Happy when you date someone vs happy with family and friends

Its all down to perspective I think, some people get more out of relationships than others. To use myself as an example, I want a relationship but have had to stop actively pining for one because all it does it make me feel down, so instead I focus more on self-betterment to achieve my happiness. I cant really say whether being in a relationship would make me "explosively happy" as I've never been in one.

 

You are right. Love is like a natural drug. Family and friends can make you happy, but they can't give you that kind of high

 

Relationships can be and become idolatrous. Why do you think there are so many guys out there with some hot women that treat them awful yet the guy won't dump them?

Relationships aren't meant for either person to become codependent yet thats what happens.

 

If it's true for you then it's true for you, it doesn't mean it's true for everyone. Also we have no way of Actually having your experience, happy is a very generic word though obviously different types of relationships elicits different types of happiness. Explosive is a bit more descriptive but still, how do we know the details of the texture of your unique experience?

And none of this gets at the thinking around it, conscious or unconscious.

 

They don't dump them because they've invested so much into the relationship already. Although they're treated awfully most of the time, they convince themselves it's all worth it when their partner gives them a small amount of validation / reward / attention. One is detached by giving as little as possible in return in terms of commitment while keeping them attached. The other is anxiously and desperately trying to get closer. Both feed off each other in a toxic loop. This doesn't only happen with women to men, but also men to women / man to man / woman to woman.

The definition of love can be different for each individual and is often distorted by mainstream media. To a lot of people, love or the idea of romance is being extremely needy. Not being able to function without the other person. Sacrificing and enduring everything to win the other person's affection. Over compensating / investing / performing / convincing to win their heart.

Personally, a great relationship to me is two already whole individuals coming together and they both grow from the experience. Both individuals can live without each other and whatever happens between them is bonus rather than something that obsessively needs to happen.

You can experience those highs with friends and family if you've shared struggles and victories together on a common goal / path. Other than that, most people take them for granted and don't invest too much in building deeper relationships. Thus not experiencing those highs.

 

I’ve experienced explosive happiness from non-romantic relationships. Of course, romance is special, but happiness can reach beyond it. I believe that happiness comes from being whole and seeing things from a beautiful perspective

 

This doesn't only happen with women to men, but also men to women / man to man / woman to woman. It's not evil. It's just how some people grew up. Lack of understanding and development. It's not only the person being avoidant that's the problem. It's also the anxious one that's at fault as well. They feed off each other in a toxic relationship. The anxious person doesn't want to be in a bad relationship, but he/she needs the validation and intimacy. Especially when the other person is pulling away. The avoidant person wants his/her space, but also doesn't want to be alone.

• Anxious Attachment Style – If you have the anxious attachment style, you greatly crave intimacy deep down, which is shown in neediness, preoccupation with the relationship and worry about people close to you loving you back.
• Avoidant Attachment Style – If you have the avoidant attachment style, you experience intimacy and closeness with other people ( or dependency, in other words) as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. That leads to behavior that minimizes closeness with other people.

Your dominant attachment style tends to influence:

• How you view intimacy and togetherness
• How you deal with conflict
• Your attitude towards sex
• Ability to communicate your wishes and needs
• What kind of expectations you have towards your partner and the relationship

An individual's attachment type could be developed by their upbringing.

The mature and ideal attachment type would be the secure attachment style.

Secure Attachment Style – If you have the secure attachment style, you usually feel comfortable with intimacy and have no problem being warm and loving.

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Love from the family and friends is very different then the intimate love between lovers, husband and wife.

I am gifted with the love of my family and friends. Despite this, I always thought that I was missing something important until I met my wife. I have to admit this "new" love really gave me so much tranquility and peace of mind. I feel complete. I feel also extremely content with her. So yeah I would say both kind of loves are important and definitely not the same.

 

Sure. And there are two things in the Johnny Cash quote here, being with someone and being content with the ordinary - that's the having coffee part.

The second part is also very different than being in a relationship, and the combination of both is something different too. I think a lot of people might put the emphasis on the relationship with the partner but not relationship with the ordinary moment, because they don't know about the latter and have not really experienced it or have not experienced it alone.

Some people know about being in love with another person, some people know about being in love with life, and some people know both.