Got lost somewhere along the way

So recently my girlfriend and I have been having some issues! I'm super confused right now and would appreciate any advice!

To give you a bit of background, we have been together nearly 4 years and are very close, like best friends! But recently we emigrated away from home together and have been living together nearly 5 months. We have always had a very loving relationship but have had some issues as well. She was there for me when I first discovered my addiction and every time I was depressed and even when I was in rehab for porn addiction.

Our sex life is something that I get frustrated with. I guess because of porn I've come to have certain expectations as regards sex. We do have a very loving sexual relationship but have had issues mainly to do with me wanting more and this turns her off I feel. Which makes it harder for us to have a healthy sexual relationship. I feel like it is not as fulfilling as it could be and I crave more diversity in our sexual relationship. I have always been a very sexual person, even whilst I was discovering or before I discovered PMO I had a very active imagination. It is a huge part of my life I feel and I guess it's important for me to not view P or to PMO obviously as I am recovering from Porn Addiction but there needs to be a balance also.

The way I'm feeling is having the following effect on me:
-I feel less enthusiastic about our relationship.
-it's like I'm trying to convince myself I still love her
-I feel like part of the spark is gone
-I constantly doubt myself because I don't know if it's the porn talking as I have had a few close shaves recently and a lifetime before that of PMO.
-Seeing hot girls everywhere in this city, has me objectifying as well which is something I need to work on and could be part of why I feel I'm missing out.
-Maybe even though I haven't PMO'd for nearly 100 days, the times I have come close, or viewed P/P subs have been like relapses for me and set me back.

Anyone else have similar experience or any advice? Thank you Fapstronauts! It feels good to be part of a community like this. I would never have been able to say this out loud to her. I'm hoping to have a good chat with her soon once I clear my head a bit and figure shit out.

Also I'll add that I hadn't smoked weed in 2 years or so as I gave up smoking it when I first quit PMO and didn't go back to it until this summer. I have smoked on a few occasions and maybe it has a part to play too but I don't know. Apologies for the length of the post.

 

Hey Slavic, thanks for the reply.

I am 24 and she is 22. We are 4 years together in December. I went for a long walk and have cleared my head of the cobwebs and was mainly thinking back over the time we have been together, me & her and I have to say it helped a lot to put things in perspective.

I understand entirely what you are saying in your reply. I might be getting too lost in my PMO problem and not giving enough attention or listening well enough to her. Also because she has been so supportive it must take a toll on her too.

I guess that now we are living together things are slightly different. Before when we were back home and not living together we used to do things like you mentioned at the end of your comment like walks and cinema, maybe we need to do that more and make more memories together. It's something we were really good at at the start, doing a lot of things, fun things, together.

I'm concentrating too hard on the sex side of things and obsessing over that side because I feel I have lost something (PMO) and need to make up for it somewhere else. I can't remember the last time I just allowed our love-making to happen spontaneously without me forcing it. It's something I need to work on but for now I have to stop blaming her and take it easy on myself a little bit too. I'm so lucky to have someone like her and I need to stop and appreciate her now, before it's too late.

How long have you been abstaining from PMO? Also does your GF know about it too?

 

This site has helped me a lot and I envisage it becoming more and more populated as time goes by. We are the brave ones, the warriors who are ready to face our demons and no longer use PMO as a crutch like a child has a blanket.

On another note, near to 2 and a half years ago I finally told my girlfriend about my porn addiction and I was terrified and I mean really afraid she would judge me and laugh or worse be really disgusted and leave me there and then. But she surprised me by being so accepting and by being there for me and it allowed me to take up the courage and put myself into an educational rehab programme for generalized addiction (because in my home country there is still no porn addiction rehab). I was lucky that my health Insurance paid for it.

It was a huge moment for us and was the time when I decided that this girl was the one for me. She is beautiful and courageous and has always treated me normally when I have felt so abnormal. One of the things I was taught in the centre for rehab was that communication is key. I feel like I should note that it did take me a while to pick up the courage and tell her. I don't know whether it's advisable to tell your GF or not but if she is the one you want to be with then for a long time and you don't see yourself with anyone else then should she not know?

just a thought!

 

No worries brother!

That's exactly it man, it makes me feel like such a dick!! But it's only when I'm in relapse mode that I have thinking like this, as regards sex. Even looking back on my first post I know that when I was talking about my expectations of sex I was acting out in a big way.

It works in the sense that I keep her informed of how I am doing and she is involved in a big way. For me this is the same with every addiction. Communication is so key. As long as I communicate with her it helps the both of us lead normal lives and I'm not constantly disappointing her with relapse. The other thing is that when I am having an emotional relapse which is one of the stages of relapse I am a total asshole which doesn't help our relationship at all.

Best of luck Slavic! This journey is a tough one. Keep posting!