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[Rakakakaka]

met a girl, went on 2 dates, they were great.
talked non-stop for many hours, and on days when we don't see each other there is no communication at all. I took the initiative, wrote first, received nothing in response. The person is not able to ask how my day went, inquire about my affairs. I said that I want to talk, she answered "maybe, we'll see. If it doesn't work out, and if you want, come to gam to play games the next day"
I strongly feel that she is freezing and dynamite. I understand that a relationship will not work out here. And I have a question. Is it worth maintaining minimal communication, or just forget about her?

I am already thinking that it is easier to call a prostitute than to bother with these dates

 

[cleaningupmyact]

I am already thinking that it is easier to call a prostitute than to bother with these dates

Big red flag here that you are not ready to date yet bro.

Dating is a massive emotional roller coaster. I used PMO to numb out my emotions. Only very recently am I feeling them again, with a few months sobriety. I need more time to date effectively.

Personally, I think one of the worst things an addict can do is date during recovery. It will bring to the surface all the feelings of inadequacy, co-dependency, shame, guilt, fear, and mix all those with hits of dopamine and the promise (imagined or otherwise) of sex.
Even worse, if we havent done an inventory on our addictive behaviors, it can lead to hurting others. Only recently have I come to realize that my long history of dating was hurtful to others; I always rationalized myself as the victim.

It's like an alcoholic drying out from years of life-threatening binges, going to a tour of the micro-brewery. Or a retreat in wine country.
As a recovered alcoholic, I can do this now. But not the first few months I was sobering up - hell no.

 

[resilient_otter57]

may i just ask, is pmo addiction harder to overcome then alcohol addiction?

 

[MikeSilva]

met a girl, went on 2 dates, they were great.
talked non-stop for many hours, and on days when we don't see each other there is no communication at all. I took the initiative, wrote first, received nothing in response. The person is not able to ask how my day went, inquire about my affairs. I said that I want to talk, she answered "maybe, we'll see. If it doesn't work out, and if you want, come to gam to play games the next day"
I strongly feel that she is freezing and dynamite. I understand that a relationship will not work out here. And I have a question. Is it worth maintaining minimal communication, or just forget about her?

I am already thinking that it is easier to call a prostitute than to bother with these dates

Continue dating, do NOT hire a prostitute. Find another girl and date her. Keep failing till you succeed.

 

[MikeSilva]

Big red flag here that you are not ready to date yet bro.

Dating is a massive emotional roller coaster. I used PMO to numb out my emotions. Only very recently am I feeling them again, with a few months sobriety. I need more time to date effectively.

Personally, I think one of the worst things an addict can do is date during recovery. It will bring to the surface all the feelings of inadequacy, co-dependency, shame, guilt, fear, and mix all those with hits of dopamine and the promise (imagined or otherwise) of sex.
Even worse, if we havent done an inventory on our addictive behaviors, it can lead to hurting others. Only recently have I come to realize that my long history of dating was hurtful to others; I always rationalized myself as the victim.

It's like an alcoholic drying out from years of life-threatening binges, going to a tour of the micro-brewery. Or a retreat in wine country.
As a recovered alcoholic, I can do this now. But not the first few months I was sobering up - hell no.

First month or so I agree but after that a person should get him/herself back in the dating game.

 

[cleaningupmyact]

First month or so I agree but after that a person should get him/herself back in the dating game.

Depends how long someone has been an addict. I've been an addict for 20+ years.
Dating is not a game. Especially for PMO and sex addicts.
I pressured almost every ex into sending me naked photos or taking videos with me. None of them wanted to. None of them talk to me anymore.
There are people here that have r*ped, molested, or otherwise violated consent.

If you have a track record like mine, and many of the other PMO addicts on here, one of the very best things you can do is take a break from dating until you have a full understanding of yourself and long-term sobriety.

A life without dating or sex seems unthinkable to an addict. But it is possible, and gets a whole lot easier with sobriety. I date sometimes now, and I have improving relationships with all my female friends. But it is not compulsive anymore, I do not feel like I will suffer if I do not date - it is a "nice to have" not a "must have."

 

[Rakakakaka]

This is my first date in 1.5 years. I took this break on purpose to figure myself out. I met this girl when I wasn't planning on a relationship and started enjoying myself 3 months after giving up PMO. I know my mistakes and what traditional views are waiting for me. And now I'm stepping out of my comfort zone to be with someone else. It will take time and I hope everything will be fine.

 

[BornGalaxy]

Is it worth maintaining minimal communication, or just forget about her?

