Got engaged and had to change

Hello everyone,

It's my very first time participating to any kind of forum, but this post is important to me as I hope it will help others.
Been watching porn everyday since I had my first laptop back in 2008, I'm now 30 and I can say my sex life before I met the woman of my life was miserable.
I was always getting drunk before sex so I had an excuse to explain why my penis was not hard, or even pretending to be sick to explain why I was so shit in bed. I only wanted to have sex with girls I knew from Tinder and always had to make sure we have no friends in common cause I was too scared that she would make fun of me, my performance, size of my penis etc...

I'm not trying to be cocky when I say that I'm quite "OK" looking but it's just so you understand where I'm coming from and maybe it will help others. I had many girls liking me over that time (During my twenties) and even though I liked some of them back, I never wanted to go further cause I was afraid of disappointing them once in bed.

I liked to preserve the idea they had of me, I even made up stories of "non existent" girlfriend in another country to give girls an excuse of why nothing is happening.

Until I met the best woman in the world, she knows nothing about my secret that I'm sharing with you all (Porn addiction), and I did not know about it either until I started doing some serious research cause unfortunately even with the woman I love, I was struggling to get an erection. It was so embarrassing and she started thinking something was wrong with her, I could not accept that. I must say that many times I took tablets to have an erection.

I realised that it was the porn addiction that damaged my brain so badly and while I was having sex with her I had to think of films I watched in the past to keep the erection going. She does not deserve that. Seeing her naked didn't make me react at all and that got her to think she is not attractive to me.

Porn really destroyed my confidence, when she says she enjoys sex with me I refuse to believe her, I always wonder if she is faking, I'm convinced sex was better with her ex partners. But despite not having great sex we love each other SOOOO much and I proposed to her and she said YES. So I really really have to change.

I had sex yesterday after 26 days without watching Porn and it was by FAAAAR the best sex in my life, even I knew she loved it. I usually try to finish quick with her and not change position cause I'm scared to lose my erection if I do so (I know it's pathetic), but this time it lasted so long we had a few different positions ( first time can you believe it), and I loved every moment of it, I'm becoming the man she deserves and the man I thought I'd never be.

This morning I ordered my coffee to the waitress with confidence, not looking down or away or at my phone.

Even writing this messy post, not very well structured makes me feel better right now. Apologies in advance if I didn't explain everything well but don't hesitate to ask me any questions now. I'm not scared now to write about that and I'm sure by helping others I'm helping myself.

I'm still gonna spend a lot of time reading other people posts in order to help myself.

Thanks for reading

Ps: In this 26 days I did masturbate but not to porn, I'm 2 days away from reaching 30 days which is the first time

 

Thanks guys, I try to think of her and the amazing improvements with my every day life that I achieve, like talking to people without looking away as I talk that's just amazing to me. 30 days tomorrow )))