I have been dealing with a lot of emotional roller coasters since Dday#5. It has only been about 2.5 weeks, but it feels like longer than that. I can only go from day to day and make no promises to PA. I feel like a mess. One day I feel sad and depressed, the next day I feel good and like we are going to be okay. Then the next day I feel unexplainable agitation, restlessness, and inability to find joy or to even think. I try different foods, different music, different environment, sex, masturbation, movies, reading, anything that might take this strange feeling away, but NOTHING works. I am sure I am not the only SO that has felt this. So, I wanted to reach out to others and offer a resource that I found. For me, it explains so much of why I am feeling this way. The resource is called PartnerHope. It is an online blog with useful articles written by experts in betrayal trauma and sex addiction. I read today "Complex Betrayal Trauma & Emotional Dysregulation" and it helped me understand why I am having trouble with the rollercoaster emotions. I have been through this many times with my PA and this makes it a complex case of betrayal trauma. It makes it so much harder to trust and relax and feel safe and secure. The last times I did so, I got hurt again. I am on constant edge and on guard and I am afraid of becoming vulnerable and getting hurt again. I also read "Trying to Find a Shortcut" this explained why I feel better when I am with my husband sexually and intimately, but then that feeling fades and doesn't stay. And finally, for the SO's like myself who cannot stop searching, spying, looking for other signs and proof of lying and betrayal read "Why We Shurlock", parts 1, 2, and 3. Those articles spoke volumes to me!