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Has anyone noticed a worse relationship after relapsing?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Faramir, Aug 13, 2018.

  1. Faramir

    Faramir Fapstronaut

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    Whenever I relapse, my relationship with my girlfriend seems more strained than fun. We get into more disagreements/arguments than we normally do. We give each other fewer genuine smiles. It feels like she gets on my nerves more easily than normal.

    I don't know if this is a sign that PMO is making my relationship worse, or if my relationship isn't that great to begin with, but my sexual attraction towards my girlfriend (which is lessened after I PMO) makes the bad parts of our relationship less apparent.

    Has anyone else experienced this problem?
     
    BCICAN likes this.
  2. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    Yes whenever I relapse I feel people around me lose their respect they have for me when I have gone a long time without PMO. Also people are more aggressive with me.
     
  3. slink123456

    slink123456 Fapstronaut

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    Yes things around you become worse on relapse and also anxiety around gf was another thing.

    Does she know that you PMO? I’m guessing you are looking at quitting or on a no PMO streak, but PMO while
    in a relationship can complicate it, or worse still make you lose attraction to
    your gf because porn can become more of your focus/dependence and spend less time with them.
     
  4. Faramir

    Faramir Fapstronaut

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    My girlfriend knows that I PMO. She said that she considers watching porn to be cheating and I see her point. I think watching porn is a lesser form of cheating. I have told my girlfriend that I consider myself to be addicted to porn and that my goal is to stop watching it completely. She gets upset when I relapse but she has decided to stick with me. I'm grateful about how understanding she has been but I feel ashamed that I keep putting her through the pain she experiences when I relapse.
     
    slink123456 likes this.
  5. It sounds like it is definitely the relapse and the feeling you have after you do it along with her knowing.
    Find what is causing you to relapse, your triggers. And since she knows about the PMO, let her know what is going on. It sounds like she is willing to help.
    Also when you are feeling this way, come here and talk to us. We are all fighting and have no problem trying to help you through a tough time.
     
    Faramir likes this.
  6. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Yes. Everything and every relationship seems worse after a relapse. Life in general even is worse!
     
  7. Faramir

    Faramir Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the replies. I'm now confident that the problem is porn, not my relationship.
     
  8. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Yes, you're correct. When an addict starts using a drug again they become irritable, short tempered and less open minded. Fighting always flairs up during those times. The people around them notice. Your body is always rampaging through a cycle of craving & withdrawing. I'm amazingly patient with my wife for the last week because I've totally cut out PMO.
     
    Kenzi and Faramir like this.
  9. BCICAN

    BCICAN Fapstronaut

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    My relapse today led to major relationship tension and to my joining here. I don't want to hurt her confidence in us, in me or in her. Relapses make her less secure in my relationship. That is my fuel to get into this.
     
    Faramir likes this.
  10. Faramir

    Faramir Fapstronaut

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    I want my relationship to improve, but I keep giving in to the urges! Once I start to get an urge, the only thought in my mind is satisfying that urge. I forget all about my girlfriend, our relationship, and the consequences of relapse. How do you stay focused on your goals when an urge comes on strong?
     
  11. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Good for you @BCICAN . This is the best place for you to figure out how to move forward.
     
  12. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    You'll need to get past the urges somehow with a system you put together. Have a plan for what to do when the urges come. The more you successfully get past one urge, the easier it is to get past the next urge. When you get one and it's coming on strong, go for a run or swim. Everyone has a different plan. Can you get rid of your electronic devices for a while? That helps too.
     
  13. Faramir

    Faramir Fapstronaut

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    I need my computer for school, so I can't get rid of it. I have noticed that I only get urges when I'm alone at home. If I leave the house every time I get an urge that would definitely help!
     
  14. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Addictions are triggered by a context that we associate with the reward. Back when I smoked cigarettes I only got the urges while I was at work. That was the only place I ever smoked so it was the only place I got the urge. I never wanted one at home because my wife would slit my throat if she saw me light up.

    If you can fight the urges while you're alone at home you'll start to break the association. For now do whatever you can to fight it and eventually being alone at home will become something you can do without struggling.
     
    Faramir likes this.

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