Has your PMO led to genuine infidelity?

This is not something I've done, but definitely considered. Before I stumbled onto YBOP, I was having terrible luck with women, and never have had sex before.

I thought that paying a stripper or an escort would be worth it just to lose the V card so I wouldn't feel so damn behind all the other guys. Once I started the reboot I became more disgusted with the idea. While I'm no expert on this, I can say now that it seems like this kind of behavior "mimics" or "mirrors" PMO addiction in certain ways.

Primarily because the focus of this sexual experience is entirely yours. It's completely emotionless and you're making sex a commodity that can be given a monetary value (kind of like porn). Sex becomes a service rather than a mutual experience between loving adults. The girl who's getting you off likely doesn't remotely care about you, but she can definitely be paid to pretend she does.

For me- just an observer, I haven't done any of this- it seems like the worst thing this can do is make you forget how to love another person.

 

Thanks for the thoughtful posts, Scott & Kosh. Both struck a chord with me.

Scott, I'm not even sure if your case is even 'extreme'. I've gone through the same process of excessive porn leading to real life encounters. I'm not married, but my behaviour has helped destroy a couple of good relationships.

I've done plenty of sowing my wild oats, but it's never enough. There's always something else out there to feed the monster. It's just occurred to me that my first ever visit to an escort was in 1996, just a few months after I had internet installed at home (which was used almost entirely for porn). That can't be a coincidence. It's been mostly downhill ever since. I've had a couple of lengthy relationships, but I've always kept a part of myself hidden away.

I actually have a recurring dream in which I feel acute anxiety about someone discovering my porn collection. Ouch. Don't really need Freud for that one.

"The worst thing this can do is make you forget how to love another person."

That line actually sent a shiver down my spine. It perfectly sums up why I'm here. I'm late, but not too late. Onwards chaps.

 

As a married man who's been dealing with this problem for at least 15 years, I can say this: While I have never actually been (physically) unfaithful to my wife, there were a few times during my blacker periods when the only thing that stopped me was my complete ineptitude with flirting/hooking up, thank god. During my more salient moments I realized that I was looking for sex like in pornos, which I couldn't have asked of my wife, and wouldn't have happened with any woman not being paid a good amount of money. I have also had to come to terms with the fact that sex is deeeefinitely not ever like that in a real-life I-like-you-you-like-me relationship.