Half a Year of Monk Mode: My Honest Observations

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Fenix Rising, Jun 30, 2019.

  1. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    As you can see from my counter it has been half a year since I've stepped on the monk mode path. I have mixed feelings when looking back. It has been far from glorious ride so far. It's more like a steep exhausting mountain climb, without sight of the top. Here are some my observations so far:

    The Good:

    1. Controlling porn and masturbation urges has become non issue -> I lost all interest in porn and have no urges to masturbate anymore. The urges to have real life sexual encounters have reemerged after being suppressed by my daily PMO binges by far too long.
    2. PIED problems are improving -> I obviously can't say if everything works fine now (monk mode), but I do get morning woods almost on daily basis now and sometimes get spontaneous semi hard erections just from thinking about having sex
    3. Gained lots of free time -> That's the obvious one coming from someone who has lost hours a day on PMO
    4. Lifestyle changes -> This one is a mixed bag. I mean all the changes I have tried to add are obviously very positive (healthy sleep, diet, exercise, socializing), BUT implementing them has not been very successful so far. Ironically I did better job at implementation in the first 3 months then in last 3 months. I atribute this to a "the bad" factors.
    5. Emotional numbness is mostly gone -> The feeling of being stoned all the time is gone

    The Bad:
    1. Depression -> I have become more and more depressed. Most of the things I do I started to perceive as a burden. Even simple things like taking care of personal higiene eating enough (I have become somewhat skinny fat) seems difficult right now. Regular exercise somewhat lifts my mood for a day, but it's like taking an aspirin for a headache but not addressing the reason why I had a headache in a first place
    2. Social Anxiety -> Social anxiety has escalated in last month, there is no doubt about it. It has gotten so bad, I'm scared of socializing with good friends, I used to love hang out with. I can't relax anymore. I have had time breathing and I'm all tense during conversations. Public places like pubs are another nightmare where I feel threatened without a reason. It's funny I have no fear going alone in forest or in the mountains without a phone, where objectively speaking there is real possibility of accidents but I'm anxious when I have to accept invitation to a drink with a friend to not look like a total asshole.
    3. Self-esteem nosedived -> My self-esteem is probably at the lowest point in my entire life at the moment. I'd say it cannot fall much lower.
    4. Insomnia -> To be precise having hard time falling asleep and having hard time waking up (oversleeping). I really tried to normalize my sleep pattern, because I can feel it's causing me physical problems and affects all areas of my life, but I was unsuccessful so far. I think part of the problem is my depressive state. Worries keep me awake at night and thought that I don't want to start another shitty day yet, keeps me from waking up
    5. Inflammation and fatigue -> Again part of depression symptoms probably. But inflammation of joints and muscles are real physical symptoms… My GP has no clue why this is happening. I didn't have this problem while on daily binge PMO regime though. Maybe because chemicals released during O also have anti inflammatory properties so it mask the problem? Who knows. I started eating fish oil (which I think helps a bit against inflammation - I feel the difference when I don't eat it for a couple of days, but it could be placebo effect) and will add Zinc supplements to the diet next week.
    6. Addiction replacement -> Time spend on the web has become problematic. I'm probably mentally developing another form of escapism related habit to keep me away from "reality" which is very bad.

    Probably not the "success" story you wanted to read. But there's no point in lying I would foremost be deceiving myself if I left negatives out. I have imagined much more positive outcome by the six months mark when I started this journey, but it is what it is. To sum it up on a more positive note, I do believe I learned a lot during current reboot process. It has enabled me to unnumb my emotions (no matter how painful they are right now), stop "running" away, hiding behind PMO curve and do some self-examination along the way. I'm thankful to be able to climb out of daily binge PMO prison and have lost desire to return, no matter the pain. Rebuilding time awaits me now. “Only in the shattering can the rebuilding occur.”


  2. Shekhar_95

    Shekhar_95 Fapstronaut

    I'd like to comment on this "Self-esteem" part.

