Had Sex for the first time

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Kman20, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    I’m a 23 year old male so I’m a little late when it comes to dating and having a sex life. I started dating this girl and I couldn’t believe I was about to have sex because as a prior porn addict that’s what I was dreaming of for years and could only dream of. But now after years of being clean I finally got to have sex for the first time with someone I’m actually interested in and I was incredibly surprised by how I felt after.

    I thought I’d feel like a god after, like the man, like I could walk down the street and everyone would be giving me daps kind of vibe going on. But actually...

    I felt exactly the same as I did right before I lost my virginity. There was literally zero change in who I was as a person and how I felt. It’s almost as if it didn’t even happen because you couldn’t tell it from my demeanor. Still the same guy, still the same motivations, no spike in feelings or feeling like I’m some god now. I felt basically the same just now I can say “Hey..I’ve had sex before” that’s literally the only difference.

    So for the guys here who haven’t lost their virginity yet and are striving to because they feel like it is the ultimate goal in life it really isn’t all that. Don’t get me wrong though sex is incredibly fun and I’m not discrediting the experience of it. It’s just that don’t expect it to change you as a person and to be someone completely new after. It’s just an awesome experience and not some goal you should be stressing over night and day about. After having sex yourself you’ll realize it's not that big a deal and wish you had just realized this much sooner.
  2. I think this is a good observation.
  3. yeahman

    yeahman Fapstronaut

    Mazel Tov! And here's to a fulfilling relationship with your sweetie.
  4. YoungBaller23

    YoungBaller23 Fapstronaut

    That's what i felt when i relapsed after 500+, After it happened i just felt calm and no difference at all.
    RollerCoaster likes this.
  5. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

    It doesnt change you but it takes that pressure off you that you put on yourself 'im not a real man as a virgin'. a lot of people do it simply so they lose the virginity label.
  6. MikeSilva

    MikeSilva Fapstronaut

    Exactly, the label is put there because of society... I have a friend who wants to lose his virginity to the girl he loves and wants to marry. He is waiting till he is married to lose his virginity.

    This friend is tall and good looking and there are many girls who approach him. People are saying that he is crazy and that he should fuck as many girls as possible but he simply does not care. He follows his own path and is waiting for the girl he loves.

    That is a man! Not giving a damn wat society tells you to do and following your own path.
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    It's the same for fame / wealth / success / achieving dreams. All these things people chase because they think they'll feel a certain way after achieving it.... and then they realize nothing has really changed. That's why a lot of successful / famous people commit suicide.

    It's not about the destination. It's about the journey. People really take that saying lightly. It doesn't matter where you are, who you're with, or what you're doing... wherever you go, there you are. It doesn't matter if you have a million dollars with all the fame and success in the world... it's still you that's experiencing all of that. If you're unhappy and bitter driving a basic car, you'll be unhappy and bitter driving a luxury car. If you're not happy and engaged with life in the daily process of what you're doing, you won't be when you get to the destination.

    That's the difference between a completion mindset and a growth mindset. The person with the completion mindset needs to complete something as fast as possible to relieve some kind of tension. What's the ultimate form of completion / peace / comfort?? Death. They're subconsciously trying to reach death. Whereas the person with the growth mindset is enjoying the process of what they're experiencing in the moment.

    Most of the time the person that's insecure of being a virgin is someone that's trying to relieve the tension of social pressure. They don't want to be found out that they're somehow less of a person by not having sex. It doesn't stop there. That insecurity and need to relieve tension permeates throughout their entire life in every aspect. It's people pleasing. It's escaping tension. It's seeking completion / death. It's destination addiction (when I get there / when I get that next job / when I get that next relationship / when I get that next experience... then I'll surely be happy).
    OnTheEdge, Alex1993, RealMe and 2 others like this.
  8. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    *Gives you daps*
    Kman20 likes this.
  9. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

    Right, I was expecting a party or something. -daps-
    Lexie, Kman20, PeterJL and 1 other person like this.
  10. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

  11. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

    Lexie likes this.
  12. chutnupe

    chutnupe Fapstronaut

    Wow that completion vs growth mind set is a really interesting aspect. I experienced having a completion mindset sometimes in my life, falling into a hole after a completion. The bigger the goal was, the bigger the hole.

    Can you recommend some references on this topic? I would love to dive deeper into that.
  13. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    I don't know of any references.

    Basically if you're operating from the mindset of "I need to complete / attain / achieve this so I can feel enough / at peace / happy / worthy" you will always reinforce the belief that you're not enough / at peace / happy / worthy. Even if you achieve that thing, you're feeling good for a bit of time and eventually you return to the same patterns of belief because you've reinforced it so much. It's basically self sabotage. Even if you get what you want, you label it as not good enough or I need more more more... because it doesn't fit your belief / identity of "I'm not happy unless I get that next thing". It's destination addiction. If your happiness / gratitude is always in the next thing / job / car / person / experience, it will never be where you currently are. It will always be in some future goal which you will discard as not good enough.
    Alex1993, Kiz Whalifa and chutnupe like this.
  14. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

    Cannot relate, TS.

    Both I and my wife were virgins on our wedding night. Madly in love.

    Felt intoxicating. Felt like a stud, everything worked out a-ma-zing. Couldn't wait for the morning, to do it again.
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  15. Johnny13

    Johnny13 Fapstronaut

    What do you mean by clean?
  16. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    Find the book Mindset the Psychology of Succes by Carol s. Dweck. It goes into depth about this.
    chutnupe and Alex1993 like this.

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