Had an emotional outburst today, came to some conclusions. Advice needed

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Sakazuki27, May 10, 2019.

  1. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    56
    29
    18
    Today I had a dispute with my dorm neighbour about a minor thing she does all the time. It pissed me of every time and today I had a small outburst of anger. It was all stuffed inside and I could barely control it. She made the issue bigger and send an e-mail to the administration and made it look as if I threatened her life. I felt like a child throwing a tantrum, I don't even know if I was right or not. I doubt my own behaviour. I felt like I lost because I got angry and annoyed about something that didn't change after I complained. I'm ashamed of myself. It's an unpleasant feeling.
    My thoughts were racing and I could watch them, they were "She wants to suppress you", "you have no power", "you are ridiculous", "you will suffer for complaining and getting angry", "your needs don't matter". Really I have trouble assessing the situation, I take these kinds of situations far too personal and there is a fear of consequences even if I'm right. I called a friend who helped me calm down and he told me I made a mistake by getting angry at her directly, women hate confrontation. I felt like an idiot for getting angry.

    After calming down there was someting deeper bothering me. I doubted my goal to get a college degree. I don't know if I will ever make it with these kind of emotional problems. I know I have anger issues and PMO, smoking and gaming were ways to suppress it. Self improvement also felt like a way to run away from my problems, like a drug or punishment just to feel better. I don't know how to really improve myself and it makes me feel helpless. My father can't give me any good advice and no one in my family can really help me through this process actively, so I'm kinda alone. What do you think guys, any help is appreciated. I want to improve socially but I feel like a burden to everyone.
     
    CoolBuddy7 and Kratos_GOW like this.
  2. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
    How many days you have been on nofap? Small things tend to grow into big things if you dont take care of them. I had a similar thing with my friend who lived at my place, I gave him a place to work and didnt charge the living. He basically didn do anything in the house, just sat. Thats ok. The main thing that exploded in the end was shower regulation. I told him, that after using shower, turn the water knob where it was before he made hes adjustments. Never did:) just a one small thing i asked him to do. He didnt. From that tiny shit it escalated to a heavy arguing and he ended our friendship:) he didnt want to turn the knob in shower after he used it, and didnt want to do that one thing i asked him to do. Because it was a small thing. Even so small that he ended our friendship because of that.And self improvement is never running away from your problems. Stay on in no PMO and things will correct themselves slowly.
     
    CoolBuddy7 likes this.
  3. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    56
    29
    18
    I do NoFap since September. It's this whole living situation here, 8 students of mixed gender from all over the world live in this flat. And we don't get along that well. I'm at the point of being pissed of by every little thing, don't know if this is the withdrawal symptoms or normal. I suck up everything that bothers me until it's too much and struggle finding peace. If if wasn't for my faith I would've lost my mind already. Every day I'm pissed off and act as nice as possible because I don't want to hurt anyone or appear aggressive. But inside me there is a lot of anger and frustration, also helplessnes and fear.
     
  4. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    It's alrigha boy. Anger can be a weapon if it can be controlled. Yes it was not right for you to yell at your neighbour not because of her sake but because of your self control. You need to learn how to calm yourself only by yourself as in future you may not have anyone else available. See if there is any reason that makes your angry. Make time for meditation. Remember an angry mind is a narrow mind and it will get hold of you if you let it. Answer is simple, Self control. Good luck boy
     
    CoolBuddy7 and Sakazuki27 like this.
  5. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    56
    29
    18
    Yeah I need to learn to control my anger in a healthy direction. For us men it's something that drives us if used properly. I only learned to supress my anger, which was harmful in the long run. Is anger ever controllable?
     
    Kratos_GOW likes this.
  6. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    Yes it can be, through self discipline and self control anger can be conquered. Try meditation. Excercise to divert your anger into something else. Good luck boy
     
    CoolBuddy7 and Sakazuki27 like this.
  7. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
    You should look this talk. Anger is our defence if we are afraid. I've been really angry inside when younger, but I control it nowdays. I know theres a angry dog in me and I show people that dog if nessessary. That solves a lots of problems. We all have that dog inside, be friend with your dark side, and youll be more whole and balanced. People respect other people who stands up for themselves. Stay strong.
     
