Guide: How to own this. Going 90+ days and beyond. Part I

Introduction:

Hello,

I'm 24 years old and I've been a porn addict since I was 13. A few weeks ago I decided to write a step to step guide how to reach 90+ days. Seeing so much guys, failing again and again after just a few days made me think. Maybe they would profit from a more hands-on guide, that brings a sort of structure to follow with it, something you can look into, when you feel like you need some advice, what to do in a specific situation. So I started working on this. It took me a lot of hours, but I think if we all could set free from this addiction, our world would be a better place, because we're simply more happier, more positive about our future and feel more connection. Ok, now you might think: Wow, a 90+ days guide by someone who has 4 Days on his counter? Fair enough. I discovered NoFap in August last year and I've been basically porn free most of the time since then with just a few resets and no binging. My most successful reboots were 191 & 137 days and I simply want to pass the knowledge and insights I gained. I just finished this first part containing week 1 & 2. It's not perfect, but I think it's good enough to help. If you're already past 2 weeks in your reboot, it doesn't matter. There are a lot tips that also work for later days.


Before we start, it's probably a good idea getting rid of all your porn. It's a sign of commitment that you're a willing to separate from your old-self.
I got rid of all my porn movies, before I started my first streak and it gave me a huge drive, a sense of strength and freedom.
To be honest, I kept a collection of psubs like bikini pics and stuff that was on an external hard drive I collected since puberty. I had a special connection with this one. When I reached 60 days I bought myself a necklace, as a sign for my progress I would carry everyday with me, but I felt to really earn it I had to let go this collection first. It took me a lot of courage, but I deleted it.

What I want to say with this little story is: Don't hurry. The right time will come. But please be aware everything that stays with you can be a trigger under certain circumstances. I would recommend to put things you can't let go right now on an external hard-drive and store it like somewhere high on your carpet and put a sticker on it: 'Are you sure?'

And keep in mind: At some point you'll have to delete it anyway. I believe everything we own is an attachment in our brain and makes change only harder.



So let's dive in:

Week 1 – The Detox


The first days, the first weeks are just about detox. We need to get the images, the constant dopamine highs out of our system. We need to get back to our natural state of being. The detox happens naturally, all you need to do is collect days. See the flashbacks, the withdrawals as a sign of healing. We will feel like we got a bad flu, but it's not because we're doing something wrong, it's because we have been poisoned for too long. Going back would only mean swallowing the fake potion of the industry once again. It may cure the symptoms, but not the root of it. It's just temporary. And the more potion we drink, the more we will need. It's a never ending circle.

So just detox. Day 0 and Day 1's are liars, if you know what I mean. Your mind comes up with a lot of reasons. But it's time to breath the good fresh air of freedom. Get used to it, it get's even better.

To stay in this detox mode you should invest in a few things & habits. Don't worry, it's nothing to crazy. See it as an investment in yourself. In your happier self.


#1 Buy a personal book for notes (I will get more into detail later) & install a Day counter in your room, where you can check every successful day. It may be good to even have a second one in your bathrooms or near where you tended to reset. NoFap's counters are cool, but a real one is more motivating, because you can do it yourself everyday.



#2 Tidy up your room. Oh no! But yes! 80 percent of my resets happened at night and while my room was in a total mess. When your room is tidy & structured, you're head is likely to be focused as well. … & fill up your fridge! Seriously there's nothing worse, then being at home late and you got nothing to eat. You need some good food for your soul in this stressful situation you're in. Otherwise you'll seek out for some other food and we all know where this leads.

Note: In my experience in terms of drinks & food … be careful with non-fruit sugar and especially caffeine. The stress I got from caffeine often leaded close to a reset and to my latest reset.



#3 – Habits: I can highly recommend this morning routine (you can change the order to your own preferences)

-10 push ups and 25 sit ups after waking up, followed by a tall glass of water

-10 minutes of meditation (seriously there's nothing more important than this one. 99% of all successful rebooters I know practice some kind of meditation. It's so important to make this a daily habit straight from the beginning. 10 minutes daily is better than half an hour once a week.)

-a good healthy meal


Apart from that morning routine you should go running or biking 2 or 3 times a week. It's a big urge killer and you will spend some time in nature, which is incredibly valuable to ground yourself. But always try to listen to your body and don't overdo it. From my experience, when you overdo it to total exhaustion, this can become a trigger itself. (Ok, but don't use this as an excuse to don't do it all )

Start to use the book you bought. During meditation, you'll gain a lot of insights about yourself. Note them down.
If negative thoughts about yourself come to your mind, note them down. Express the shame. Whatever negative you express on paper, will have less power over you. It will also give you a huge sense of accomplishment when you're reading through your notes after a while. You can see, how far you've come and you can see how your thinking patterns have changed.

Apart from this, be aware that you are very vulnerable during the first weeks. You're changing and this isn't an easy process. Guard yourself from toxic people and bad influences. It's okay to take a rest.

Note: Day 7 is where testosterone peaks, just in case you wonder, where all the horniness suddenly comes from (It's also helpful to know when it's day 7 after a wet dream). Day 3 & 14 have been critically for me as well. It's probably a good decision to go running on these days.


Let your mantra be: I'm changing!



Week 2 – Discovering the root of your addiction & slip ups


I think we all feel already better at this point, like recovering from a flu. But we're still confused and tired often.

In the second week it's important to get more aware of your thoughts. You need to find the root of your addiction to continue successfully. I think it's most comprehensible to tell you a story of myself:

I used to think I turn to porn, because I don't have a girlfriend, don't experience real sex. But I turned to porn because I didn't feel wholesome. I also lacked deep connections with other people, because I had problems with opening up and showing my true self. I had this feeling of rejection deep down inside me. I always felt rejected by father. The feeling after an interaction with him, where he was bashing my self-worth, was similar to the feeling after watching porn. Shame, guilt. My body was so used to this feeling, that it looked for it again and again, even when my spirit told me it's not making me feel good. I needed to get past that victim mentality, something I'm still working on.

We need to get the control over our bodies back!

It's crucial to realize that the urge will always be there. Even after months we can get urge ambushed. But urges come and go. We can go to bed with extreme urges and the next morning we wake up with zero desire. It will always be there, because we couldn't live without our sexual energy.


Slip-ups:

Chances are high you'll slip up during the second week. 'Let me just take a tiny look at these girls instagram.' I did it too.
Learn to slip up. It happens, we're not perfect and the usual promises after a reset like 'I will never look up girls online.' often aren't that easy to maintain. But we need to learn to keep the numbers of the slip ups low and let them be what they are: a slip up … and not a reason to reset/relapse! We don't need to finish what we've started here. We need to stop following our self-destructive demons.
Slip ups will happen even after 5 months without any. What we need is the skill to take a step back. 'No I'm not going there now.' The ability to close the window, restructure our thoughts and get over it. If we relapse every time we slip up, we will end up running in circles. We can climb that mountain to the top, when we fall from base 3 to 2, but we will never be able to climb up that mountain if we fall down all the way and hope for a barrier-free way to the top this time. It will not happen.

'When you feel like giving in, but you're not, this is when you're truly separating from your old-self.'



If you got any questions, feel free to ask or write me a message to my inbox, I will answer as soon as possible. I'm currently working on finishing the other parts. Part II will be up soon.


Peace, all the best and thank you,
vibemaker

 

Thank you for your replies so far guys! & thanks @TIMMY0110 for your input on this, believing in yourself is very important!

Part II will be up soon.

Have a nice week everybody!

 

Thank you, I'm glad I could help.

It will be up before christmas for sure.