Has anyone overcome weird fetishes?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by AtomicTango, May 2, 2020.

  1. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Well I relapsed again after a couple of days, feeling pretty bad right now but I'll be fine, this isnt what the thread is about.

    I want to know if anyone here has actually managed to overcome weird fetishes, and if so, how did they do it? I find myself in a situation where I have the willpower to be productive in my daily life when it comes to reading, writing, and other personal goals, but I cannot seem to stop my brain from being triggered by even the slightest of things, and whenever I am triggered, it seems like its only a matter of time until I relapse, and when I relapse, its not to the thing that triggered me, nor to anything similar, I always seem to hone straight in on extremely specific videos that make me feel bad after I watch them. I am trying to cut out all porn but I cant help but feel like I wouldn't feel anywhere near as bad about it if I was relapsing to "regular" porn. This isnt to say I excuse myself when I do, I dont, but still. Its become increasingly clear to me that I'm not relapsing because I actually want to PMO in general, I'm relapsing because my brain is telling me to seek out these very specific things. Honestly I can tolerate not getting on long streaks, I mean OK even if I relapse every few days thats still more days spent sober than not so to speak, its not ideal but pragmatically I can accept it as a baseline and try to make the gaps larger and larger. What I cant tolerate anymore is this fucking fetishes, they are fucking my brain up and making me feel like shit.

    Can anyone help, and offer anything beyond the obvious "just go 90 days"?
     
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  2. Well, I should post after maybe a year, because I am not already defeated my demons. I don't know if it would help you, but I will try to write what helped me to suppress my idée fixe. (but there is a possibility that I could screw up, so..)

    First, as one smart dude said in this nofap forum, you must understand what feelings you try to hide with these fetishes. Everything has a reason. Watch your emotions, give you time to not think, but watch it, feel it, especially if you are neurotic like me. In my case, which I think is similar to yours, my incapacity to remain longer in streak was determined by a stressful, anxious and depressed lifestyle. I had a HUGE arsenal of NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. I never had time to think about myself, but ironically I thought I am a genius of introspection because every day I understood absurd of my actions and I wrote a diary, but that diary was related to worries and projection to future :D. Now I think I suffered from many idée fixe and I am not recovered at all. So.. What I can say to you? Sometimes it is better to let your minds flow and watch it in third-person. Really. Even not meditate, but just disconnect from everything and sit there about one hour or two. That somehow worked for me. Give you time, maybe even 2-3 hours in the day. Look in the sky, admire clouds and stars. I called it killing Ego because all my fears and demons lie there. I distanced myself from myself (yea, it sounds stupid but somehow it is true).


    "I'm relapsing because my brain is telling me to seek out these very specific things" I felt that. It was a moment in my life when I could search for stupid videos 2-3 hours in day. :(( Because of that every time I couldn' remain but relapse after 1 day or even 3 times in a day. This autistic thing in searching porn videos caused my autistic behavior in other things. I could search for any stupid worthless thing in google for hours. While trying to sleep I have been fighting with those fetish minds by arguing with myself but it didn't work. I had even weird obsessive desire to play worthless stupid 3 year-old-lvl strategy game which annoyed me but I couldn't stop. I have played this weird game about 2 hours a day... Everything with me was miserable because I was obsessive. It is related with porn addiction because I do this stuff with help of the internet and technologies. So I started to fight my internet addiction. Right now I am using the internet only for nofap and studies (no YT, no social media, no games...) I hope that I will move towards and could use internet-only one time in a week. Ironically that now my biggest problem is this site, but I am there because I guarantee that I won't relapse while being there. So.. I think to reduce internet use could be an option.

    TL;DR
    1) give yourself a time to be with yourself
    2) fight with the internet and things that require attention addictions.

    Right now I remembered that there could be 3) option but it can't be long-term. To me, it really helps to fight my fetish by staying there and helping others who have the same fetishes as mine. I consider it short-term because doesn't really fix anything, just transfer your obsessivity to helping others.

