Has years of porn use caused anyone to think their gay?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Jreeze2015, Jul 4, 2016.

  1. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

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    I've been battling with what I believe to be HOCD for 3 years now. I started watching porn at 12 years old. I was a comfortable heterosexual male and never doubted or questioned that until I turned 19. When I turned 19, a few months later I was experiencing ED and weak erections. I had sex with 14 girls by this point, always jerked off to straight porn and girls were always my sexual fantasies, dreams and crushes.

    Because of these weak erections and diminished attraction to girls, I had the thought "what if I'm gay?" And it's been stuck ever since. I overanalyze everything I do, if I talk, walk, dress or act "gay". Every time I try and fantasize about sex with a girl, that thought of another dudes penis pops in my head and I find myself wondering if it's the penis I want and not the girl, but I know it isn't true because I've had sex with and liked girls my whole life.

    The bottom line is, I know I'm not gay but I can't stop these intrusive thoughts. I'll even get them around old gross men, my own father and uncle, they just won't stop.

    I haven't been able to go longer than a few months without porn, and I've been watching it for almost a decade. I'm just wondering if anyone's had similar experiences and beat it with staying away from porn and masturbation? I'm tired of being an anxious depressed wreck. I don't want to go on antidepressants but I will if it's my only option because I want to get on with life, have a wife and kids and be happy. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your feedback.
     
  2. yes, I have had those thoughts also. I am not really gay, in reality, but my mind thinks I am. I wonder if it is from years of watching porn, having those imageries in my head. and then when you quit watching p, those images and thoughts are still there, tricking you.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. if you don't mind asking, what is HOCD?
     
  4. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

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    "HOCD, also known as Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a form of OCD that a person has when they have a fear of unwanted thoughts that they might somehow be attracted to the same sex. People who have these thoughts often feel they are losing control or feel they are having paranoia of some sort.

    These feelings are caused by a fear of attraction to the person of the same sex. Most often a person will have thoughts in their mind such as "I am not as good looking as him" or "he's really good looking", which will eventually lead to such thoughts as a person wondering if they are gay because they think that a person of the same sex is good looking. But this has nothing to do with a person being homosexual at all.

    When a person has HOCD they are having insecure, false thoughts to the afflicted person. A person will often feel as though something isn't right or something doesn't quite fit into reality with the situation. These thoughts and feelings will often cause anxiety, confusion, stress and pain. These thoughts will often continue and will not go away as if it is attacking their mind.

    It is as though an inside impulse is trying to convince you to do something that you would not normally do. A good example would be your mind telling you to jump off a bridge and you know for sure it is not a rational thought that you would normally think of and you know for sure that you would not do it. Well, HOCD is the same thing when you're having thoughts of being gay you know you will not carry out any homosexual activities. This is what impulse fear is and it's what causes a person to be confused and having OCD type behavior. It turns into a disorder when the thoughts become persistent and you're unable to control the thoughts. Having these thoughts, a person is often being convinced by something in their mind that is not true and this causes confusion and mental distraction."
     
  5. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I always thought i was gay. but for 2 weeks i had gone to a workplace outside my town n i was in a room with a make colleauge n somehow i never had thought of gay sex. in fact i would eye women then n i wanted to be all masculine n tough.

    abstaining from porn helps. now i can masturbate to both thoughts. but gay thoughts sort of disturb my mind after ejaculation. straight thoughts make me angry that i wasted all these years with gay thoughts. it's tiring.
     
  6. Tj720

    Tj720 Fapstronaut

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    I worried about this a lot. Because of my religious upbringing, i was taught to save sex with a woman for marriage, so I guess i justified looking at gay sex or masturbating with guys by thinking, "well it's not a girl. we have the same parts, so its ok." that lead to most of my porn and sexual experiences being with men, because i saw women as "off limits" til marriage. Basically I got to the point that I was going WAY farther with men than I ever wanted to, because it was part of my addiction, but I had ZERO interest in men romantically or emotionally: only physically/sexually. This is TOTALLY a real problem for many guys. My recommendation is rebooting as much as you can, and treating behavior with men as bad, or worse, than porn. Reboot yourself from doing stuff with guys. But do not try watching straight porn to "get rid of the gay" because that is just replacing one problem with another. REBOOT. This heals your brain. It may take a while, but those feelings will shrink. I'm at the point now that those thoughts about doing something with a guy only pop into my head like once every other month, and i know as I keep rebooting those thoughts will get less and less. Your brain will reboot to the way it originally was - being attracted to women in a real, healthy way, not a porn-fueld way.
     
  7. oversexedsami

    oversexedsami Fapstronaut

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    I absolutely agree with Tj720, you need to complete no PMO reboot to help you with this. I think you'll get some valuable feedback here and resources on understanding and overcoming HOCD because I've seen men discussing it in the forums. I can certainly understand how it is possible to become this way from years and years of porn addiction, and it certainly does seem like you're on track with knowing what you're dealing with. Best of luck in getting past this and being happy and comfortable in your own sexuality again :)
     
  8. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

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    I just started a thread about this, but didn't see that this one was up. I don't think you are alone. I've found that masturbation has made me feel attracted to women, and now that I've been without it for over a week, I'm losing that attraction.
     
  9. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    This world and society itself are going to shit. Why? The powers that be have found really fucked up ways to destroy the foundations of manhood and subjugate the populace masses by subtly causing you to question your own sexuality. Like empowering women to parity is not havoc enough already.

    Seriously folks you need to get your testosterone back so you can take ownership of your life. To start cut out that damn porn and masturbation.
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  10. that was how it was for me to, was not aloud to even date girls in middle or high school, or even hardly associate with girls
     

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