Guys who have completely stopped PMO: did you quit cold turkey or gradually?

[refinement]

I was free from PMO for 18 days as of yesterday.

I saw a woman's comment on Facebook, clicked on her profile, and saw some partially naked photos of her. That image stuck in my head the whole day, and I kept thinking about it. After 10 hours, I went to bed to sleep

Two hours later, I woke up feeling aroused. I grabbed my phone and ended up acting on that urge using the picture. It's been 14 years since I last did that with a picture; I was addicted to PMO for a year back then. I have always used hardcore videos for this purpose. Do you think this is a sign of recovery?

I have engaged in PMO a couple of times each month for the past year.

Is it better to switch from hardcore to softcore or solo woman videos, essentially trying to stop gradually? Or should one attempt to quit cold turkey?

Additionally, do you have a girlfriend or wife, and did that help you? What if you can’t find a partner? Is it really possible to avoid PMO for a year or more?

 

[Dizzy Lotus]

In my experience it is more effective to try to not use any external stimuli for sexual gratification. Whether to allow masturbation or not people's views and experience might differ on, but personally I've noticed that I very rarely have an urge for masturbation except if I've already peeked at porn.
When you do relapse, it is great if it's with something milder than you were used to. That's why in the last three months, I put most focus on staying away from porn videos—my goal was to not PMO at all, but when I did give in, I still made sure to stay away from porn videos. But I wouldn't tell myself it's okay to relapse to nude photos, or to anything else. That just keeps one addicted.

 

[refinement]

In my experience it is more effective to try to not use any external stimuli for sexual gratification. Whether to allow masturbation or not people's views and experience might differ on, but personally I've noticed that I very rarely have an urge for masturbation except if I've already peeked at porn.

Same here! If I don't look, then I'm fine. But if I do look, I relapse.

To me, half-naked photos and nudes are also considered porn. Even if they are not as explicit as hardcore videos, they still make me relapse.

But is it OK to get aroused by half-naked women, such as those wearing shorts or bras? If they make me relapse, does that mean I don’t have strong willpower? Because nowadays, almost all young women dress like that, if that triggers my relapse, then I’m really screwed.

I mean if I try to "exercise" by looking at half-naked or fully naked women and not get aroused, then that's also a problem because a healthy person should get aroused by those things.

In my opinion, those who "exercise" will end up watching hardcore videos.

I’m really confused.

 

[Deleted member 558516]

When you don't eat for a while your body becomes hyper sensitive to smells of food, pictures of food, etc. They will be 10 times stronger than usual. While this is biologically useful (the body signals that it wants food), the same can happen with addiction to porn. Your mind and body might think that porn is neccessary for their survival and heighten your perception in the direction of hot women, naked skin, ...
But don't worry, this will pass. You are right: There is no need for exercise. It will happen naturally by itself because pornography is not an essential ingredient of life. In fact, "exercising" to become less sensitive could be another clever excuse of the addict mind to relapse. Withdrawals won't feel very good but eventually they will pass and you need to go through them. Embrace them as part of your healing.

 

[refinement]

When you don't eat for a while your body becomes hyper sensitive to smells of food, pictures of food, etc. They will be 10 times stronger than usual. While this is biologically useful (the body signals that it wants food), the same can happen with addiction to porn. Your mind and body might think that porn is neccessary for their survival and heighten your perception in the direction of hot women, naked skin, ...
But don't worry, this will pass. You are right: There is no need for exercise. It will happen naturally by itself because pornography is not an essential ingredient of life. In fact, "exercising" to become less sensitive could be another clever excuse of the addict mind to relapse. Withdrawals won't feel very good but eventually they will pass and you need to go through them. Embrace them as part of your healing.

Couldn't agree more. Thank you so much for this comment. You always make the best comments. It's like you are the wise grandfather I never had.

 

[Dizzy Lotus]

I completely agree with Serendipity2's post!

While I was getting groceries I remembered your second question. I do not have a girlfriend, but I would like to give some input. Based on my intuition and the experiences I've heard from others, it can be easier to stay clean when you are in a romantic relationship. For one, because you have someone to fight for, for two, because you can get support from your significant other. However, despite that, I hope that I will be able to consistently stay clean before I get into a romantic relationship. This is because, also from intuition and the experiences I've heard from others, it can be extremely painful when your significant other relapses. I once talked to a girl who was addicted herself as well, and thus could sympathise with her addicted boyfriend, and even still when her boyfriend relapsed it hurt her very much and she felt inferior, comparing herself to porn actresses.