I would send her a message about it and ask her why she's not responding, if you get nothing or its rather unclear about what she's saying, then I'd forget about her. I had a similar situation with a girl I met on Facebook Date, we talked for about two hours at a restaurant and the first date was amazing. Shortly after she was just seeming undecisive about me for whatever reason. I don't know why, we had really great talks and had allot in common. You need a woman that gives you undivided attention. She seems more about herself and that its on her time when she talks to you. You really want to try and avoid these types of women it just doesn't make sense in what they really want. I understand they can be talkable and charming, but the self-centeredness is just frustrating. Have you contacted her about or are still going on dates?

 

[Be Inspired]

may i just ask, is pmo addiction harder to overcome then alcohol addiction?

In my case, yes. PMO addiction is worse than drugs or alcohol. I think it's also very personal. It probably varies on a case by case basis

 

[nomo]

may i just ask, is pmo addiction harder to overcome then alcohol addiction?

It depends on the person and how severe their addiction is. I believe it's harder to overcome PMO because for 100,000 years humans have been hardwired to have sex, we have only had easy access to alcohol for maybe 5000 years at the most.
IMO, AA is better than SA because I think alcoholism is more acceptable than porn and sex addiction. I found larger meetings with AA which in turn offers a bigger support group. This has been my personal experience and it may be different for others.

 

[stmos]

I’m gonna let you in a little secret, here’s what old Mo used to do. I would date three girls at once. In that I would talk on the various dating websites to them go out with them for dinner What have you three times. And I would never get sexually intimate with them until I had chosen a girl I wanted to stay with. I would then compare all of them together and I would have my friend and I sit around a table and all of us would kind of sit there and go well which one has the most potential. Then I would go from there. The reason I did, this was simply put a numbers game. So this way, I could date the most women in the shortest amount of time. Granted that would mean I would always break up with two women usually at the end of each of these dating cycles, but it would allow me quickly move through the dating pools.
My wife is the only one who straight up when I attempted to kiss her on the second date, punched me in the face. As she had very strong reservations about that.


When I typed this out I kind of realize that I had Hypersexuality then. This behavior should’ve been a clue I was going to deal with issues of sexual integrity.

 

[Be Inspired]

Porn makes me feel so terrible that I go back to drinking alcohol. It happened to me many times in the past.

I've had issues with alcohol addiction in the past. I also dabbled in all sorts of drugs over the years including hard drugs. Luckily, I never got hooked on anything (besides weed maybe). But alcohol became a daily ritual for many years. Alcohol made me do really dumb things. I'm a sloppy drunk.

I got wasted on alcohol twice in 2023. One time, my friend almost died from a drunk slip and fall (he fell when we got home from a party. By that time I was already passed out in a pool of my own piss while he was bleeding out in the next room. Thanfully an ambulance and cops showed up and took him to a hospital). The other time last year I got drunk and lost 10+ thousand dollars gambling on billiards, true story. Finally, I gave up alcohol for the last time in May of last year. But since my porn relapse in June of 2024, I've been thinking about drinking again.

I had 9+ months free of porn and MO and fell hard in June of this year with porn and anonymous sex chatrooms. I haven't had a drink of alcohol in almost a year and a half and I don't want to start again. But porn and PMO makes me feel so utterly shitty that I want to get drunk again.

 

[Jerry2Rick]

met a girl, went on 2 dates, they were great.
talked non-stop for many hours, and on days when we don't see each other there is no communication at all. I took the initiative, wrote first, received nothing in response. The person is not able to ask how my day went, inquire about my affairs. I said that I want to talk, she answered "maybe, we'll see. If it doesn't work out, and if you want, come to gam to play games the next day"
I strongly feel that she is freezing and dynamite. I understand that a relationship will not work out here. And I have a question. Is it worth maintaining minimal communication, or just forget about her?

I am already thinking that it is easier to call a prostitute than to bother with these dates

Obviously it's easier to call a prostitute. Also, fucking disgusting. Just have sex with the girl you went out with. Or another girl. Nobody said dating was easy. Sometimes you get lucky and that's the whole shebang.

 

[Jerry2Rick]

I’m gonna let you in a little secret, here’s what old Mo used to do. I would date three girls at once. In that I would talk on the various dating websites to them go out with them for dinner What have you three times. And I would never get sexually intimate with them until I had chosen a girl I wanted to stay with. I would then compare all of them together and I would have my friend and I sit around a table and all of us would kind of sit there and go well which one has the most potential. Then I would go from there. The reason I did, this was simply put a numbers game. So this way, I could date the most women in the shortest amount of time. Granted that would mean I would always break up with two women usually at the end of each of these dating cycles, but it would allow me quickly move through the dating pools.
My wife is the only one who straight up when I attempted to kiss her on the second date, punched me in the face. As she had very strong reservations about that.


When I typed this out I kind of realize that I had Hypersexuality then. This behavior should’ve been a clue I was going to deal with issues of sexual integrity.

Dating three girls at once and not having sex with them doesn't sound like hypersexuality.