1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

GROW UP - Men posting in the "Women's Reboot" forum

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by MrBlue201, Apr 3, 2020.

  1. Also, it's not a "women's only" section. If it was, then that would mean the other journal sections are also only for those age ranges, and nobody else from any other age range would be allowed to respond. That's obviously not the case. It's just a way to organize the journals so people can find other people more easily.
     
    Anakin66 likes this.
  2. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

    329
    881
    93
    The difference, I think, is that on street you can't know if someone is struggling with anything you could even hope to help with or if they'd be even open to recieving help. Here you can pretty safely assume that everyone is here to seek help with pmo addiction.

    But - as has been stated before - there is an exclusively women's section on this forum and you are free to use that if you're uncomfortable with men reading your journal. I can't change your cynical view on humans, but let the women who don't share it have the other women's section as it is.
     
    Deleted Account and Anakin66 like this.
  3. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    Thank you forr informing me, I actually wasn’t aware of that. I still don’t see the point of an open-to-everyone gender specific section

    I’m not uncomfortable with the fact that a man is reading my journal. I am uncomfortable with the fact that it will trigger them one way or another.

    Age is obviously on a different level than gender. Gender is the essential trigger for most sex/porn addicts. I don’t see why gender should even matter here then. Why not have everyone post about their PMO addiction struggles regardless of their gender? I don’t know of alcoholic meetings where they segregate by gender, because apparently you can only relate to a neurobiological illness (=addiction) if you are of the same gender? Again, age is not comparable. Age correlates with life experience which psychologically affects the way people will deal with their addiction. Gender makes no difference in the way someone deals with a broken reward system. So I still stand by what I said. Either women and men post specifically about issues related to their gender, physical or otherwise, and not trigger anyone else, or they discuss any other addiction-related issues with the whole community. At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own actions and choices. It’s not fair for alcohol or cigarette addicts to ban alcohol and cigarettes for everyone so they don’t have to deal with being triggered anymore. In the same way can’t we just not have the opposite gender exist anymore so that we don’t have to feel triggered. But this website is supposed to be a safe space for people to heal where at least temporarily they can be free of triggers. No alcohol or cigarette addict is going to heal if their roommates or spouses keep drinking or smoking in front of them. And as said, from personal experience I can say that male and female relations on this site are often fueled by addiction. Just recently I had an active user who was married and even had a picture of him and his wife as a profile picture, message me suggestively after I had posted in a thread about the differences between male and female sex drive. Now his profile is permanently deleted, because of the guilt and shame, I assume. And instances like this are definitely not rare.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2020
  4. That's why, as pointed out very frequently in this thread, there's the ONLY women section, if you post there only women will read.
    Maybe I will say something that will surprise you, but you know, there's lesbian too.
    They're women, still they can be triggered.

    Speaking to everyone
    I think that trigger in this site is kind of overused.
    For a wicked mind, everything is triggering, if someone want to be a moron there will be no rules to stop him.
    The public women section is for the women who wants to have a journal that will be read most likely by women because only women can start a thread in there, but they're comfortable also with men reading, because they're friends with them. I commented myself journals in there, and I can tell how much and which too.
    You know why? Because they were my friends, I met them around the forum, we became friends so I showed support on their journal, and they did the same on mine.
    I am sorry for what happened to you @PornSux2019 , but it happened also to me, and my only fault had been to post the real me as propic, a man found me handsome(guess it's real that too much P make u blind ;) ), so he tought it was okay to let me know that he was keeping on relapsing thinking about me and my little friend, and to leave his number in case I wanted a more private chat, because Italian guys were his things.
    So, should we ban all gay people?
    Or should we understand that the guilt of a single moron can't be payed by all the gender?.
    Public women section should be our prove to the world that addicts are not misoginist, that addiction has no gender, and that recovery can be for everyone.
    We can't transform it in the final evidence that we're not able to share.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. That's okay. You don't have to see the point of it. A lot of other people do and are happy to have it. If you don't want to use it, you don't have to.
     
  6. I love that point! I will say, when I first found this site, the women's section is what showed me that I was welcome here. Not just meaning the feeling of being welcomed, but I literally didn't know if women were allowed to join this site. Seeing the women's section immediately answered that question for me, and I knew I was allowed to join and encouraged to be a part of this community. Also, if the women's section was only private, people who haven't signed up yet wouldn't be able to see it and decide if this is a helpful space for them to join, and personally if I were a woman wanting to join I would feel a little bit like they are saying the women are allowed here, but only if they keep to themselves and don't talk to the men, which would definitely turn me off to joining the site. I think having both a public section and a private section is the perfect balance to make everyone happy and give everyone a space they can use.

    I think having a women's section that is open to everyone is important and valuable, and I don't really get why people who don't like it even have to say anything about it. If you don't like it, don't use it. Maybe it isn't for you, but other people are finding it valuable, so let them have what they are finding value in.