    Just let me remind that only you decide if you will relapse or not. In the past, I thought that I can't control myself. But nope, every decision I made is my own. And every time I had the power to say NO, but I didn't and I felt even worse. It is not hard to stay strong. Dude, your streak was 322! Maybe you forgot that longer you go easier it becomes. Give all of you in the first days, after this it will be much easier.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2020
    AtomicTango likes this.
  3. To date I have not grown out of any fetishes. I am in the belief that my main fetishes (being vore and subbing to a transgendered person) are permanent, although I only discovered them through porn. My tastes have changed since I began watching porn - I used to watch a lot of lesbian stuff but now I find it boring or gross.
     
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  4. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the input, I definitely need to get some time between me and the relapses, maybe 3 weeks or even a month, then it becomes much easier. But its just so hard at the minute.
     
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  5. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the input. What gives me some hope is the knowledge that I have managed to overcome certain other fetishes that I haven't mentioned, ironically not by doing anything other than just neglecting them in favour of the ones that bother me now. I know there is some debate over whether "addictive personalities" are a real thing but I am sure they are and I have one because my capacity to become completely obsessed with certain extremely specific things goes beyond just porn, its just that porn is the best example of it because there is also the chemical rush involved in that that strengthens the obsession.
     
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  6. Oh absolutely. If addictive personalities are real then I am the same as you in that regard. When I bought my first tin whistle I played it for up to 8 hours a day, for example. Or I'll spend all day on Wikipedia just reading about random stuff that doesn't affect me. I do crazy things like that all the time. And then sadly, there's porn and video games and a bunch of other horrible distractions.
     
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  7. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I said this on the other thread but the upside of this is me being able to manipulate my brain into wanting to do things that ARE productive, such as exercise and writing. Its just much harder to do that in reverse, ie break my brains desire to do something. Even now, I want to take a day off from writing, but I know I will feel bad about it if I do, despite making loads of progress and it being irrational to feel bad about a break.
     
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  8. kevinjeter

    kevinjeter Fapstronaut

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    Only fetish I have is big tit bbw women or big ass women and if they’re pretty ugly mainly because I’m so insecure even tho I’m good looking . I love smashing the fat chicks I just do in private for example last summer on my days off I’ll buy a hotel in the city get drunk go to clubs and bars by myself and try to get a fat chick
     
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  9. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

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  10. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I feel like that kind of fetish is pretty harmless in and of itself, apart from the insecurity part of it I suppose. To me, a fetish is only negative if it brings mental or physical harm to you or others, if you have no problem with what you are doing then theres no issue. Its like the Queen song says, "Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round."
     
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  11. rostronaut

    rostronaut Nofap Moderator
    Staff Member

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    I agree, same is the problem with me. Atleast you have refrained from the PMO, and just have these thoughts. I am not able to that also man. Its hard. Nothing is easy. Well still trying and will keep trying.
     
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  12. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Man, even I relapsed yesterday night after 43 days, I was having lot of depressive thoughts and somehow I found myself searching for p and ended up going back to my fetishes. Actually, I don't know but people with fantasies must keep themselves busy, if we think we can overcome by shear willpower, then it's not gonna work I guess. Cos for past few days, I have been cutting off my other escapes like movies, anime, youtube etc and ended up getting low.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2020
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  13. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    Look essentially a fetish is just this; you get a dopamine reward from conceptualising x fetish.

    You conceptualise and pursue x fetish because you crave the dopamine reward and the way it makes you feel. Most humans do not crave this dopamine feeling/reward like addicts do.

    The issue isn't with x fetish; it's actually with the craving of the way the dopamine induced by the fetish makes you feel. As soon as you stop craving dopamine, the fetish will no longer be a problem
     
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  14. Damn man, I have forgotten this. Thanks for reminding me! Understanding this really could help to people with addictions.
     

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