Had “sexual intercourse” for the first time last night and it was sad

Hi all,
Big fan of this page and really enjoy seeing people get back on the right track but now it’s my turn to share.

I’m a 23 year old male who started masturbating at 10 to mental images and switched to actual porn at 12. I have never masturbated correctly in that I get off by kind of squeezing my head repetitively while looking at a video or image. Anyways, my life was pretty good before but then I fell into the dark hole of porn. This slowly escalated over the years to more hardcore stuff as that’s what I need to get off.

Anyways, I have noticed now my morning wood is no longer existent and I feel like I’m semi depressed I don’t know how to describe it. I’m a pretty average looking guy but I get a fair share of tinder and Hinge matches. Anyways, this girl last night was veryyyyy horny last night and basically FaceTimed me multiple times to get an Uber for her to come to my place. She’s gorgeous, super nice bod with everything in the right proportion. This was my first time ever and we kind of talked for a while before I awkwardly made a move to make out with her. She wasn’t phased and was really into it. Time cane where I started taking off her clothes and she took mine off. She told me to lay back and she started giving me a blowjob. It was great but the problem was I couldn’t get fully erect. I was like flaccid to semi hard and I felt like it was getting weaker as she continued. Anyways, I started doing my business to satisfy her and she seemed to enjoy it. Then time came to put on the condom: I couldn’t get it on because I wasn’t hard and was rapidly getting more and more flaccid. It was at that point where I kind of gave up and she got up without a word and started putting her clothes on. She finally told me to get her an Uber back and I was in the process of doing this when she cane back and decided to stay longer because “her roommate was asleep” (it was like 3:30 am at this point). So she laid down and we both kind of laid there with the lights out. I basically thought the night was over but but she’s slowly inches back toward me and started rubbing against me. She then exposed her pussy and boobs and she basically told me to start feeling her up. I did and long story short, I helped her get off with my fingers and she fell asleep. About two hours later I got her an Uber and she left without a word. She basically just used me at the end to get her off because she was so horny I know that. But the point of all this is the fact that I couldn’t stay hard during the BJ or while putting on the condom really killed the mood. She was really flirtatious prior and after basically became a different person. Anyways, I’ve been watching porn basically daily multiple times a day (in fact watched earlier prior to her coming). I really want to stop but it’s an addiction and I can’t break the cycle. I’ve heard the good things from this page that people get their erections back once they stop. Man that would be nice. Thanks for readings guys I just wanted to share my story.

 

Thanks for all the support guys. I have super bad mental strength in that I relapse easy. The longest i have lasted without porn is 18 days and that was last year. Now its usually a day or two. I haven't masturbated since the incident but that was only two days ago. I really hope this humiliating experience will serve as motivation to stop.

 

Oh wow! I have a question: your first time, were you at least able to get the condom on eventually and penetrate some? I did not even get to do that. Anyways thanks for the share I will check this out