GUYS NEED HELP....I FAILED OVER 50-60 TIMES within a year!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Aryan, Nov 17, 2014.

  1. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    My story started at grade 6 when I got a playboy type magazine in my uncle's room.Never knew what was sex at that time.Then slowly I started buying all those filthy magazines and got 2 porn movies which I watched repeatedly for about 3 years.Things got into peak when I got unlimited access to the internet and even till then when I spend days watching porn,I never considered it a problem for two reasons.Firstly as I knew nothing about it and for me it was like watching cartoon show on t.v. And secondly I had not discovered masturbation.Everything was fine as despite everything else I was studying.I was a bright kid since childhood and in 10th grade I stood 2nd in whole country.Then after my 12th grade exam while browsing porn pics in google (though I had said I would stop this habit as I was just concerned about time waste,I had not stopped it a bit). It has been 17 months,my life is like a shit.Friends I could not recall a single time when I did it and not regretted later. I accessed porn through mobile and for the sake of mirage of self gratification, I sold my integrity, my spirituality ,my religious faith, almost everything.Yes I am a religious person.In Bhagwat Gita it is written that lust,greed and anger are the surest gates to hell.I have tried everything possible.I even once cut my finger and the blood was all around just to make me believe that this is not going to be repeated again.Guys I feel so bad.I think if only I could erase these two variables from my life,my life would be so much better.I sit in my room locked pretending to study but I never studied in my locked room.I am preparing for entrance exam and recently while I was studying, I noticed that I have not studied many chapter in my whole year.
    My record was 7 times a day.And for the first year I could hardly go for 3 days without it.After 4 days is my exam but as always I had not studied.And the tragedy is that I cannot say it to anyone. Or all the trust that everyone had on me will go down forever.I always regret my past and depressed with numerous suicidal thoughts.I feel so bad I discovered nofap about a month ago.I guess it is the best place to share my feelings.While typing this thread guys,I am demotivated,my body is totally drained and I hate who I had been.My body is always drained,I have poor time management and everything is going to hell.I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE....MY LIFE SUCKS.:(
     
  2. ds112358

    ds112358 Fapstronaut

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  3. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the link.Its the only place I could confess it.Hope I will get rid of this addiction..
     
  4. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    in my opinion it is better to start with small goals. start with 14 days. every time you reach a goal you can extend it.

    this is a very hard fight - learn to meditate.

    find a substitute for porn. no matter what! there are so many things you can do (for example learning a language, painting, an instrument, sports, crochet, pottery etc).

    good luck!
     
  5. Poblano

    Poblano Fapstronaut

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    I would agree with the previous post. Start with small achievable goals even if it's just seven days.
    I would also recommend tracking your progress on paper or on a spreadsheet.
    It's important to keep the goal in front of yourself everyday especially at the beginning. Come to NoFap and post every day.
    Definitely find something anything else to do that you enjoy especially if it is something that will get you out and interacting with other people.
    I would also agree with the other person learn to breath and meditate in the morning even if it's only 5-10 minutes.
    Exercise regularly even if it's only walking for 20-30 minutes a day.
    Put some kind of porn blocker on your computer.
    Find an accountability partner who can help you sharing with someone else will help get over the shame.
    Do not beat yourself up if you PMO just start over. If you track your progress so you can see improvement even if it's small that will help your motivation.
    Finally it's normal for most people to fail multiple times before succeeding so keep trying over and over and eventually you will succeed
     
  6. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong Aryan! If someone like me can reach 33 days, you can do a whole lot more.

    If you can join a meditation group, or start a regular meditation practice, it will be invaluable. Even if all you're doing is sitting for five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening, simply observing your breath - that will start to make you a lot more aware and alert. Give it a whirl.

    I'm also a fan, like Monkotto and Poblano, of short goals. If making a 7 day commitment is intimidating, then simply commit to getting through the next 24 hours PMO free, and share what you learn.

    Also, these will help:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU

    Cheers!
     
  7. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for those advices.I will surely work on each of them.I feel so good to share the feelings I could not tell anyone else....God bless you all.
     
  8. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    It was the effect that I was focusing to..I wanted to get rid of my failure in life and I at every option choosed PM.I fapped when I was depressed,when I did not wanted to and after every commitments..No matter what I need to fap was like a theme of my life..I pray daily from today taking one day at a time...Thanks God today I got scholarship for my 6 years bachelor mbbs course of 50 thousand dollars...I guess now I would be busy and it would be lot easier to focus on what I want rather than whan I want to avoid.....
     
