Hanging by a thread

[neworder91]

At this point in my life, every thought that crosses my mind is subject to question. I do not trust my thoughts anymore. I have been addicted to PMO (since 15 years) and now to weed (since 6 years). The combination of these two subtle but very potent escapes has brought me to a point where I do not know what I can do to get out of this problem anymore. I am married, my work is being affected massively, but in moments of isolation and in other public moments where my thoughts go unchecked I start going down the thought-spiral of lust. I love my wife, but can I even trust myself when I say that? My wife has always been there for me and supported me through my (failed) attempts at recovery. I now feel like a cheat, a person who has turned their backs on the ones he cares about the most, by pursuing a few minutes of secretive, selfish pleasure here and there. Disgust, self-hate, and other emotions do not compare to how I feel about myself. I want to recover. I want to have healthier ways of engaging with my mind and the pleasures it seeks. Can I control it? Should I control it? How? How can I trust myself? Is there hope for me? I want to share this in a bout of piercing desperation. I have become so isolated, losing friends here and there. Can I come back to life?

 

[Robindale]

The answers to your questions are “Yes”. You can do this and you will learn to trust yourself. You are ahead of the game in that your wife knows of your issue and is supportive. And you cannot do this alone. This habit was borne in secrecy and isolation and has to be combated with honesty and connection. If you don’t already have a therapist, get one. I would suggest a support group like a weekly NoFap group or a 12 step group like SAA. I cannot emphasize enough the power of sharing this with another human being who is going through the same or similar thing and can relate and be non-judgmental and supportive. And you need to educate yourself on this issue, but most importantly, dig down deep as to why you go to PMO as your solution: solution to what - feeling inadequate or not good enough, feeling like you don’t fit it or needing to be affirmed, a childhood trauma or abuse not processed and dealt with, feeling resentful, etc. We all have our story and reason(s) and we need to dig down and understand it and work to heal it so that we have other ways to deal with our pain and hurt and not need to go to PMO. You are worth it, our wives are worth it, and your relationship is worth it. Best wishes for your success.

 

[Peacelooker]

At this point in my life, every thought that crosses my mind is subject to question. I do not trust my thoughts anymore. I have been addicted to PMO (since 15 years) and now to weed (since 6 years). The combination of these two subtle but very potent escapes has brought me to a point where I do not know what I can do to get out of this problem anymore. I am married, my work is being affected massively, but in moments of isolation and in other public moments where my thoughts go unchecked I start going down the thought-spiral of lust. I love my wife, but can I even trust myself when I say that? My wife has always been there for me and supported me through my (failed) attempts at recovery. I now feel like a cheat, a person who has turned their backs on the ones he cares about the most, by pursuing a few minutes of secretive, selfish pleasure here and there. Disgust, self-hate, and other emotions do not compare to how I feel about myself. I want to recover. I want to have healthier ways of engaging with my mind and the pleasures it seeks. Can I control it? Should I control it? How? How can I trust myself? Is there hope for me? I want to share this in a bout of piercing desperation. I have become so isolated, losing friends here and there. Can I come back to life?

Being addicted to both porn and chemicals and alcohol and quiting both can be done I did them both ! I will say not both at once in my case, quit one the other popped up mostly later and quit that, do I have magic solution? No ! Read about how people quit porn which this site is a good start, and find out about quiting weed if it's affecting you negatively in a place that specifically addresses that !Welcome and good luck