I would not want my girlfriend to have to bear the burden of my addiction!

 

[refinement]

I completely agree with Serendipity2's post!

While I was getting groceries I remembered your second question. I do not have a girlfriend, but I would like to give some input. Based on my intuition and the experiences I've heard from others, it can be easier to stay clean when you are in a romantic relationship. For one, because you have someone to fight for, for two, because you can get support from your significant other. However, despite that, I hope that I will be able to consistently stay clean before I get into a romantic relationship. This is because, also from intuition and the experiences I've heard from others, it can be extremely painful when your significant other relapses. I once talked to a girl who was addicted herself as well, and thus could sympathise with her addicted boyfriend, and even still when her boyfriend relapsed it hurt her very much and she felt inferior, comparing herself to porn actresses.

I would not want my girlfriend to have to bear the burden of my addiction!

Lol, you’re just like me, brother. I 100% agree. Thank you so much for your valuable input. Your future girlfriend or wife will be very lucky to have a thoughtful person like you as her boyfriend or husband.

 

[garybeer54]

I want to be honest and say having a partner / someone that you are interested in makes it a lot easier. I suffered from PIED and was PMO'ing for over 8 years from quite young. I wanted to be able to be intimate asap, so I thought it would be best to go cold turkey. Fuck me it was DIFFICULT but that motivation really drove me on. I think it was a risky method and still is, because if thins don't work out with your partner, it can fully kill your motivation. If I really had crazy urges all day, I would MO without just from imagination, but please note this does set back your recovery. For my journey, I knew I would end up looking at P if I started looking at other stuff. The way forward for me was definitely cold turkey and I think it worked best. But everyone is different, so I genuinely think you have to figure out what works for you.

 

[babyyoda]

I have tried no PMO in the past. I made it to 90 days when I first started but I relapsed and went back to my old ways. I am taking a different approach. I have quit looking at psubs but still allowing MO, just until I have psubs under control where I feel like I don't need to look at it anymore. I plan on doing this for 90 days and try to refrain from MO as much as possible. So far I have a streak of no PMO for 7 days then MO'ed. But I still continue no Psubs. This is the approach I think will work for me. I already feel the difference with a few days of no PMO. It is very beneficial, mood has changed, I feel more focused and smarter so it allows me to do the things I want to accomplish. I think you should find what works best for you. I feel like I am progressing with this approach so this is what I will do.

 

[sohardrn]

it's been two years and i've struggled like crazy. some times i was struggling not to jack off for even 3 days. sometimes a week. sometimes a month. sometimes i struggled to even ask girls out. sometimes i struggled to let myself enjoy the process of a developing relationship. sometimes this sometimes that. it's all been a process and I've grown a whole lot. my current streak is on day 39, and i'm doing fucking great. i'm actually putting in 0 effort not to jack off these days. it took me a while to get here. but if you keep trying, if you keep growing, you will eventually put this behind you.

 

[sohardrn]

if you went from jacking off everyday, every few days, or every week, to once or twice in the last 18 days. that doesn't mean you're a failure. that's progress. failure would be not trying again.

 

[sohardrn]

personal advice: get the fuck off social media. i reinstall social media for 2 weeks at the beginning of every semester in college so i can checkout any clubs i'm interested it, but past that i stay the fuck off. you still need to consume content and let your body fill it's social meter somehow. i recommend getting a used kindle paperwhite and downloading some books so you have content. as for people i recommend a martial arts club or sports club. i know you're not in college. but you don't have to be in college for this.

 

[refinement]

I apologize for the late reply.

I want to be honest and say having a partner / someone that you are interested in makes it a lot easier. I suffered from PIED and was PMO'ing for over 8 years from quite young. I wanted to be able to be intimate asap, so I thought it would be best to go cold turkey. Fuck me it was DIFFICULT but that motivation really drove me on. I think it was a risky method and still is, because if thins don't work out with your partner, it can fully kill your motivation. If I really had crazy urges all day, I would MO without just from imagination, but please note this does set back your recovery. For my journey, I knew I would end up looking at P if I started looking at other stuff. The way forward for me was definitely cold turkey and I think it worked best. But everyone is different, so I genuinely think you have to figure out what works for you.

