Guys that are against online dating, where do you go to meet women?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Kman20, Apr 29, 2019.

  1. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I’ve just signed up for a speed dating event for this weekend. Kind of nervous and god I hope there are women my age there. Scared it might be abunch of old women.
     
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  2. Dr. Mario

    Dr. Mario Fapstronaut

    You can always leave if it looks like no one interests you.
    Good luck! Let us know how it goes eh?
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  3. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Lets not stop at asking where, when and how are a couple of other qualifiers. The when will vary both for the person (so lets add who to the list of variables - and you are an important one and I need to know you way better to suggest stuff) as well as the time for the person, or both persons, whether it's the time when you're at work, school, doing whatever else, the particular time in your life which roughly corresponds to age..

    And how. The how will depend on both your unique personality, the other persons unique personality, the where and when you meet that person, what that person is like at that time of day, that time in their life, so forth. Online and a time where one or both persons are not really seen for who they are is probably not going to be the best context.

    I'm not against online dating, I just don't care for online platforms that push peoples buttons with cheap operant conditioning techniques. The same goes for social media as a general concept, it's just the way it's done in practice mostly sucks. Jaron Laniers acronym BUMMER - Behavior of Users Modified, Made into an Empire for Rent kind of sums it up. You can't be yourself if your behavior is being modified, (and how successful will the dating be if the behavior doesn't accurately reflect who the people are?) and to add insult to injury they make money off of it.

    But concepts aside I'll give one specific example. Meditation groups. I'll preface by saying I don't advocate going with the agenda to meet women, you may actually want to learn to meditate and have that as your main reason. But the reason why many goes to those, they work on themselves on some level and probably for some kind of healing. (add why to that list) The "when" may be at a time when they are having difficulty in their life, and how - how did they find out about it, how did they meditate, how did they comment during times when people talk - what - did the say and one may compare the same set of variables with themselves and how that stacks up.

    So it's all about context, if it's just about instinct then it probably seems like it's way too much work to think about all this, it's more like me Tarzan you Jane. And I don't think people necessarily would cover all of it right then and there, but maybe after they get home from the meeting and reflecting on the conversation and over a period of time. I'll tell you what though, brainfog doesn't effin help. When you're clear minded, which is hopefully a goal and a benefit many experience after rebooting for a while you are able to kind of gauge things with multiple variables like this.

    Put it this way, formal dating whether online or off tends to be a simplified but artificial box with limited variables, if anyone does give more thought to it they probably just do it in terms of the content of the conversation. What I was trying to point out in the example of the meditation group is you can look at behavioral stuff instead of just what they directly tell you about themselves, or what some machine algorithm measures by way of cheap ass profile questions and the like. Talk is cheap and text is cheaper, at least in person you can hear their voice and take note how they sound when they talk about different things, but there's all of the rest of it like in the example. Life is full of useful information if we look.
     
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  4. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Hopefully that’s not the case since the ticket was 40 dollars. I’ll definitely update you guys.
     
  5. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Wasn’t bad, didn’t match with anyone but really glad I went through with the experience. Wasn’t exactly looking for anything but the experience but at the same time I’m a guy so of course in the back of my mind I was kind of hoping for something.

    After this experience I began thinking that I should do more of this putting myself out there. Daygaming especially and maybe do more dating events. I think doing a lot of this and getting used to talking to women especially attractive women helps guys not stress girls so much because now they aren’t this novelty or mystical being that we rarely see or get to speak to.

    Anyone agree to this?
     
  6. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    I have an friend who got married recently and I asked how they met. They met at Barns and Noble during an book signing event. They both like the same author so he asked the girl out to get to know her more. The day of the date he picked her up to get coffee, and during the first few minutes of the drive he let her know that he was feeling nervous, and she responded that she was nervous too.

    Then they laughed and joked about it. He said it helped get rid of the tension between the two at the start of the date and allowed for more open and honest conversations. Vs. Trying to act cool or impress her to get her to talk.
     
  7. Dr. Mario

    Dr. Mario Fapstronaut

    I'd agree, minus the "daygaming" bit anyway. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that, sounds kinda playboy-esque. But yes, interact more, regardless of time of day.
     
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  8. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    It sounds very PUA kind of probably because it is but from what I’ve understood is that it’s basically finding women in the natural way ie talking to girls in public and approaching strangers.
     
  9. Dr. Mario

    Dr. Mario Fapstronaut

    Oh. So daygaming is just...talking to women? During the day? Lol.
     
  10. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Lol yes..crazy right ?
     
  11. Dr. Mario

    Dr. Mario Fapstronaut

    What's crazy is that so many men have been wussified into thinking it's off-limits.
    To be fair, there's been a lot of playboys and creepers that have given us great examples of how not to do "daygaming" or whatever. Example: catcalling is always a no-go.
     
  12. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Definitely, it is weird how we’ve moved to thinking this is the wrong approach, when it should actually be the right approach to it.

    This is something I’m going to try working on and get better at. I’m sure I’ll get some weird looks and rejections along the way but that’s kind of the point.
     
  13. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    This is ideal. Also if any guy who is trying to get in a relationship is reading this, acting fake or pretending to be someone else to get a woman to like you will always fail. Women, well women worth being worth anyway, appreciate genuineness. Even if that means admitting your nervous sometimes. Don’t start with that cause confidence is key too but don’t lie to a girl either.
     
  14. RiverSmoothStone

    RiverSmoothStone Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I totally agree with this. One of my biggest problems dating-wise is that I put women on a pedestal and I psych myself out regarding asking women on dates and that sort of thing. I can definitely improve myself by remembering that dating isn't as big of a deal as I make it out to be.
     
  15. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely, I guess it's like anything we are hesitant with. The more exposure, the better.

    It's a real numbers game, and if you're confident in yourself and taking care of yourself there's always a portion of women who will be naturally attracted to you in that state.

    Good stuff getting out there man!
     
  16. I did go to church. I didn't intend dating there, but got matched anyway - the typical "love on first sight" situation (mutual). Now I have been running on adrenalin for the past week...
     
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  17. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean running on adrenaline?
     
  18. Being under tension.
     
  19. And now few days later I'm back to normal again with just a slightly increased dopamine level. That's great news. In my PMO days, this kind of fancy usually turned into some months-lasting sob story pretty quick. I attribute this to my healed and re-adjusted dopamine system. Now I can actually enjoy some natural dopamine rush without the fear of falling into some kind of addiction.
     
  20. And now I'm just amazed, how I got hold of her number in church (were dating is essentially banned and gets you thrown out).

    So we were sitting together in a small group with the pastor discussing church events. Then the pastor opened with that he accidentally deleted his phonebook, so he needs to get all our numbers again. I realized, that it's entirely useless writing down her number, when she tells it to the pastor, because this is exactly what stalkers do.

    So instead I wrote my number on a card and threw it over to the mother of the girl. We now regularly organize church activities without the pastor and need to communicate if something gets delayed or canceled I said. The mother acknowledged, saved my number, then threw my card back in my direction, right in front of her daughter - and after a few minutes she took the bait!

    It played out exactly as I originally intended. It's amazing how a clear PMO-free mind can come up with these great ideas just ad-hoc as the opportunity shows up. This is what makes your life more successful, even when you're not dating. As a brain-fogged porn addict I wouldn't have successfully executed this even with an hour of planning ahead.
     

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