Guilty and repentance when ur sex addiction affects others

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by WarriorOfSunlight, Dec 3, 2019 at 12:10 PM.

  1. WarriorOfSunlight

    WarriorOfSunlight New Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys. This is the very first time I enter to this place seeking for help. I'm desesperate.
    I'm 26 years old. I'm an university student and I have sex addiction and a BIG problem.
    Since I was a teenager I used to masturbate like 5-7 times per day (could be even more) the longest time I stopped fapping was like 13 days in more than 10 years!
    My sexual life was ok, I had some girlfriends or when I was single I enjoyed casual sex but with time I wanted MORE AND MORE AND MORE.

    So... My last gf was super toxic, manipulator and an expert on emotional blackmail, but I was ok because we used to had a LOT of sex everyday but we broke up a year ago, the thing is that my whole world went down when my ex gf told me 8 months ago that she was pregnant. Our relationship was incredibly toxic and we almost went insane in it, both of us were codependant and destructive to each other. When she went pregnant we even weren't together but I could not stop masturbating and seeing her wanting more sex. We talk about it time before our breakup and we made an "Emergency Plan" if one day it happens... So after a hell of it, she aborted. I was on her side the entire time and I support her but I still felt like I was scum, a coward, the worst man in the world cause all of this happened because we were emotionally unstable and we used to had sex when we finished a fight, things like that.

    Then, after that we keep being toxic like Chernobyl and I couldn't stand it anymore and I managed to end our "we aren't a couple anymore but we act like we are still together" forever (I took me 8 months). I thought we could be friends but... We end having sex again one month ago and after the same toxic shit I realized that we can't even be friends so I had to finish our "pseudofriendship" too but... Here we go: she told me yesterday that she is pregnant again, I thought she was trying to manipulate me, because oooooohhhh boy, she did some pretty crazy sociopath shit to manipulate me multiple times when I tried to end our thing on the past, this was not the first time she tried to blackmail me when I was emotional vulnerable so I thought this was a classic shit but no... She is really really pregnant, she said she will not abort again and she will keep the baby beacuse we are not together but we could try to be together (even when I tried to take a restriction order against her in the past) I know we can't be together and I'm still trying to manage what to do. The only thing I know is that all of this happened because I couldn't stop wanting sex and masturbating, even with the abortion 8 months ago I didn't stop.

    I'm fucking done right know, I'm fucking done, my life has reached to worst point at this moment and the only thing I want to do is to end this shit.
    Having sex wasted or high with strangers on parties, masturbating everyday like crazy, see every little thing like a sex stimulation, thinking about sex every fucking day like a degenrate. I don't wanna keep masturbating, I don't wanna have sex for a couple of years until I resolve my mental shit, after all of this. I feel like I ruined a life with my shit, I feel guilty, now I feel like sex is a bad thing, I'm afraid of doing it again, I feel disgusted about myself like I'm a bad person who deserves all of this.

    Any advice?
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