Hails

Joined a few days or so ago, and I'm a little surprised to be here. I recall hearing of the NoFap some time ago and didn't know what to think of it..I'm sure I was fairly cynical, ha now I'm here. I do dig and find it quite relatable to have the nofap system set up as a video game sort of analogy as, I use to play games a tonne since '89..I definitely wasted alot of my life doing that, but much much more balanced now.

I've bit of an addictive personality like most, video games, cigarettes, coffee, porn, drinking..big on stimulants. I rarely drink anymore, after 10 years I stopped cigs..at a year and a half clean now but, I smoke pot but it's been easy to control thankfully.

Been enjoying porn for over 20 years, started with finding a friend's dad's playboys..discovered masturbation in 96 and put the two together. Then getting a PC to myself in my room with internet in 99/00 was when the real exploration began and it just felt normal to look at alot of porn and play violent video games, mostly alone. Being an introvert added to it. Been looking at and watching porn ever since.

Fast forward to 2013. I met an incredible woman, like no other person I've met and we hit it off hard and fast. Before I moved in I deleted my porn collection without her mentioning a word because, I suspected it had contributed to negatively affecting past relationships. Shortly after getting together with 'her', she told me how porn was a deal breaker, it was cheating in her books. I started to look at photos of other women and masturbating sometime after a year or so I think and, kept trying to stop, it was really off and on. I would full on lie to my partner, cold, bold face lie..I'd say anything to not let her know because I didn't want to lose her, it was really fucked up to be so deceptive. I told her my truth and struggle around the beginning of March this year and it's been devastating for her. We have an amazing little girl together, I use to be a stay at home dad and now I mostly just see my child via video chat as I live an hour away and my ex/sorta partner is really off and on with my company. She doesn't prevent me from spending time with our daughter but, due to not working because of covid and driving a sweet old van and being an hour away on the other side of the mountains, it's hard to afford to see her in person as much as I'd like to.

Well, that's the jist of things. I'm working on a lot of things right now in life, it's all part of the journey and I know it's going to turn out good, as good as I want it to. Optimism, wait..I CAN feel that way?! To quote Keanu "Whoa". \m/

 

Hey Jiminy, I'm sorry you had to do the damage to someone precious to you. It's hard to comprehend what we've done eh? I could never imagine the damage and effects of porn until I really started to read on it with scientific studies..wtf, no warning label.
That's great you're doing better man. How long have you been on your new path? The healthy relationship seems like a hard thing to find, don't mind the cynicism but seems like everyone's fucked up in their own way.

At the same time I told my partner about porn, I had also realized I've had emotionally abusive behaviours in other ways besides lying about porn and jerkin it. That fucked with the ol' noggin, some of it I'm still not totally sure about my wrong doing but, I have been reading everyday on psychology, behaviours similar or the same to things my partner described she experienced from me so, I'm open and on a pilgrimage I guess.
I would like to get back together with my family as I love them more than anything else but, there would need to be changes on both sides I think, as my partner also has some toxic behaviours in her communication. I still think she's an amazing human being but, the whole relationship needs an overhaul.

Have read about the challenges but have yet to look into it more. I do have a counter calender going via Fortify. I was at 37 days porn free but, had a bit of a reset on Sunday, the day I joined ironically.

 

Journey is the destination, same as motorcycling! Thanks for the compliment, I think my wording can be weird at times. You're gf doesn't have a problem with it..whaaat?! I don't think I would be here if porn didn't ruin my relationship because, porn has felt so normal my whole life, well I did question it when I got together with my baby mama..but you know, socially it's more or less accepted. Wasn't until I started my research I was like whoa..wtf!? I'm really curious if no porn equals more confidence and has other physical and mental improvements, as well as being rid of the monkey on my back feeling that's similar to other forms of addiction. Rock on.

You're right that porn and the commercial portrayal of women does make us view women as objects or body parts, which I thought was more or less normal..ya know, being a man. That's good you two were able to keep in touch and realize things about yourselves from that time frame, I think we're always going through some changes in life and sometimes the journey that the people in our lives are on, can and do branch off from the one we shared. It's sad but it happens alot. I watched a Ted Talk that mentioned that, how it's normal for others to have a finite role or timeline in our direct experience - not pertaining to death.
Being alone is much harder to resist temptation for sure, I didn't have a problem looking at porn when my gf was around thankfully but total self control is a challenge. This forum super helps at night, I haven't been on a forum in years, it's nice to be on one again and for a good reason. You've come this far man, you can do it too.

Coffee Candy, thank you for all the info! If you moved the thread thanks for that too, I started thinking about my initial post today and how it had too much of a personal story to be just an intro.

 

Sorry man, I don't. I watched it over a month ago on a different device and profile.