Hated and alone

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by hated, May 8, 2018.

  1. hated

    hated Fapstronaut

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    All my life I have been hated. My parents hated me and abused me from childhood. All people who talk to me, eventually stop and never contact me again. I had 3 abortions and I hate myself for killing my babies. I can’t get over it. I am MO addict and unable to stop. I feel so alone all my life jet I am unable to trust people or find people I would like who would like me too. I can’t even connect with my family.
    Like it makes no difference if i life or die.
    I have no job and don’t know how to heal. I hate my mum and other people for not caring.
     
    MasterGamer likes this.
  2. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    I wish I had more to offer, but all I can say is that I'll be praying for you, if that matters to you, and that I do believe in your ability to overcome these struggles. Also, maybe take a look at this website http://hopeafterabortion.com/ or call this number 888-456-HOPE (4673) you can also find a location near you on their website. Abortion breaks so many hearts of the women who end up choosing it, and it can be so helpful to just be able to talk about it.
     
  3. Why did you kill your three babies @hated? o_O
     
  4. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

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    can you try to find professional help?
     
    hated and kio_actualized like this.
  5. Hi hated,

    I am so sorry to hear that you are in a lot of pain. Life is tough and it is even tougher when we make decisions we later regret. The past has the power to haunt us in the present, and color our life with its drab lifeless shroud. But we don't have to let it. We can remove the shroud, and let the present be the present. The past happened, we cannot change it. But the present is where we are right now. The only power the past has over who you are at this moment is the power you give it by dwelling on the past. If you can learn to stop this, you can be free from your past. Pay attention to what is before you right here, right now. Be grateful for what you have. You are a human, it is spring (if you live in the Northern Hemisphere that is), the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming. Life is happening in all its glory and vibrancy right now right in front of you. There is strength in the present, there is forgiveness. Nothing you have done in the past has a bearing on who you are right now. Pay attention to the present and if thoughts about the past come up, smile at them and forgive them.

    As for your loneliness, I think it would be a good idea to get outside and starting volunteering at some places. This will give you a chance to meet new people and develop new relationships. It will also add experience to your resume, which may be helpful in finding a job. Let other people be there for you. Let them teach you that you are not as alone as you think. Remember, your perception of your life may not be that entirely accurate. Let others reflect your life back at you and give you some perspective.

    Please consider seeking professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone there to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, unsuicide maintains a list of online Instant Messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feeling you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!
     
  6. hated

    hated Fapstronaut

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    I don’t know.
     
  7. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    leave your parents home? , just find some hobby's , get some goals, and go towards them so the thoughts if your dead babies become weaker, so mediation goodluck , also I think no one hates you but in your head everyone heates you , happens to me too
     
    hated likes this.
  8. Please, let's stay on topic here. hated's original post is about how lonely and isolated she feels, not why she had her abortions.
     
  9. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    she can't get it out if her head, but that's because she has to accept it and let it go,
     
    hated likes this.
  10. hated

    hated Fapstronaut

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    So why do all leave me?
     
  11. hated

    hated Fapstronaut

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    Thanky you @matthewmammothrept, your post was very helpful, especialy the part about importance of today and not allowing the past to colour my today. But it is easier said than done and somehow I am unable to do it. And your links are very helpful too. Thank you. I appreciate your input.
     
    VeganRights likes this.
  12. kio_actualized

    kio_actualized Fapstronaut

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    I really hope you get better.
    Besides seeking professional help, maybe you could think about starting a new hobby or habit... Maybe you enjoy going to the gym? Or running? If not those, maybe meditating? Do something good for yourself, take care of yourself, because you do deserve good care.

    Do you have any action in mind that you wanna take, specially considering @matthewmammothrept 's suggestions?

    It's important to take some action. We are here for you whenever you want.
    You can also privately message me for accountability, if you want.

    Stay well!! I want to see you recovered!!! Stay with us!
     
    hated and Deleted Account like this.
  13. hated

    hated Fapstronaut

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    I expected judgement and connemnation but you give me acceptance and support for who I am and what I have done. For a moment this made me feel like there is a place for me as I am in this world. I never felt there was place for the real me. So thank you. This changed something in my heart. A little bit, but it changed something for better.

