Graphic playing cards at a bowling alley

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Rockyroad, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    I have a small dilemma. I am in a bowling league where my teammates use playing cards as part of competition. Now this was just recently purchased by one teammate but the cards have pornographic pictures on them. I wasn't sure what to do last week as I did not want to discuss NoFap to my teammates. I covered up the front picture with my hand so I could only see the number and suit. When I dropped a card, I avoided eye contact with the face up pile. It was not an enjoyable experience and I tried to act nonchalant.
    I want to keep this situation private but I also do not want issues from my teammates.
    Thoughts?

    This will be an issue for me, one day a week, for three games.
     
  2. Tough situation. I don't think there is any easy way out but maybe that's what your rebooting here will require, taking the path less travelled so to speak?
     
  3. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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  4. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    It is difficult because I am at day 25 of hard mode. I have been avoiding all of this. I even had a dating app that I have been avoiding to make this transition as clean as possible.
    I could tell them that I just can't participate but it seems like I'm only doing that to avoid paying. Unfortunately, that seems to be the only logical way to do this. If I participated, I would look like an idiot... covering up the pictures.
    I didn't really think this would be an issue, as cards have not given me the strong urge to masturbate. But sometimes you need to walk that lonely road.
    I do realize that this is a minute issue but one that I have been pondering as I want to do this to the best of my abilities.
     
  5. It gets better. These are dark times we're all going through.
     
    Rockyroad likes this.
  6. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    Any other thoughts on this idea? I feel that my participation, even with trying to ignore the images, will be similar to a restart (yet it will not lead to M or MO). I am guessing that I have to mention to my teammates that I cannot participate for personal reasons (those did not exist before).
    I am already at day 27 of hard mode.
    Thoughts?
     
  7. ReadySteadyGo

    ReadySteadyGo New Fapstronaut

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    Rockyroad, you could be proactive, assertive, and upfront about it - without expressing that it's about fapping - just the broader picture. You could lead with this, instead of being embarrassed and trying to hide it, or avoiding it. Taking this approach may also open up some of your buddies to progression and ideas they hadn't previously considered. How?

    In your shoes: I'd bring a clean set of cards. When the cards are about to get whipped out, I'd intercept and say - firmly - "I'd prefer to use these", opening my own set. Don't wait for 'permission' - just do it. Deal those cards, or whatever it is that gets done with them.

    If any questions come up, or the mockery starts; know this: The weakest people in a group will always try to get the group to mock someone strong enough to stand up for their own convictions - those who take the mockery route are actually the weakest in the group - the ones most threatened by the 'challenge', and not prepared to let others be 'their own person'.

    That is why I'd be extremely strong. firm, and calm in my response. I'd come in with a response, said with conviction, that quashes mockery by saying somethig along the lines of the fact that their attitude is a sign of weakness and that it's pathetic to objectify women - the core reason it goes on is rooted in fear of women, nothing more - and that it's retarded and counterproductive, not productive. If anyone still wanted to mock and try and get the group to go along with it, I would hand them a print out of the following page and tell them to STFU and read it:

    ETA: I can't post the link, because I'm new here. So if you google the following paragraph, it should be the top result - it's on the "goodmenproject" website:

    And, the less developed a man is, the more animal-like and unconscious his behavior will be toward women. In other words, for guys who have very little ability to self reflect or a limited self-awareness, they live seeing the entire world as object where they can get something, rather than seeing object as a relational interplay.

    YMMV, but I am assertive A.F. and I will always speak my mind and be an independent thinker - I find the total opposite of shame in that, it's strength not to follow an unthinking, sensate herd. So I say: Lead, don't follow. And never be afraid to be the lone voice in reason in a room full of idiots!
     
  8. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    ReadySteadyGo has the right idea. There's no need to do acrobatics trying to dodge the issue. Just address it head on. You can go the route mentioned above, or you can try something else, like pulling the guy who brings the cards aside, and telling him you aren't comfortable with the pictures. Supply him with an alternative deck, and your in the clear.
    Whichever one you choose, the key is to not be apologetic or embarrassed about it. If you apologize, even a little, the group will smell blood in the water. If you're strong about it and state it simply, you may get a little bit of teasing, but they will respect you for it.
    Anyway, there's no need to apologize. You're doing a good thing.
     
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain likes this.
  9. I agree with readysetgo.
     
  10. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    ReadySteady and IcyWeb have some good ideas. You need to speak up. You are doing something good for you and your relationships. You may not be the only one that could be helped by a reboot. Try to keep the relationships, but, above that, stay clean.
    Put your cards on the table.
     
    Dontfap2016 likes this.
  11. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately, my thoughts about new cards or a different set will probably not dissuade the group. For a while, we had been using non-graphic cards and many asked when were going to bring back a P card set. They do not want to use a set without those images.

    I honestly feel that my best move is to just tell the team captain that I can no longer participate in the card games due to the cards. If asked, I will say that it is a personal decision and I will need to stick with it.
     
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  12. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    You know the situation and can make a better decision than we could. We can only make some suggestions. We will be here awaiting good news. We are with you through to your new you.
     
  13. Steve Sancteria

    Steve Sancteria Fapstronaut

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    I think it´s not the proper way to cover all unexpected triggers and live in fear that relapse is just a dumb coincidence away.
    Just don´t give a damn about it, if you want to go for a long streak, you have to learn to handle these triggers.

    Something I just don´t get is, why do people think they lose like their entire life when there is a chance of relapse?
    If you go for 25 days and relapse and then learn from that relapse, then you improved yourself, you gain experience, you become better handling triggers and how to avoid them etc, stop living in fear while you do NoFap, you try to handle one problem by creating another one
     
    Fatsodubmo likes this.
  14. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    A good point. A lot of the time we live in fear of triggers, like they can actually force us to do something. Triggers can be different for different people, though. On some days, I can see something that would usually be extremely triggering, and just shrug it off. On other days, I see something mildly triggering, and the rest of my day is screwed up with urges that I just can't shake. Often I've let these lead to relapses and binges. I believe we should eliminate the triggers we can, and learn to ignore those we can't.
     
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  15. Steve Sancteria

    Steve Sancteria Fapstronaut

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    exactly
     
  16. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    I feel that my issue is slightly different. To be honest, I am not worried that the images will lead to a relapse or to binging. I have progressed over the years in types of P that it does not do much for me. My main issue is on the unconscious level. The reason I bring up this problem is to better understand how dopamine is released when looking at images and how the brain can become rewired. I feel that those images will slow down the process of rewiring. Am I wrong in this assessment?

    I am guessing that the avoidance of such images will decrease the amount of time needed for a full reboot. Does that make sense?
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2017
  17. Steve Sancteria

    Steve Sancteria Fapstronaut

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    that big chunk of dopamine, that bursts down your receptors, is released when you have the orgasm, watching P and stuff is not as strong as that
     
  18. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    Makes sense to me, although my experience in that is limited. I have noticed that before genuine trigger seeking, I seek pictures of women out, not intending to become aroused (yeah, sure), but just for the aesthetic appeal. For me, that leads to relapses, so I imagine that it is revving me up on the semiconscious level, and would do the same to others in the long term. Or at the very least, lengthen the reboot process, like you said.
     
    Rockyroad likes this.
  19. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the thoughts on this issue. I'm probably over analyzing the situation. More than anything, I do not want anything to deter my progress.
    I can also understand how an image might not be an instant trigger but could rev yourself up for a potential relapse. I also realize that most of the recent case studies, especially on the website 'yourbrainonporn.com', relate to the problems with high-speed internet more than stationary pictures. It would be interesting to find out how significant the different truly is.
     

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