Has anyone taken actual revenge?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by missbuiltiful, Oct 29, 2019.

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  1. missbuiltiful

    missbuiltiful New Fapstronaut

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    I have — by posting photos of myself on subreddits and inviting objectifying comments.

    I hate myself for sinking so low as to partake in the culture that has stoked my partner's PMO addiction. But it feels like the closest equivalent of what he did to me: lie about his problem for all of eight years we've been together. And vehemently deny it when confronted.

    It's been a tumultuous four months since I most recently discovered his PMO addiction. I say "most recently" because I've made similar unpleasant discoveries before, only this time it hit especially hard because we'd been planning to get married next year. Perhaps not anymore.

    Four months on, I'm still thinking: if he feels that it's acceptable to jerk off to other girls knowing full well that it hurt me, then why can't I have other men jerk off to me? It's only fair, right?

    Feel free to sound off in this thread...
     
  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Two things ...

    1) Be Careful
    There's another woman on these forums with a sad story. When she found out about her husband's problem she decided to find out what it was all about by watching porn. She watched more and more until she found she could not stop. She ended up signing on here to beat her own addiction!

    2) Why is having other men jerk off to photos of you the flip side of your husband jerking off to pictures of other women? Don't both just adhere to the idea that it is always the women who are the objects, their only agency being how sexy men find them? Surely that's a 'value' which is at the heart of porn?
     
  3. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    It's understandable that you feel the need for revenge. Being hurt like you have is terrible, and I'm so sorry he chose to do what he did to you. I wish it had never happened to you.

    One thing that has truly helped me cope with my husband's choices, is that I know I have never done anything to hurt him. It has given me a slightly self righteous sense of contentment. I know, that whatever happens in my relationship, I did all I could for my husband and me to have a great relationship. I did everything I could to make him feel loved and cherished, even though, in some ways, he didn't always deserved it.

    Another thing that would further restrain me from letting other men view my body, is that I know many of them have girlfriends and wives that would feel terrible knowing about it, just as you and I feel terrible. The last thing I would want is to contribute to the hurt of another woman.

    Living well can also be a very good revenge. If he sees you living your best life, with a high sense of integrity, his respect for you will increase and he will probably, at some point, regret what he did to you even more than if he found out about what you do on subreddit.

    It's natural to loose ones marbles every now and again, we all do it when we face these kinds of obstacles and devastation. Hopefully, you make sure to take care of yourself these first, difficult months. All the best to you.
     
  4. missbuiltiful

    missbuiltiful New Fapstronaut

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    Re: 2) For me, it's about taking revenge by doing something that would hurt him, the same way he consciously hurt me. But you're right: in the process, I'm just belittling myself, which is what makes me so mad. In a fucked up kind of way, it's almost uplifting to know that other men would find me hot even if my partner doesn't. Sad how self-objectification is so deeply ingrained within me.
     
  5. missbuiltiful

    missbuiltiful New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your encouragement. The sense of contentment bit is definitely an incentive, as is not wanting to contribute to the hurt of another woman. I've been trying hard to work on my self-confidence but it's all been very superficial (e.g. new clothes, new hair etc.) and I realise that it's not going to do anything in the long run. The ultimate goal is to detach my self-worth from his views and actions.
     
  6. Lovegirl

    Lovegirl Fapstronaut

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    I did not. But I did think about it seriously. Think about booking an escort guy. Or to let somebody by my sexual services. But I would not be able to go through with it anyway, so no. Also I want to keep being the good one...
     
  7. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    I totally understand the feeling of wanting to get back at them by making them hurt too. I did that the first time I found out about my husband’s PMO addiction. I was constantly sleeping in bed alone while he was on the basement computer jerking off to bimbos with dildos. (We were newlyweds and I was lonely!) I decided to go to my bedroom and turn on a porn video as loud as I wanted, used a vibrator, moaned loud enough so he could hear me getting off without him. Did it help? Not really. I really don’t remember him caring and I know he didn’t say anything. Which pissed me off more! My point is that I sympathize. Unfortunately, no amount of “revenge” will make it better or snap him out of it. It will only make you feel bad about yourself.
     
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  8. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Is it really revenge or are you trying to show him that other men desire youband value you when he didn't?
     
  9. missbuiltiful

    missbuiltiful New Fapstronaut

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    Probably more of the latter, but also revenge because he "imposes" restrictions on what I can and cannot wear because he doesn't want other men to look (meanwhile, he looks at other girls....)
     
  10. An0nym0usWife

    An0nym0usWife Fapstronaut

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    My ex had a serious porn problem. I couldn't prove it, but I bloody knew. I installed a key logger on all devices in the end. Something I vehemently disagree with. He used to go through all my texts, PMs, emails, even with family. I was furious about it, as I believe people deserve privacy. But after years of his shite I caved an installed a logger to see what he was up to online. Well turned out he wasn't just watching porn multiple times a day. (He had a bowel problem and would use that as an excuse to go to the bathroom 10 times a day, only to be jacking off to porn instead) well he was also talking to other women online. God knows if he slept with others, but I strongly suspect he did multiple times. Taking over an hour to go get bread at the shop, kinda deal.
    That was it, when I saw it there undeniable evidence I saw red.
    So I did had a bit of a thing with his best mate. I was working away with the guy for a week. Lots of flirting, then kissing, then hand jobs, but when it really came down to it, I couldn't sleep with him. That's just not me. I couldn't go through with it. Wish I had now.
    Spent a few more years in an abusive relationship with him before I finally left.
     
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  11. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    I’m not here to judge but I don’t understand how an idea like this come to mind. Like he hurts you and instead of just leaving right away you seduce his « best friend ». Did you like his mate in the first place ? The dude lost a bad friend, I don’t even see that as a bad thing for him in the end.
    Did you confronted him with proofs or just decided to revenge without talking about it ?

    If I had a problem in my relationship and my SO did that, that would be the end of it, no more reason to try to fix anything.
     
  12. An0nym0usWife

    An0nym0usWife Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I confronted him first. According to his logic his talking to other women online was the exact same amount of betrayal as me talking to Male coworkers at work, about work. Tried to leave him and got 7 bells of crap kicked outta me. So I suppose I was looking for comfort in all the wrong places and thought added bonus of really hurting my then partner. He never did find out in the end. They're still best mates and my ex will be best man at the guys wedding next year.
    Not proud of my actions, but I can't change them.
     
  13. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    Huge red flag. But I know it’s easy for me to say that. getting out of abusive relationship can be difficult. You left him, that’s the most important part :)
     
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