I will say this, dude. I can recognize that its just some sick "curiosity" gone wrong. When I abstain I still want to be with girls, but I just feel inadequate and unworthy. I couldn't say I ever truly "wanted" a man. It plays into low self esteem and a load of other triggers. You feel GROSS about it for a REASON. Because you're going against your instincts by doing this. The "feel good" feeling you get is just your bodies natural instincts and dopamine system being "hijacked" by conditioning. And so you only know how to get that "feel good" sensation from what you know.
This doesn't make you anything, dont believe that you are something that you are not. And no matter what, you are always SO MUCH MORE than your sexual preference in the first place. You know what I mean? You dont have to keep doing things that hurt you. So if you want to reinforce your masculinity using specific methods, then go for that. Diets, exercise, talking to girls (maybe starting out with just having girl friends and not looking for a girlfriend.) OR just search for peace through spirituality, or meditation, or what have you. Your path is your path.
Ill be quite honest and say that porn may have caused me an identity crisis, but NoFap gave me an existential crisis lol. In completely suppressing my sexual urges I have questioned the whole entire concept of pleasure and "self" and why Im doing this and WHY/HOW AM I EVEN ALIVE ANYWAYS. Man, their is so much more to life than this shit that were dealing with. I haven't made it very "far" but I can at least feel confident in saying that the more "serious" you get, the worse you will trap yourself. Just got to accept it and move on.... Try to be aware of the real danger of the porn, without being so serious about it that you hurt yourself worse than what you have already done.