    I think I would like to start jogging again to losse my extra weight.
     
  14. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut

    I think let that question sink in a hole, maybe you just don't need them, you need you, good luck, now for me I took a medicin, which I don't care now what people think, but I took it only today in the morning, :)
     
    hated likes this.
  15. truthseeker17

    truthseeker17 Fapstronaut

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    I feel so sorry for you ... I will be praying for your happiness.
     
    immadothis and hated like this.
  16. TC10

    TC10 Fapstronaut

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    It's okay to feel like this sometimes. Life's tough, and it will always be. Stay strong, take some rest. I'll pray for you like the others already said. Take care.
     
    hated likes this.
  17. Hi, even though you may feel alone, you are not. We are all hear for you. I'm so sorry that the people in your early life who were supposed to be there for you were not. You did not deserve this. Please do not do the same to yourself. Do not abandon yourself or hate yourself. You deserve to be loved by you. The path to healing will take some time but I assure you it is possible. You can live a life full of love. Please believe this about yourself. I hope you are seeking professional help. You deserve to heal and thrive.

    Peace to you,
    -Quinn
     
    Deleted Account and hated like this.
  18. Hi, just checking in with you. I hope you are feeling well today and I wish that you may have peace.

    -Quinn
     
    hated and kio_actualized like this.
  19. If you are here is because you are looking for help, I had similar situations in my life... But remember you've chosen to be here after outlasting millions of sperms in your mothers ovary, the same as you make decisions/choices everyday in your life, every emotion or action is a choice of you, make sure before you go to sleep tonight, you write everything good about you, and please do it, make this list of 20 very good qualities about you, filter to ten... and read it for the next 3 months before and after bed time. ;)
    After a couple of weeks, start writing what improvements you want in your like, filter/reduce to the top 10 or 5 and do read them every day as many times as possible(visualize you doing them)...
     
    hated likes this.
  20. 3P1L run

    3P1L run Fapstronaut

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    Hai hated. Based on your story, I can totally relate with mine. We're both in almost the same page. To think that you're alone in this path it's totally wrong.

    Long ago I had this same feeling/thought as you're right now. Ive always feel that i am being hated and secluded form others. The feeling of loneliness is too aching. It drains my energy, self-esteem, and motivation.

    Then I realised (after one sad event hit me hard) that this loneliness is not to be fought. But it is to be embrace. I had been going to the point to raise white flag in this fight and join hand to hand with this loneliness to become a better person.

    What I realised is that I have no responsibility to the things/people/whatever happen around me. I have no ability to change them. I can't force how they SHOULD think about me. I cant force them to like me or love me. But I DEFINITELY CAN change how I think about myself. How I SHOULD react with the things happen around me. And I'm responsible alone in my self - development. No one will cheer me If I ever to succeed. No one will care about me If I were to fail. ME ALONE is enough to do so to myself.

    So I start this plan which I called 'to become a better (my name)'. I focus on three things which are physical, mental and spiritual.

    For physical part, I commit to myself to stop PMO (hardmode) for 90 days because I know that PMO is the main meal for my depression. I also commit to do push up 4 days streak and 1 rest day. During the rest day, i will self-reward myself with coffee (I love coffee soooo much :)).

    For my mental development, I try to finish at least one novel in a month (average 200-300 pages). I am focussing on reading fiction novel because I can indulge myself into the story that I lost my self to the present world. Haha.

    And as for spiritual development, I will start my day early and meditate for 15 minutes. During the meditation, I will focus on all the things that I'm gratitude with. I vow to myself I will use whatever the 'resources' that i have at this present time to the max to become a better me. By doing this I can lessen the pain of losing something and always grateful for whatever I have.

    So these are the practical ways to that I do to curb my depression and loneliness. The irony is, I'm doing all of these things ALONE. The benefit that I get is I love myself more despite all of my weaknesses. I also don't have to 'beg' others intention towards me. People come to me by themselves to talk about their problems bcos they said I'm a good listener. I am also become more socialise nowadays.

    In the end YOU ALONE ARE RESPONSIBLE TO YOURSELF!

    I stand by you ;)
     

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