Had a hard conversation with my girlfriend about my attraction to other women

Sorry to hear that. What got me through my break up was listening to a lot of music, listening to some podcasts, and working overtime. I also went back to school and that took my mind off things.

 

I agree with the above 100 percent, and I am a woman. As a woman me too I get “ transient” “attractions” to random men too, honestly , it usually happens mid cycle , when I am hormonal, and I go home and redirect my “energy” towards my husband. It is a big lie that men are the only ones like that. I never tell him what started all this, it may not have been him, but him is all I want. Why would i say anything to make him feel bad? Also, these attractions are not real, these are just primal. For instance, I remember once I was sitting in a cafe with friends staring at a guy’s hand and that happened but ask me what would I have done have he asked me out. I would have said “no”. I didn’t even like the guy but on that day at that time for no reason I found him and his hairy hands to be very sexy. There were times when my mind wondered like even about much older men, normally unattractive to me men, men I don't share anything in common with. We are animals after-all. But some things are meant to be kept to yourself. Women love with their ears , remember. Make her feels special and this dilemma will not even come back. Who cares what you thought off on a random day in a random place if you kiss her when you see her, if you tell he she is beautiful, if you whisper how much you love talking to her, hugging her and do everything else with her, including being intimate . I don’t think there is such thing as too much sweet and sexy talk especially is she has self-esteem issues. There are women who really don’t like so much hugging, kissing, affection but I have a feeling that it is not your girl.

 

Yea, usually relationships bank on two primal psychological needs:
This comes from the 2 out of 6 core needs defined by Tony Robinson:
Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something

I think by telling her that you get 'thoughts' towards other woman, that brought down her overall feeling of significance, and importance. Its not the need for her to know that shes smart, or beautiful, etc. Its the need to know that she is the person you value more than your own breath. You need to build that importance in HER mind. She needs to see it in day to day action. Doesn't even have to be big actions, or even intellectually constructed time plotted and released actions. She needs to be convinced, and you need to be firm, and trust yourself in your decisions.

 

This is so good! Thank you for writing this. We can look at different areas of the world (heck even within each country themselves) and every society, culture, etc will have different "criteria" for what is attractive. For instance in the US boobs are a huge turn on for most men. While in other societies they are nothing more than body parts to feed their young. In some cultures women are shamed for showing their ankles and in others it is totally natural for women to walk around topless. We are highly cognitive beings and we do not live our lives off of instinct like other animals. To use the excuse "well it's just biology" is a cop out and actually quite an insult to men and the male human brain. I think men are much more capable than society likes to give you all credit for.

 

@penitent, I have something I wish to share with you privately, but I can't seem to find a way to do that. If you're interested in my feedback, send me a PM that I can respond to.

 

I think it's definitely possible for you to not have these feelings. I think my father mastered it in terms of when he was going outside and doing something he was entirely focused on that one thing. Perhaps actively place an emphasis on the task at hand rather than the people you see.