    I think "Self-esteem" is a very overrated concept, it's perhaps a counterproductive notion. You don't feel supremely good about yourself - it's normal.
  3. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    I agree that being overconfident isn't a good thing, but having normal amount of self respect is crucial to function normally and feel OK in your own "skin." I think that working on self-esteem improvement is important also for reaching other goals than PMO. We must learn to trust ourselves.
  4. CS1

    CS1 Fapstronaut

    Stopping PMO not the reason for your problems, find out what is lacking you to make you not happy and the problems you have mentioned
  5. Fide Leo

    Fide Leo Fapstronaut

    181 days, amazing! I believe you should try to change the way you look at things. You might think you're in a bad place, feeling depression, insomnia, and all the other stuff you mentioned. But perhaps it is more a matter of how you are looking at the world and the way you are having relations to others rather than your own behavior and responsibilities. You should be proud of yourself that you have won control over an issue in your life, porn addiction. That might be a positive aspect in your life, and it might lead you to look for other issues in your life, issues you never noticed because you were fapping. How are you spending your free time? why do you think you feel anxious whenever you have to meet other persons? Is there some sort of persons with whom you feel better? All that stuff is important. I also believe it is important to have a change on how we perceive what is good and bad, most of the times things are not even good nor bad, they are right, wrong, appropriate, etc. Being honest, I think you are doing a good job, and it could be a super job if you start working on changing other habits. You've already being successful in changing one.
  6. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

    Well man its for sure is hard mode but monk mode is when you do hard mode + no FB and no youtube - no social media.

    Anyway, I see easy for all your problems. If you exercise every moorning it should lift up for the rest of the day. You need to move every day except maybe give yourself free Sunday. Also, moorning exercise helps to fall asleep at night cause it improves sleep.
    Depression is normal cause what else can you expect when spending much time on the internet. Depression is what usually follows cause screen time is what alters mental diseases. Even if you don't have mental diseases excpet depression then depression is what starts other mental sicknesses.

    Even just 5 minutes right after waking of very high volume excersise will make a significant change in your body and mind for the rest of the day even you just spend rest of the time on internet.

    Anyway man other than that good way to feel good mentaly is manual labor. WHen you move your body in work. It makes it so much easier to fight depression.

    I like that you added fish oil cause its good for brain and body. Also, Zinc should help with sleep. You can look on bulkpowders.com and look for sleep aid supplements and even stronger oils than fish oil, like for example krill oil. Also, liquid fish oil from bottle helps more than oil pills cause dose is higher in the spoon. Stronger than Zinc would be ZMA - look it up too.

    Also, I think a big part of your depressed mood comes from sexual thoughts. You should keep your mind clean and you will have less unreleased sexual energy that creates summertime sadness. Try clean food too for few months. Like paleo died or something - clean and unprocessed foods.

    So yeah fight plan is -
    1. Exercise
    2. Work(manual labor)
    3. Clean food
    4. Clean thoughts
    5. Strong supplements.
    6. Real life social interactions.

    You need social interactions with people to motivate yourself to do all the good things for yourself. Should make you happy too, especially if you find a good friend or so. Hobbies should help find positive people around you. If you don't have hobbies that help you meet people then try church!
    Good luck ! God have a plan for all of us.
  7. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    Thank you for advice. A lot of points to think about. I must admit I developed a glass half empty mentality, but I'm trying to change that. I also try to implement 6 step program into my daily routine http://tlc.ku.edu/elements to help me deal with depression/anxiety, with limited success so far. But this program does help when I'm disciplined enough to follow it.
    control your life likes this.
  8. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your advice. Yeah, my YT and web browsing habits have become totally unhealthy. I must cut this behaviors off too. Luckily I never used FB or other social media except to contact friends and I don't intend to start now. Manual labor is also one of the things I should definitely do more of.

    Interestingly your fight plan is very similar to the program I've been trying to follow during current streak: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/hopeless-case-searching-for-hope.187822/

    Basic steps of this program are:

    1. Physical Activity (Exercise)
    2. Omega-3 Fatty Acids
    3. Sunlight
    4. Healthy Sleep
    5. Anti-Ruminative Activity
    6. Social Connection


    I believe it was crucial to my reboot so far. Taking my thoughts away from PMO by focusing on checking 6 steps every day, has made abstention much easier in the first months of the reboot. I was semi successful in following thrsr steps but, just knowing what I have to do no matter how shitty I've felt has been a motivator that has kept me away from PMO. Especially vigorous daily exercise routine helped me very much. Unfortunately I had some bad luck 3 months into reboot (broke a leg and them been hit by a car while cycling), so I coudn't do much exercise last 2-3 months. But I intent to go back on track following these 6 steps as much as I can. My mental state becomes sooo much better when I follow them.
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2019
    control your life and SirErnest like this.
  9. Berlin2019

    Berlin2019 Fapstronaut

    I love you man !!! you made my day !

    keep on going !!! don't stop climbing you will get to that mountain top and will look at your life rom above.
    it isn't easy man but i'm 100% sure this is the right way ! you have a lot on your mind, but when you are no PMO you have confront it ! that's why sleeping is diffucult take your time be strong it is worth it !!!
  10. Cccddd

    Cccddd New Fapstronaut

    Bro, first i’d like to say good job! 6 months monk mode is not easy, i’m currently on the same streak.

