Hated and alone

I know how it feels. The mere thought of getting out of bed and taking a shower feels like an impossible mission. After a day of feeling like shit, I go to bed and brood over what a waste I am.

But I promise you, there is hope. For me, the key was doing my best with the PA issue, while beginning to do things for myself.

If running seems like too much, go for a walk. Notice the foliage and the fresh air and try to just be in the moment. Read a good book. Cook something new. Go to a concert. Learn something new - a language, a musical instrument, a sport or hobby... Begin to live life for YOU.

The same suggestions everyone makes for breaking PA also applies to rebuilding the self. Replace time spent feeding the addiction with time spent on you.

If you're into, or willing to try meditation, I strongly suggest reading "The Mindful Way Through Depression," by Williams, Teasdale. Regal & Kabat-Zinn.

Above all, know that you are never alone and never unloved!!

 

First of all, your willpower and self-esteem will vastly improve by kicking the MO habit. Get that out of the way so you can work on other areas of your life to gain more happiness and satisfaction. You will start emanating these qualities naturally without having to try and people will pick up on that and become receptive to you. Meanwhile, enjoy your solitude but work on yourself so you don't feel lonely. Being independently happy without needing anyone's approval or disapproval would be ideal. And storms will pass. And you will make those special friends in time.

 

Then perhaps you should do the PM in strict scheduled moderation like once a week, once every two weeks, or once a month. That way, you don't have to fret with the "I can't ever do this again!" torture and meantime, you can enjoy a break from all that and allow more time and energy in other areas of your life. --- Perhaps your birth chart shows lots of opposition. astrodienst.com is excellent for transit reports. ---- The most meaningful aspect of your life is your BEING, that awareness which is tied into everybody and everything whether you realize that or not. You are as priceless as everyone else. You may not like the movie of your life, but it's just that, a mere movie that your higher self simply observes. Culturing a calmer mind will allow you to be more detached to this superficial, surface, waves-on-the-ocean drama. --- You should change your username that reflects something positive and transformative. Anyway, I'm sorry if I'm trying to be a mentor or counselor. I just don't like people suffering on this site. It's challenging enough trying to break free from PM-fantasy world addiction. Take care.