  9. CommittedtothePath

    CommittedtothePath Fapstronaut

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    You need to read the literature on sex addiction.

    There are drivers of your addiction here that many dont notice unfortunately unless they are told.

    My recommended book would be "Facing the Shadow - Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery" by Patrick Cairnes.

    Theres a lot to say but most of it is in the literature and you must spend time to read it.

    A couple of things:

    - one big driver is the shame. Religiosity and spirituality are critical in recovery from addiction, but shaming yourself and telling yourself that you are an inferior person and a failed person because of your past will continue the addiction cycle as it will make you even more hopeless, and addiction is a symptom of hopelessness and a feeling of inferiority in life. Sometimes shame is accelerated by telling yourself you are going to hell and that you are a bad person, isntead of a wounded person. You are wounded. Inside you are a good person, however. You have it in you to recover.

    - The second big driver in your case is stress and a binge-purge lifestyle. I also have a full scholarship to medicine. Trust me, you are insanely smart but insanely over-worked. I know and fully identify with the level of stress in your life. Addiction sets up a cycle where you go really hard obsessively at something, like medicine, but then relax and relapse by living in the other extreme of total acting out addictively. You need a balance. You likely have very little balance in your life, and living for years as you have with a shame and binge-purge cycle is going to take a long time to work out of. Identifying it is the first thing. Rebalancing your life by giving yourself reasonable goals and plenty of relaxation time to broaden your life experiences is critical.

    These are just starting points that I can glean from the minimal information you have given in this thread. THere is a lot more to it but all the best brother. You have made the first and most important step, but theres no point in continuing to try the same thing. To actually gain power over the addiction you will have to accept that with your current self and techniques you are powerless, and will need to put faith and rely in a new system that gives you the power. That new system can only be learnt and gained from support from literature and other people.
     
  10. thierryhenry

    thierryhenry New Fapstronaut

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  11. In addition to the tips everyone else gave you I would say one of the best things to do is watch videos about the science of a porn addiction and how to quit. I'll give you links to some good videos to watch.

    Gary Wilson Ted Talks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

    The Reboot Nation: In these videos a man named Gabe tells his story and how he quit porn. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaEqbNJURD6ChROqueUdNuA

    Ted Talks Ran Gavrieli: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU

    Hopefully these videos will motivate you to quit. Good luck!
     
  12. JasonC

    JasonC Fapstronaut

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    Sweet, dude! Congrats on the scholarship! Yep, stay busy focusing on your school, but also find some other new fun things to do as well. Never give up!
     
  13. Colinv

    Colinv Fapstronaut

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    Never give up! Succes is the outcome of many failures. Giving up is the attitude of one that is not succesful, and you sir have the potentional to be succesful so keep going! You keep trying and you want to change it and I know for sure you will!
     
  14. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for the tips and links.For me pornography was not a big problem.I rarely visit a porn site and when I do I visit one or two.I could stop it with little effort but as I have integrated porn and masturbation,whenever I watch porn or such stuff I knew that I was going to fap.I learned about the science of the PM addiction.I do not care what other people say about nofap but for me it is one of the best things in my life...
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2014
  15. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    When I read Napolean Hill's sex transmutation chapter,Ran Gavrieli and Gary Wilson tedx talks,Shelley Lubben videos and www.fightpornaddiction.com,,I realized and accepted that I had a problem..Even when I was fapping 5 time every single day,I never admitted that I had a problem.I always thought I am not taking drugs or injecting anything to my body,its normal thing that 95% men do and 5% people lie about(from a fapping website)And as Hill says we are easily susceptible to all the negative influences that harmonize with our weakness,I was easily influenced by the media and other sites suggestion on fapping.....Even if there is 110% nothing medically wrong with this habit,I still do not want it in my life...I gave PM everything:my time,my energy,my drive everything and what I got in return: shame,severe social anxiety,regret and everything that I was proud of me was lost including my study part...Its lot easy to defend it than to defeat it and that is what most people are doing around..and I do not giive them a damn.Let then fap everyday and drown in cum every night...But for me nofap is the best supportive community I have ever found.....
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2014

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