    There are tons of threads out there that I don't like, that I find triggering or stupid or unhelpful, but some other people find them helpful, so whatever. I just ignore those sections.
     
    fg4795 likes this.
  7. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    Again, what is the point of that? What is the point of a woman writing "today I had a bad day and I relapsed. I feel guilty." compared to a man writing it? Why does gender matter?
     
    Leader of ME likes this.
  8. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    I think you completely missed my point. I specifically said, we shouldn't do that. This is a website where people come for help with porn addiction, some of these people are extremely vulnerable, that's why there are rules for creating certain topics, why there are limitations for profile pictures, why there is an option to put a trigger warning when creating a post. So why do these rules exist when it's apparently so easy to just act self-control? I understand that it's hard to objectively determine where to draw the line, where to restrict own's own freedom in order to help others, but I feel like a section that is specifically made for women (porn addict's brains are extremely sensitive to visual cues that relate to their addiction, as in browsing the internet for porn aka women) serves zero purpose when everyone could just talk about their addiction regardless of their gender. See:

     
  9. It doesn't.
    Many women use their age section for their journal.
    You're asking me something you should answer to.
    Because to me there's no difference. When I relapse, I update my journal, because I like to keep track, I like to share, and writing helps me to think about what happened.
    These are my personal motivations, they're mine because I am like this. Not because I am a man, not because I am 24, not because I am Italian. Simply because I am me, and I find it useful.
    There's plenty of man that find journaling stupid and don't track their relapses, it's a personal choice.
    Still ,as @Castielle said, just because you don't see the point of journaling and you're a woman, this does not mean that all the women don't see the point in journaling.
    It's a free world. You're not forced to use that section if you find it stupid, after some months in here, I started to avoid myself some sections, because I don't find them useful, still they can have their section if someone find them useful.
    I mean, there's no harm in doing a journal in that section, even if only @Castielle in all the forum would use it, why should we prohibit it to her?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    Sorry but it's pretty pointless to converse with you, as you keep twisting my words. I never said I don't see the point of keeping a journal. I said I don't see the point of keeping a journal in a section made specifically for women. If you are not able to see the difference, then I can't help you. I guess the conclusion I can draw from that is that there is in fact no point in that.
     
  11. Don't want to be rude, but you had your problem in another section, not in the women, so again, morons are just morons.
    If someone wanted to find some trigger they could find it also in this thread, they could track all the women in here that agreed that men should read their journal, and think with their wicked minds, that this means that they want attention from them.
    It's not difficult to draw the line.
    There's no line.
    You're helping or you're disturbing. Period.
    Women section is open because we can be friends with women, but still is a specific women section so that nobody has the exscuse that they fodnd the journals by mistake, you must click three times to find a journal of women.
    So you can't be triggered by a woman, you decided to get triggered.
     
  12. Then explain to me what I should have understood.
     
  13. Like I said before, it's fine if you think it's pointless, but other people don't and enjoy having that section. By this logic, we should also wonder why there are age specific sections either? The main reason is that it makes it easier for people to find others who might be dealing with similar things to them. Women do have seen specific struggles that men don't necessarily understand, just as a 60yo man might have some struggles that a 20yo man might not understand. Therefore, it's nice to have things organized so that people can more easily find people they connect with.

    I personally find it nice to have a women's section for several reasons that I've already mentioned here, such as making it clear to new women stumbling upon the site that they are welcome here, showing the men around here that women struggle with this too which helps humanize women more for some men who might have messed up views of women from porn, etc. I've already mentioned several reasons throughout this thread that I, personally, think the women's section is beneficial for, even if I don't often go there myself.

    There are probably other reasons plenty of women enjoy having a women's section where it's easy to find each other, but honestly it doesn't even matter. There are obviously a lot of people making good use of that section of the forums and who find value in it. So if you don't find value in it or see the point of it, who cares? Don't use it, then. Not everything is for everybody. I personally find zero value in many different sub forums here, but I don't need people to explain to me what the point of them is. If they like them and find them useful, cool. It's really not that hard to just use the forums you find useful, and not use the ones you don't.
     
    PornSux2019 likes this.
  14. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    You seem to imply that I am wanting to limit women’s freedom on this site by not letting them keep a journal. Which is absurd because I am a woman myself. I am saying that there is no need for gender segregation when it comes to writing journals, especially when such segregation leads to being a potential trigger. Everyone is equal in trying to overcome an addiction, a neurological problem. Giving advice on how to handle urges and relapses is not dependent on gender. Relating to someone's addiction problems and potentially becoming friends because of it is not dependent on gender either. Whenever there are issues discussed that might be triggering in the context of porn addiction, then that should go to a specific section labelled as containing triggers.