    CoolBuddy7 and Sakazuki27 like this.
  8. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
    And take some martial art classes, it gives you more confidence.
     
    Sakazuki27 likes this.
  9. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
  10. So... the real problem is bottleing all inside and pretend it's ok and staying away from confrontation?
     
  11. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    56
    29
    18
    I think the short answer is yes. It's a normal human emotion but these days getting angry means being weak. Our generation of men has bean castrated emotionally by society. If you get angry you get labeled and suppressed.
     
    JustadudenamedAbel likes this.
  12. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
    Yes. But what I have been noticing is that people respect you for that. Respect that you have some balls to be a man. No, being angry isnt weakness if its controlled, weakness is when you lose control over your emotions. Be labelled, So what. What do you have to lose if you stand up for yourself? Nothing!
     
  13. I also learnt in the past few months how great it is to be aggressive / assertive, not only people respects you more but is amazing how much you can gain from it when you just decide to take an active action towards what is right for you and you accept no shit from anyone and even when you don't get what you want you feel much better than when you did nothing.
     
    Sakazuki27 likes this.
  14. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    56
    29
    18
    Totally agreed. Though I have this personal fear that when I get angry I will face consequences. I'm afraid of getting angry and when I do, I also get panic. Is this normal? I ask because I always had anger issues and what do I do if the reason why I get angry, doesn't disappear? For example my dorm mate continues putting the clothes horse in front of my door. I feel like a fool really. Any advice?
     
  15. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
    A small story. I was drinking with some strangers and one moment when I was smoking one guy told me that im so quiet and calm. He didnt know what to think about it. I told him, that its a bit scary right? And he nodded scary wasnt my looks, but calmness. Like the Bible says: beware of the anger of a calm man. Or Something like that.
     
  16. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

    509
    442
    63
    Yes, you will face consequenses. Thats the point. You are ready to face the consequences and people see that, they see that you are willing to do something about it nomater whats the outcome. So hang your clothes on that. Youll see that it will dissappear wro that place. Consequence is your clothes on the floor. If he starts babling about it just say that this is not the place for the c.horse. and as long as its in front of your door there will hang your clothes.
     
    Sakazuki27 likes this.
  17. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

    766
    685
    93
    I don't know the details, but anger is very normal. Maybe the thing your neighbor was doing was not a minor thing after all. Maybe it was even intended to harm you. You sound like a self conscious person, so I don't think you are that bad. The worst kind of angry people are those meanies who deny what they are doing.
     
  18. Have you tried talking to your dorm mate about that issue? I mean in a calm way explaining that you find annoying the clothes horse there and that you will appreciate if you two could find a different place for it. If that shit doesn't do it then you can escalate the situation at something like "cut it off with the clothes horse or I will have to deal with it through administration but I would rather find a solution now"

    In my opinion that's the opposite of what you are trying to do because that is classic passive aggressive behavior.
     
  19. Sakazuki27

    Sakazuki27 Fapstronaut

    56
    29
    18
    Yes a few months ago I asked her to put it somewhere else, as calm as I could. She reacted bitchy and I became angry but hid it as well as I could. She told me she wouldn't put it somewhere else and that I am retarded, because I'm pious and actively practice my religion.

    She continued and I didn't say a word eventhough it still bothered me. As I said this morning I had enough and felt all the anger coming up. After arguing I left and said angrily "you will see". I couldn't believe what happenned next: she complained to the administration about ME and sent a screenshot in our WhatsApp group. She made it look like I threatened her life. I was shocked about the way she wrote it and was like come on, really? She even threatened to call the police if I harm the horse in any way.

    I also complained to the administration and they answered me that they told her it's not allowed to put the horse in the hallway. And they also told me to be more respectful towards her. "Okay No problem, I am respectful if she sticks to the rules", I thought, and she didn't even bother putting it away.

    I'm not dumb, she likes this drama and that I'm pissed about this, but come on who needs this. I can't stop thinking about this.
     
  20. Bale

    Bale Fapstronaut

    255
    348
    63
    Why don't you give her the opportunity to experience an appropriate response to the humiliation she tried to force upon you with that Whatsapp group? Some people have absolutely no respect of others and need to be taught that it's not okay to lie to get people's attention and get away with stuff. Make it clear that you won't allow anyone to disrespect you and act like she did.
     

Share This Page