Thank you so much for your comment. I agree with everything you’ve said, except for the MO part. If I engage in MO, I end up returning to porn and then doing PMO.

I have tried no PMO in the past. I made it to 90 days when I first started but I relapsed and went back to my old ways. I am taking a different approach. I have quit looking at psubs but still allowing MO, just until I have psubs under control where I feel like I don't need to look at it anymore. I plan on doing this for 90 days and try to refrain from MO as much as possible. So far I have a streak of no PMO for 7 days then MO'ed. But I still continue no Psubs. This is the approach I think will work for me. I already feel the difference with a few days of no PMO. It is very beneficial, mood has changed, I feel more focused and smarter so it allows me to do the things I want to accomplish. I think you should find what works best for you. I feel like I am progressing with this approach so this is what I will do.

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. As I mentioned earlier, MO without porn always leads me back to porn, i.e., PMO. It’s strange to me how this doesn’t seem to happen the same way for others. Could you share your secret?

i'm actually putting in 0 effort not to jack off these days. it took me a while to get here. but if you keep trying, if you keep growing, you will eventually put this behind you.

This is awesome, and I’ve been experiencing the same thing for about a year now. I have low libido because I don’t eat much meat and I avoid looking at women. However, when I do look at them, I struggle to control myself and often end up doing PMO.

But be aware: even if you avoid looking at women or sexually provocative content online or on billboards, your body can still become aroused in unexpected ways. What will you do in those situations? That’s the most important part. You could lose all your progress in a moment if you don’t have a plan.

if you went from jacking off everyday, every few days, or every week, to once or twice in the last 18 days. that doesn't mean you're a failure. that's progress. failure would be not trying again.

Yes, ten years ago I used to PMO every day, sometimes multiple times a day, but nowadays it’s only a couple of times a month. I think that’s progress, but I still feel like a loser, lol.

personal advice: get the fuck off social media. i reinstall social media for 2 weeks at the beginning of every semester in college so i can checkout any clubs i'm interested it, but past that i stay the fuck off. you still need to consume content and let your body fill it's social meter somehow. i recommend getting a used kindle paperwhite and downloading some books so you have content. as for people i recommend a martial arts club or sports club. i know you're not in college. but you don't have to be in college for this.

I agree with you, but I have this thing called FOMO (fear of missing out). Whether it’s news or any other new content, I don’t want to miss it. Awful habit.

I have a lot of books—actually, we have 35,000 books in our house. They belong to my brother, who sells them online. Books are great for quality content, but they don’t provide the kind of shitposts, memes, or news that someone like me enjoys.

 

[babyyoda]

Hi refinement. Sure, but it may not be what you want to hear, but this is something what I think worked for me. I couldn't do no P before, just like you, because I had no experience with sex or women for that matter. I did some adult webcamming, I am shy, so I learned how to talk to women online that I liked. I did this a lot last year. During this time, I also went to an erotic massage once. She was beautiful, you wouldn't believe how beautiful she was, and I still wonder why she does this instead of something else like influencer or modeling. Having some practice with women online already under my belt, I made a very strong connection with her and the experience was positive. So you see, I had a lot of lust I think and lack of experience with women. After this, I went to a sex therapist, to help me quit camming online. I was able to do this. I also quit any other habit related to dopamine, like caffeine and too much computer use. So now I am ready to do no P. It isn't even difficult, I can do this. The MO is difficult, but once I have P under control I will work on long streaks of no MO and also start finding a partner.

 

[refinement]

Hi refinement. Sure, but it may not be what you want to hear, but this is something what I think worked for me. I couldn't do no P before, just like you, because I had no experience with sex or women for that matter. I did some adult webcamming, I am shy, so I learned how to talk to women online that I liked. I did this a lot last year. During this time, I also went to an erotic massage once. She was beautiful, you wouldn't believe how beautiful she was, and I still wonder why she does this instead of something else like influencer or modeling. Having some practice with women online already under my belt, I made a very strong connection with her and the experience was positive. So you see, I had a lot of lust I think and lack of experience with women. After this, I went to a sex therapist, to help me quit camming online. I was able to do this. I also quit any other habit related to dopamine, like caffeine and too much computer use. So now I am ready to do no P. It isn't even difficult, I can do this. The MO is difficult, but once I have P under control I will work on long streaks of no MO and also start finding a partner.

