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Guide: How to own this. Going 90+ days and beyond. Part II

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by vibemaker, Feb 11, 2018.

  1. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Hi guys,

    it's been a while since the original post. I actually wanted to post this a lot earlier, but well, life seemed to have different plans with me.

    I attached a link to the first part at the end, if you want to read a little introduction and my tips for week 1 & 2. Of course, all this tips are applicable at all stages of reboot. It's just a structure for this post.

    This post contains all the insights that I think are especially useful during weeks 3 & 4.

    Have fun.


    The snowballing is pretty common around 2 weeks and it hit me in a rhythm of about 2 weeks during my whole reboot. There are this rows of days, where you get urges constantly and it does not seem to get better. It feels like all the energy is stacking and you can't handle it. You maybe start to feed this with thoughts and identifying with them. It´s important to realize that it'll pass. Here´s a good video of a YouTuber called mikkois to prohibit this snowballing. It basically says: Do every day just a few little things that make you feel good about yourself.

    I also noticed the snowballing often happens, when we´re trying to distract ourselves too long from the emptiness within. We´re feared of this emptiness and search for more distractions and at some point we run out of possibilities and we all know where this can lead. Let the emptiness happen, swim in it and lose the fear of it. And you´ll notice the urge has passed also.

    It's never about sex or release

    Porn is never about sex, it's about novelty. I like the comparison to gambling I read in a book called 'The Porn Myth' by Matt Fradd. Gambling is not about the money, it's about the high that the expectation to win brings with it. Porn is about fantasy, euphoria and emotional escape. It's the ritual we crave, not necessarily the orgasm.
    If your mind wanders to porn, try to ignore the pictures of the 'glory' it brings. Focus on the the can of trash that hits you after it - how it leaves you.

    "Porn is like salty water. No matter how much you drink from it, it will never quench your thirst. On the contrary, it will increase it."

    Crafting a list of contrary

    It's quite simple, but I found it to be useful to write such a list and remember it in the heat of the moment. It can look something like this:

    Brain Fog - Focus
    Shame - Self-Worth
    Cold - Warm

    Don't get too crazy, before you finished your major detox

    It´s good to build new habits, work out and stuff, but I think it´s not beneficial, if we go too crazy in the first weeks. Listen to yourself, if you really want to do something. Failure and disappointment hit pretty hard in this times and the porn-escape-mentality and its chemicals are still in us. The brain is still healing and I think this alone needs a lot of energy. Listen to yourself, when you feel the need to rest. Try to not get into overstimulation mode too much, where it is hard to think clear. The time where you can totally kick your comfort zone will follow.

    Oh..., and please do not compare yourself with others.

    Get away from the 'It's okay to relapse'-mentality

    Sometimes when I browse through some profiles I see people, who relapsed, getting comments like 'It's okay, just keep trying' or writing things like 'I relapsed, but it's okay, I learned from it.'
    I know this might sound harsh, but you're not helping yourself with this. You're not learning anything if you keep relasping every few days. You don't need resets or relapses to get to know your triggers or the roots of your addiction. You can watch your feelings and the thoughts behind them, before giving in and learn from them.
    The truth is you need to overcome this situations, where you tended to give in. You got to hold up with them. Only this way you can get to the next layer. Otherwise you'll keep scratching on the surface.

    You gotta choose if you want to set free or not. If you don't fully commit, you'll fail.
    You can say it's okay to reset, at the end of the day no one will probably blame you or even care. The one who should care is you!
    It's kind of good to feel shitty about a reset. Remember this shitty feeling and take it as a motivation to not let it happen again. I think there's this good point of admitting the mistake and let it a while resonate in you, but not let it make you feel too shitty about yourself.


    At last I want to add a post of mine about masturbation vs. porn and why I think it's important to have several counters at a certain point. I already posted it in the Reboot section, but it somehow drowned there. It probably doesn't really fit here, but I think it's important or helpful for the ones, who have some successful streaks behind them.

    "Hi rebooters,

    after battling my porn addiction now over a year I came to the realization that it it's so important to keep multiple counters running.

    When I speak of MO in this text I mean masturbation which leads to orgasm.

    When I started NoFap I thought a reset with MO is somehow similar to a reset with PMO. But I discovered there's actually a lot of difference.

    I like to put it this way: MO is what it is. It's basically a loss of energy. You give away sexual energy. Most of the time it leaves you unsatisfied, cold and lonley, which is at first sight not very different to a PMO reset. But the big differnce is, that you don't need to heal from it. You didn't let something in your system.

    On the other side porn releases 3 times as much dopamine as your brain is able to handle. This is chemical and toxic. So the difference is a loss of energy, you can regain pretty quick vs. an intoxication you need to heal from.

    So now to my point, why I think it's so important to keep several counters.

    During whole 2017 I was very disappointed and ashamed, when a MO happend - most of the time my resets were just MO's at first. I reset my counter and it was pretty shit to see it back at zero. This whole mindset of failure, shame and guilt led to psubs most of the time, which sometimes even led to hardcore pornography. The thought behind this behaviour, while also caught up in chaser effect, was something like "I fucked up anyway already, so what's the difference? This one or two days doesn't matter." So I often found myself in a month of 1-2 week attempts with serious urges, frustration and withdrawals, until I found back to old strength.

    The point of this is I doesn't have to be that hard. Let a MO be a MO, cross it in your spreadsheet, reset your MO counter, whatever, and continue with your porn free life.

    To be clear, I don't want to adverstise masturbation. No pretty much the contrary. I think masturbation should be avoided as much as possible. It kills the lion in us, the strength and energy that is so important in life."

    That's it.

    Have a nice day,


    Here's the link to Part I: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-this-going-90-days-and-beyond-part-i.143569/
    awareness_79, Soren K., Amal and 15 others like this.
  2. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this more especially the video it pretty much sums up the whole point of doing NoFap and what to look forward. I've been feeling like going back to my old ways lately but this here gives me the fire to keep on going and adding on to the list of what I'm doing.

    I thank you for this and wish you good on you journey.

    Porn is not an option.
    Deleted Account and vibemaker like this.
  3. Thank You, i will follow your instructions, they are very helpful!
    Porn is a poison, its not an option any more in my life.
    John Msun and vibemaker like this.
  4. Thanks @vibemaker for a very informative post. As for relapses, I would also add - be especially careful when you’re on your way up, when feeling at the top of the world. A lot of my relapses happened then.

    Nice job with 45, keep going!
  5. "On the other side porn releases 3 times as much dopamine as your brain is able to handle. This is chemical and toxic."

    That is not true if i am correct. I red from yourbrainonporn.com that the reason porn does not permanently damage brains is that only drugs makes more dopamine than our brains can handle. In that site it said with things like porn where anything is not added to our system dopamine stays on levels where brain can handle them. With drugs it goes over that and when it goes over it never comes back which is the reason is so hard to get rid of drugs.
  6. Brandon Smith

    Brandon Smith Fapstronaut

    Have a busier life lol. Fapping is easy to manage.
  7. If you have so busy life that you dont have time to fap you propably going to burn yourself out soon.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Hi @TTS93 I looked it up again, but I can't find the part anymore. Maybe you're right. It definitley downgrades the dopamine receptors. It just works like any other drug addiction. Porn hijacks the brain.
  9. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Sadly the threads have been moved and now drown in all the posts in this section.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    My Journal

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