    I feel exactly the same regarding the self esteem part. I thought that after a couple of months i’d feel great, but instead i feel worthless...
    I think it’s Just a phase we’re goin thru...

    Stay strong bro!

    Fenix Rising likes this.
  11. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

    That's what nofap really is...

    Don't listen to he kids on placebo, the bullshitters, the youtubers...

    NoFap won't give you superpower, nofap is long and hard. Very long...

    You're doing good, just keep going...
  12. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    The negatives you explained is just a prolonged withdrawal period. I have had them in the past, sometimes they last a month other times up to 3 months.
    You just gotta keep going. Depending how many years you were PMO addict and how bad it was it can take you up to a whole 1 year to experience the benefits of NoFap.
    Everyones brain is different and everyone experiences the benefits at the different times, It is just a process.
    Back in 2016 I hit my best NoFap streak ever, it was around 50 days and I felt like superman. Everything was flowing good, I was very active and also a big one was that I was meditating a lot everyday and using binaural beats music.

    The meditation and also 5-HTP supplements are a god send. 5-HTP will help you a lot during withdrawals and depressive periods. It is natural serotonin supplement from griffonia seed.
    Try it. Good luck. Stay strong.
  13. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

    Well sunlight makes sense cause you bread some fresh air and take vitamin D from sun. Sunligh helps against depression as well as some reported that taking vitamin D helped them a lot against depression. So it wont do harm to take vitamin D daily even when having sunlight. Also how you can do both and cheap - Omega 3 + Vitamin D is when you take Cod liver oil cause its a fish oil and cointains Vitamin D and vitamin A 100% of daily dosage. Also from bulkpowders.com. I take this every day for years for my heart cause it feels better when Im using it. But I take one 1000mg capsule a day. Taking one spoonful liquid stuff or more a day on an empty stomach, used to make my skin more beautiful too as well as my lips.
  14. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

    And Im sorry to hear that you broke your leg. Must have more luck now on stage - as they say " Break a leg". Anyway, you can still move your hands to exercise. Hopefully not in fapping motion but some kind of other exercises.
  15. Brown Boy

    Brown Boy Fapstronaut

    totally agree with @Shekhar_95
    @Fenix Rising You hv achieved smthng and u should be proud on that. You are free from an addiction man. Come on!!!!
    And about the others problem u shared, i think before Nofap u used to think they are bocz of ur PMO addiction but now u know PMO wasn't the problem, it was just a distraction. so i think u should find out the real reasons behind these problems.
    Shekhar_95 and Fenix Rising like this.
  16. Shekhar_95

    Shekhar_95 Fapstronaut

    I don't know but self-esteem almost sounds like "self-admiration" to me. Why one needs to admire himself?

    Anyway I fully agree with on the part of self-respect and confidence and belief in oneself. Thanks for replying. :)
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  17. Indian Oak

    Indian Oak Fapstronaut

    i would be the luckiest person on this world if i could get stoned naturally lol
  18. Becoming Conscious

    Becoming Conscious Fapstronaut

    Bro, you are doing great, keep doing it. forget what is PMO. just try to live normally every thing will become fine gradually.
    wish me good luck today i started my streak.
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  19. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    Thanks man... Keep up fighting, you'll break free eventually. Every day without PMO is a small personal victory.
    Becoming Conscious likes this.
  20. Ajar

    Ajar Fapstronaut

    I feel either your progressing, and you're becoming more sensitive to the lifestyle you're leading, or you need to cut sexual thoughts down.

    Start playing around with removing and adding different food.

    I know what i a about to say might be a bit of a leap, but try it: Last night I was trying to avoid the mental thoughts of sexuality. It worked actually, I slept deeper than I had in years. All literally overnight. My usual, was to imagine being with a girl sexually, or lying down next to me, before I went to sleep. You know, because I tend to generally feel lonely. But last night I didnt do any kind of imagining. I slept like a rock. I didnt even twist and turn as i usually do.

    Look at my Biochemical post, my idea is that the more you think about something, the more it highlights that direct thought pathway in your nervous system. So cutting out sexual thoughts therefore causes a downregulation of receptors for a certain pathway. So maybe this can help you not only in terms of sleep, but also with depression and lethargy. If you do decide to try this, PM me your response. I would love to build a database. Thanks for listening.
    Fenix Rising likes this.

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