Hi brother!

I really like your approach. I'm so glad to hear that you gained self-confidence after your experiences with women. Even the most religious women appreciate experience in a partner, so I’m thinking about following a similar path.

I’ve never had any experience with women myself. A couple of girls wanted to go out with me, but I was too shy to accept.

When you mentioned that you "did some adult webcamming," what did you mean? Did you stream yourself, participate in streams with others, or pay for webcam sex?

I’m not sure if I can find someone offering erotic massages where I live, as I’m not in a Western country. There are escorts available, but I’m concerned about STDs, so that’s not an option for me.

I’m also trying to reduce my screen time, but I find caffeine (not coke, but coffee) helpful. It keeps me awake and helps manage my hunger. What are your thoughts on coffee?

 

[babyyoda]

Hey brother. With regards to adult webcamming, I did all the above. It was important for me to be seen and heard. I don't think I would have gotten the same experience if I did not show my face. But I started slow, where I would show myself but I would type instead of talking. Then I got the courage to talk for the first time without turning on my camera. The first girl I had a conversation with, was positive. I couldn't believe it. So I got the confidence right then and there to try it more. Eventually I turned my camera on and I was off to the races.

I have a very high sensitivity to caffeine. I cannot drink it. It makes me more horny and it affects the way I think. I think because I already have a very high dopamine addiction, so if I drink it I become nervous and my body cannot handle it. So, it depends on how your body reponds to it. I think in your case it's okay to drink it.

 

[refinement]

Hey brother. With regards to adult webcamming, I did all the above. It was important for me to be seen and heard. I don't think I would have gotten the same experience if I did not show my face. But I started slow, where I would show myself but I would type instead of talking. Then I got the courage to talk for the first time without turning on my camera. The first girl I had a conversation with, was positive. I couldn't believe it. So I got the confidence right then and there to try it more. Eventually I turned my camera on and I was off to the races.

I have a very high sensitivity to caffeine. I cannot drink it. It makes me more horny and it affects the way I think. I think because I already have a very high dopamine addiction, so if I drink it I become nervous and my body cannot handle it. So, it depends on how your body reponds to it. I think in your case it's okay to drink it.

Wow, I’ve thought about doing those things before but never acted on them.

I wouldn’t want to stream myself in front of others—not because of shyness, but because I wouldn’t want to be responsible for causing someone else to relapse. Plus, there's a high chance that someone might record and share your stream, so if someone were to do it, they’d probably need to wear a mask or something. Do you agree?

On the other hand, webcam sex seems like a viable option. It might help us overcome our shyness. Even if the other person (i.e. the girl you pay) is not being genuine, it still seems like it could be a workable solution.

Drinking plain coffee doesn’t give me a dopamine boost. Are you talking about Starbucks coffees?

 

[babyyoda]

Oh no, sorry, I only did webcam sex, but I did show my face. I did this for a while, and never had an issue. The site is very serious about recording and webcam girls will get banned if they record video of clients. So far I haven't seen any videos of myself online lol.

You can usually tell if someone is being ingenuine or is in it just for the money. Some of them are, but usually they're not very attractive. Most of them are normal people believe or not. Most of them enjoy doing it. So don't think because you are paying for something, it's not going to be genuine. They all want to be wanted and liked, just like you and I, they want to have a good time.

 

[refinement]

Oh no, sorry, I only did webcam sex, but I did show my face. I did this for a while, and never had an issue. The site is very serious about recording and webcam girls will get banned if they record video of clients. So far I haven't seen any videos of myself online lol.

You can usually tell if someone is being ingenuine or is in it just for the money. Some of them are, but usually they're not very attractive. Most of them are normal people believe or not. Most of them enjoy doing it. So don't think because you are paying for something, it's not going to be genuine. They all want to be wanted and liked, just like you and I, they want to have a good time.

Amazing. Thank you so much, brother.

I thought Omegle might be another option, but people often skip you if you’re not highly attractive. That could damage one’s self-confidence.

 

[Dizzy Lotus]

I am confused.

@babyyoda, are you suggesting webcam sex as a means to aid in quitting porn, despite yourself needing a sex therapist to help you quit webcam sex again?