Identifying triggers is pretty easy - avoiding them is another issue
Being home alone with my computer is pretty obvious, my brand was porn, phonesex lines and chat sites where I would chat with women
Eventually this led to me having sex outside of my marriage and my wife leaving me - I'm uncertain as to whether she knows the full extent of my addiction but I'm sure she knows enough to make her decision
As I continue my journey to self awareness through study, one issue remains unresolved: if my relationships have been lacking physical intimacy, is it healthy for me to remain in a sexless relationship?
This particular TedTalk highlighted some issues for me to the extent that I even had some personal counselling with this speaker who seemed very sympathetic to people who engaged in physical intimacy outside their marriage
Proviso: I take full responsibility for my actions and the consequences of my actions and I often play out conversations in my head with my wife about how I would do anything to get her back and that I can't just accept her "No"
Obviously I can't go back to the way things were and that permanent results require permanent changes - I listened to Tony Robbins ultimate relationship program which suggested (among other things) that one person must commit 100% to the other person, giving unconditionally for at least 90 days before attempting to draw any kind of conclusion about the relationship
I'd love the opportunity to try and maybe this whole situation is a blessing in disguise because this is the major effort I've ever made to address and attempt any kind of recovery
I see the benefits as: the clarity and peace of mind that comes from honesty, confidence, better sleep, less time wasted, clarity of thought - really the most important for me is the first one, just knowing that I am on one clean and simple path and eliminate that secret dark side would be a huge relief
Can anyone relate?
