Gym SSA struggles

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Oct 27, 2020.

Do you relate?

  1. Yes

    57.1%
  2. No

    42.9%
  1. Really struggling with a group of guys I saw in the gym today. I don’t want to eliminate the gym. It is critical to my health and well being. I love to lift. But sometimes the things I see here really become triggers for me.
    SSA for me stems from seeing physical attributes in other guys, that I wish I saw in myself. What do I do?
     
    Tophat, Outside, krabbra and 2 others like this.
  2. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Keep going to the gym and discipline your mind. You are approaching four weeks without masturbating to porn. :) The further you continue, your sexual objectivation of others will diminish. Try and see people as people, that's the goal.
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2020
  3. Lencho

    Lencho Fapstronaut

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    Let me tell you about my struggle. I occasionally have HOCD problems but I work at a gym. I struggle with seeing guys that are bigger or better looking than me and I feel like I just got F***ed by them. Its the best way to explain it. I know it seems like a very problem but let me tell you that what will help you is to learn to love yourself and gain confidence. You don't need to look like them to be admired. Think about the things where you thrive and appreciate yourself for it. I know I'm very smart and karismatic. Occasionally good looking. If you have a hard time learning or finding something to be proud of then that's one problem. Strive to be the best version of yourself and not someone else and appreciate your small steps that get you there. If you can't, then that's your problem. As in, you need to work on it. Look at YouTube videos or ted talks about self love and confidence.
     
  4. I appreciate that. The weird thing is that I DO have pretty good self confidence. I can acknowledge that I am good looking and pretty fit and strong but I do believe that I am too hard on myself and don't give myself enough credit for what I have achieved. I will work on it.
     
  5. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Remind yourself that they are MEN, and you don't need to look. All you're doing is enhancing the anxiety. I assume you see a man at the gym, and you don't feel sexual arousal or anything like that but you feel a need to look again and again? And then the risk of the staring back at you makes it even worse because you don't want them to assume that you are checking them out, which you aren't but they probably think you are right? So the anxiety rises and rises. If this is even slightly relatable, you have to stop looking and go into a fuck it type of mindset. They're men. They aren't attractive to you in anyway, unless of you seriously are gay or bi in your heart, and no amount of porn addiction or hocd or anything will make that real. Even at your worst, that slight feeling of "this is wrong" is already enough to know that it's not who you are. Your hardwired settings will never truly change, no matter how much external influence you get. So if you see some "attractive" guys in the gym, just keep doing your shit and stop giving a fuck. Don't stare at them, and don't continue have anxious looks at them. All that does is make the anxiety in your brain worse, and teach your brain that these type of people are threats. Withstand the anxiety and don't retaliate to it, and eventually you will see through it and realise that you were just experiencing a threat response. It just stood out in your brain because it gives you anxiety.
     
  6. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    One of my biggest struggles going to the gym was seeing the women there and lusting after them. Different than yours, but still an issue. Instead of trying to white knuckle my way through it, I slowly started collecting gym equipment for the house. Now I have enough to where I don't need a membership. I don't have a lot of stuff but if you get a few of the right things you can work out in your home and not have to worry about seeing anyone. Just a thought, it worked for me but I know that's not for everyone.
     
  7. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Wtfff???? Nononono thats bad really bad , i fear you i hope you never see me !

    When i started lifting i was probably the weakest guy on the gym , because of that i give up and tried mma and bjj , worked well, got confidence and some normal muscles and got back to the gym, now i feel great at gym , lift better than most guys and improved alot!

    If you think gym is putting you down try other thing
     
  8. Yeah this isn’t a case of HOCD though. I am aroused by them, against my will. I don’t want to be, but I am checking them out.
     
  9. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Can you go to some other gym or buy weights?
     
  10. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Fair enough. But before you enter the place make a commitment to yourself. I will look at guy's faces - only! No bulges and no butts. If it triggers you, then no muscles. In time, I hope this becomes your default behaviour. Remember...

    No butts, no bulges; no biceps! ;)
     
  11. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    It will probably be beneficial for you to avoid going to the gym during your reboot and rewire period.

    Since your brain is being starved of porn, it will be looking for anything related to porn to get that dopamine high. Since you haven't gotten a dopamine hit in a while, whatever it is that stimulates your brain will have a drastic effect and feeling attached to it.

    These feelings are only going to make you hornier and stress you out more (which can doubly increase arousal). Working out and physical exercise is a great way (maybe the best way) to deal with urges and develop good habits during a reboot. However, with all the triggers you're getting, it's probably not a good idea to be going to the gym. There are still plenty of weighs to stay in good shape and keep your gains without a gym, and if you're dedicated enough, even without weights. Because quarantine shut down a lot of gyms in my area, I've been doing calisthenic and bodyweight exercises from a military fitness site to stay in shape; lmk if you want some links.

    I used to be deep into fetishes involving women's clothing and certain sexual situations. During my reboot, I would get triggered very easily just by the sights of certain things or being in certain rooms with people; I also had a type of HOCD like you do, and would get anxious around proto-masculine and muscular men. It would be incredibly hard dealing with the urges and would sometimes take hours to come down from the dopamine and anxiety high, so I would actively avoid situations like that.

    HOWEVER, if you do a reboot and rewire correctly, these triggers largely begin to go away in 5-6 months from starting your reboot. If you do a 90 day reboot correctly, then begin turning your sexual attention to real women and real sexual interactions, your mind's sexual attention and dopamine pathways begin to radically realign, making SSA occurrences far less frequent and far less intense
     
  12. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    It is important to read what has already been stated clearly.
     
  13. Of course this is a logical option, but I’d rather not have to change everything about my gym routine to overcome this or to allow it that much power over me. I realize that it may come to that though.
     
  14. Good advice, friend.
     
  15. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    CK. Does this problem affect you outside the gym also?
     
  16. Yes
     
  17. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    If you want to talk about it more in detail not too much detail to not be triggering for you. PM me.
    Have you always been like this?
     
  18. This... they're men just like you. You see the surface level, but they're human just like u. Some of them eat their boogers or chew on their toenails. When they pass gas it smells horrible. They probably have habits that tick you off, trigger ur pet peeves, etc. They get bloated when they eat. They get acne. Some of them are greying early and are dying their hair, you just don't know about it. I don't go to public gyms because many (if not most of the time) act as a satellite for carnal, image-obsessed people and it can be easy to forget that these are just people. It's not that I have a problem with good-looking people- no I love to see good looking people, because beauty is pleasurable, and it's not gay to say that. Don't forget ur eyes are sensory machines with complex nerves.
    THE PROBLEM IN MY SITUATION IS IMMODESTY TBH. I have a problem w some of the clothing ppl wear to the gym.

    And don't even get me started on the females. THAT alone is why I don't go.

    Anyway. This guy gave it to u straight. Learn 2 laugh at urself when u realize how silly ur brain is for associating sexual desire with drawing pleasure from seeing a beautiful person (WHICH IS NATURAL) and trying to give u anxiety over that. Do you want to stick ur penis in a beautiful painting that obv gives u pleasure when u look at it? Do you think about sticking ur dick in a ferrari when u look at one? If u do I have news for you.
     
  19. Inspired2chg

    Inspired2chg Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I agree that it goes away the longer you stay away from PMO.
     

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