    Being attracted to a woman has nothing to do with having a wicked mind. It’s hardwired into your brain and there is nothing you can do about it. Being attracted to the opposite gender and thoughts/images of sex is also hardwired into our biology. Only that an (active) addict cannot control that state of mental arousal as well as a non-addicted person can. Therefore I am advocating for not having a section labelled “women in reboot” as it serves no purpose other than further fueling someone’s addiction, as there are plenty of addicts who get a dopamine rush from "sexting" with women (aka knowing it is a woman that is describing her sexual struggles) and getting virtual attention from a female they feel attracted to, as porn addiction is all about pixels, imagination and sexual attraction. Otherwise why not let me just post a profile picture of myself in a bikini because surely someone making me responsible for relapsing is just being a moron, right? Surely there will be addicts who are only triggered by women wearing blue overalls, so the one’s that are triggered by women in bikinis, it’s just their own problem then, I guess. Self-control is the solution to everything, no rules or restrictions necessary, since anything can be triggering to anyone. At least that seems to be your logic. As you can see, it is indeed hard to draw the line.

    There is not much point in discussing our difference of opinions. The only objective and fair way to handle this issue would be a majority vote, and it seems like the majority isn’t bothered by the women in reboot section. But that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to question its purpose in relation to its harm, as I am sure there are users that have relapsed because of it or that are actively avoiding the women in reboot section. That’s why I think taking away an option that has no purpose (a woman posting a journal in a section made specifically for women vs. a woman posting a journal in a section made for everyone) isn’t restricting anyone, and only helps to make this a safer space. I am open to being convinced otherwise, but I haven’t heard any convincing argument as to how gender segregation on this site serves any purpose, which was the essential point of my contribution to this topic.
     
  15. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    Thank you for elaborating, I think these are valid points for singling out women as porn addicts. I think my judgement is clouded by my emotions right now after feeling guilty of causing another user to relapse and maybe do further damage to his relationship with his significant other, although I shouldn’t. I guess I should take some space from this topic for now.
     
    Deleted Account and Leader of ME like this.
  16. Actually, the only right way to handle it would be to let Alexander do whatever the heck he wants with his website. But majority vote is generally taken into consideration as well, it seems, and as you said, most everyone seems to like things the way they are in this department. But yes, of course you are free to say you don't like it.

    This is the part I don't like. Yes, of course you are welcome to speak your opinion, but here you are stating it as if it's fact. The idea that the women's section serves no purpose is your opinion, and it serves a great purpose for lots of other people.

    You also state as fact that removing the section wouldn't restrict anyone, which is also not a fact. That's your opinion, and many people would disagree.
     
  17. It doesn't.
     
    PornSux2019 likes this.
  18. I know the feeling, but you really shouldn't feel bad about that at all. We are not responsible for other people's triggers unless we are being intentionally triggering, which it clearly doesn't sound like you were. If someone is blaming you for their own problems, that's on them.

    I remember when I used to have a picture of myself on here as my avatar - literally just my face and fully clothed shoulders - and it caused an uproar, with people blaming me for them relapsing because of my picture. People, especially addicts, will ALWAYS find a way to blame someone else for their own choices. It's best to ignore those people and remind yourself that you are not responsible for them.
     
    PornSux2019 and Anakin66 like this.
  19. PornSux2019

    PornSux2019 Fapstronaut

    14
    72
    13
    I thought using the phrase “I think” would make it clear that I am only expressing my opinion and not stating hard facts, as basically any thoughts being expressed are by definition subjective, other than historical and scientific facts. But okay.

    I appreciate your words and I guess you’re right about not being intentionally responsible. But I don’t feel like addiction is really a choice. Of course, a picture like you described shouldn’t be a problem in a normal world. But for a porn addict it’s different. Their brain is conditioned to get a dopamine rush from anything that is made up of pixels and triggering their sexual instinct. Just like an alcohol addict gets a rush from drinking alcohol. They will never be able to have a normal relationship with their drug of choice. But as said, that isn’t a justification to restrict all people in this world who are able to enjoy something normally without getting addicted to it. Or restricting other people in their personal freedom just so they don’t trigger someone else. The only choice an addict has is to avoid their drug of choice and learn how to deal with temptations. And at least during that early phase of learning, I think they/we should be able to do so in a mostly safe, trigger-free space. So even though it isn’t rational, I still feel guilty because I feel like it isn’t always a choice. But I’m not sure what to think anymore. Maybe you felt the same, even though I’m not sure what your motivations were behind not keeping that picture as your avatar, but it’s also none of my business.

    I would still like to ask with not having much insight into the forum, what is the difference between the private women’s section and the public women’s section?
     
    Stream07 likes this.
  20. I don't think it's entirely a choice, but there are definitely choices involved. But even if it's not a choice, it still wouldn't be your fault if someone was triggered by something you said.

    Yeah, I'm gonna get into this debate again. If a man is allowed to have a picture of their face, and I am allowed to have a picture of a man's face, there's no reason I shouldn't be allowed to have my own picture or a picture of a woman'a face.

    Yep, that last part is the key.

    Well I personally don't feel guilty at all if I didn't do anything wrong. But you can feel however you want to feel, of course.

    One is private and one is public... lol I'm not sure what else to say about it? That seems pretty straight forward. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't know how to answer that question.
     

Share This Page