Guys I have been off track for two weeks?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by skaterdrew, Apr 30, 2020.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

    I have explained many times before guys how I got rid of my smart phone, tv and every device I could access the internet on except my laptop. I have an extremely good blocking system on my laptop that's at the point I basically can't see any porn or artifical sexual stimulation. I can't see anything that causes me to relapse.

    I am not the adminstrator on my laptop, and I store the impossible to remember off by heart 30 digit code password in another location a mile away from where I live.

    But recently I have discovered how I can store this password on my own laptop, and have it blocked on a type of timer. So after the timer runs out I can then access this password again. Changing the time or date doesn't work to bypass this either.

    But I have to admit guys. Two weeks ago I really got to the stage I was sick of all of this. I was sick of constantly being obsessed with pornfree and nofap. I actually somewhat blame some of it on comments from a few guys on this who made me think that I had no hope of healing from porn addiction or PIED if I couldn't get an insanely long streak of no PMO. It somewhat put me in to a mindset where I thought there is no point in trying anymore. I think it was between being so bored out my mind in this lockdown, being so sick of being constantly obsessed with pornfree and nofap, and then also thinking there is basically no hope of me recovering, all of those things together just made me think f*ck this, and I went and got the 30 digit symbol password a mile away from where I live, and for the last 2 weeks exactly I have spent a lot of my time PMOing. This is the longest I have went PMOing again since I began trying pornfree and nofap.

    I will tell you how I have felt and what I have experience over the last two weeks of PMOing everyday.

    So when I first got on the porn and artifical sexual stimulation again after about a 3 week streak I did find it extremely exciting. I went in to a heavy edging binging session that lasted a few days. I actually got really sore heads from this and felt unwell from this. But what I noticed is the heavier I PMOed at first the more it naturally decreased. I began to not find it all that exciting. So my behavoir for the majority of the two weeks changed to PMOing once or twice a day, rather than going in to heavy PMO binges. These heavy PMO binges only seems to happen in the beggining.

    Another thing I noticed is certain porn induced fetishes I used to have don't seem to be as powerful as they used to be. I developed a severe femdom fetish. But I noticed this fetish was no where near as severe. I did still have it a bit though. But what I noticed is I was getting much more turned on at the thought of having sex with women much more than the femdom fetish. This didn't used to be the case with me.

    My behavoir over the last 2 weeks has really changed. Over the last 2 weeks I have hardly left the house to go out walks ext, I have hardly went out and worked in the garden. Usualy I go out long walks everyday and work in the garden a lot of days. Before over the last 2 weeks I have hardly done any of these things at all. I have become very lazy to the point I feel like I have no energy and just want to lay about all day. But the thing is I haven't actually felt bad from this, I have actually quite enjoyed it.

    I usually have issues with severe ocd, severe obsessions and severe social anxiety. But over the last 2 weeks I have hardly had any ocd or obsessions, and I haven't noticed the social anxiety as I haven't seen anyone anyway.

    Over the past 2 weeks of not doing as much, being more lazy and PMOing everyday I have actually felt happier?

    I guess I do feel somewhat numbed in a way. Which I guess I do sort of like.

    But tomorrow is the start of a new month, and I have decided that's it, I am going to strart trying at pornfree and nofap again. I am going to block my laptop up again and try to get a long streak of no porn and artifical sexual stimulation.

    I think what somewhat worries me though is if I am actually more unhappy from doing this? I am also worried if the severe ocd and obsessions come back from doing this?

    It's quite an awful scenario to feel much worse mentally, and to feel much unhappier in your life when your staying away from porn and artifical sexual stimulation.
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  2. Dude, I have a BADAF femdom addiction that I've been trying to get rid of. I don't like the extreme stuff that the do[like ball busting, ass spanking, cuckholding, bla bla bla] but I do enjoy a few stuff like[JOI, CEI(never actually eaten it), humiliation, anal play(wow, this is embarrassing), and more]. I know this ain't nowhere related to what you've said, but I had to say this first. I too used to sometimes feel in the beginning that answering to my urges once in a while was normal, but that is EXACTLY what got my addiction deeper. I've always been level headed but when it came to femdom it would almost feel like some other personality had taken over me. It was like I just had to do it. I just had to obey. So, I'm here to support you with your journey. I'll try to keep track of what you're doing, so you can ask me for help anytime if ya want.
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  3. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

    So when you're on a PMO binge you flood your brain with dopamine.

    Then once you go off that dopamine rush, then you will feel more unhappy. NoFap is no quick fix. However it's a long fix, so if you abstain for a long period, you will become happier and fulfilled with time.

    I was on a NoFap streak where I was unhappy for the first 45 days of the journey. Then suddenly something clicked and I got better. So its really about hanging in there :)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. J707

    J707 Fapstronaut

    Your addiction to those domination things is most likely decreasing bc you're not feeding it the sick content anymore, or at least you weren't for a while. I don't know if you enjoy being in the house all day and being a lazy person but if that makes you happy then more power to you. I just know that if you don't feed into what everyone says on the forum you'd be well off. You can take some posts and use that for motivation but stop listening to guys on this forum probably even worse off than you telling you that you can't kick this habit. It is not an addiction, it is a habit. You displayed your ability to just quit it and you did well. If you want to be a worthless man to yourself and to society then sit at home and fap your life away but I hope you'll realize all of this work you've put in, the changes that have occured, and go back to the greater path. I wish you the best of luck
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  5. GoldenDreams

    GoldenDreams Fapstronaut

    You’ve got to get out in the garden and for walks. This life and nature was meant to be enjoyed and lived in, not hidden from. You’ve got to do this now, no matter how painful, or you’ll regret it severely! Go outside and live! We were not made to be cooped up like a groundhog in a burrow
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.

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