My story started at grade 6 when I got a playboy type magazine in my uncle's room.Never knew what was sex at that time.Then slowly I started buying all those filthy magazines and got 2 porn movies which I watched repeatedly for about 3 years.Things got into peak when I got unlimited access to the internet and even till then when I spend days watching porn,I never considered it a problem for two reasons.Firstly as I knew nothing about it and for me it was like watching cartoon show on t.v. And secondly I had not discovered masturbation.Everything was fine as despite everything else I was studying.I was a bright kid since childhood and in 10th grade I stood 2nd in whole country.Then after my 12th grade exam while browsing porn pics in google (though I had said I would stop this habit as I was just concerned about time waste,I had not stopped it a bit). It has been 17 months,my life is like a shit.Friends I could not recall a single time when I did it and not regretted later. I accessed porn through mobile and for the sake of mirage of self gratification, I sold my integrity, my spirituality ,my religious faith, almost everything.Yes I am a religious person.In Bhagwat Gita it is written that lust,greed and anger are the surest gates to hell.I have tried everything possible.I even once cut my finger and the blood was all around just to make me believe that this is not going to be repeated again.Guys I feel so bad.I think if only I could erase these two variables from my life,my life would be so much better.I sit in my room locked pretending to study but I never studied in my locked room.I am preparing for entrance exam and recently while I was studying, I noticed that I have not studied many chapter in my whole year. My record was 7 times a day.And for the first year I could hardly go for 3 days without it.After 4 days is my exam but as always I had not studied.And the tragedy is that I cannot say it to anyone. Or all the trust that everyone had on me will go down forever.I always regret my past and depressed with numerous suicidal thoughts.I feel so bad I discovered nofap about a month ago.I guess it is the best place to share my feelings.While typing this thread guys,I am demotivated,my body is totally drained and I hate who I had been.My body is always drained,I have poor time management and everything is going to hell.I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE....MY LIFE SUCKS.