to you!

 

started that productivity thread all over again brother. thanks for reminding.

 

Cupid's poisoned arrow by Marnia Robinson addresses the issue very well.

Intimacy is better than sex. Mindfulness is the key to being fulfilled on all levels.