Have been browsing the subreddit, decided to take the plunge

R

Recovering Writer

Fapstronaut
Hi,

I'm an amateur writer, that's my hobby, and also a source of shame.

I write erotica smut. I read erotica smut. I look at porn. I masturbate. I'm depressed. I'm unfulfilled in my job. I'm tired.

I'm hopeful.

Sure, years of bad decisions and unfiltered access to the internet has disposed me to my current life. Despite being in an amazing fulfilling relationship with the love of my life, I'm not happy. Being monetarily employed enough to meet my basic needs and indulge in some hobbies and leisure, but ultimately unsatisfied.

But I do find joy, happiness, fulfillment, love. It's out there. I know it is and I want it for myself. I want it for everyone. I want so bad I'm crying while writing this introduction.

So I want to quit my porn addiction. I want to develop a better relationship with my partner. I want to be a better person. I want to beat depression, and fear, and porn, and any any everything that tries to tear me down.

I don't want to make excuses for myself anymore.

I want to recover.
 
Brother, you will recover. By reaching out you have already gotten miles closer to recovery that if you did this alone. I also enjoy writing. My day job pays the bills but I would love to lock myself away writing stories all day long. You recognize that you are not content, but instead of giving in you look to change yourself. This is something to take pride in. I am proud of you for thinking this way. Now I have a question, is writing a trigger for your addiction? Do you like to write because of it? I ask this because I write to forget about my urges and don't want to steer you into temptation by accident. You have the right mindset and are now part of a wonderful community. Welcome Brother!
-Abstainer
 
Recovering Writer said:
Hi,

I'm an amateur writer, that's my hobby, and also a source of shame.

I write erotica smut. I read erotica smut. I look at porn. I masturbate. I'm depressed. I'm unfulfilled in my job. I'm tired.

I'm hopeful.

Sure, years of bad decisions and unfiltered access to the internet has disposed me to my current life. Despite being in an amazing fulfilling relationship with the love of my life, I'm not happy. Being monetarily employed enough to meet my basic needs and indulge in some hobbies and leisure, but ultimately unsatisfied.

But I do find joy, happiness, fulfillment, love. It's out there. I know it is and I want it for myself. I want it for everyone. I want so bad I'm crying while writing this introduction.

So I want to quit my porn addiction. I want to develop a better relationship with my partner. I want to be a better person. I want to beat depression, and fear, and porn, and any any everything that tries to tear me down.

I don't want to make excuses for myself anymore.

I want to recover.
Click to expand...
Beautiful post! I think it's fantastic!

My favorite part: "I'm hopeful."

This community is filled with hope...sometimes we have to look, but it's here. I'm here to share the hope with others, because there IS hope.

Recovery requires action. It requires daily work regardless of life is horrible, perfect, or anything in between. It requires consistency and complete awareness. For me, I'm most aware when I'm incorporating a few recovery tools that really work for me in my life each and every day. Here is a list, though not complete, of a few things I need to do everyday in order to have a chance at staying sober:

- Keep a journal on this site and try to post 1 or more times a day
- Daily conversations with accountability partners
- Reading posts from others - contributing where I can
- Helping the newcomer
- Prayer/meditation
- Local 12 step meetings
- Steps and sponsor
- Read recovery literature
- Exercise
- Healthy eating

I welcome you to this HOPEFUL community with open arms. Feel free to reach out anytime.
 
The Abstainer said:
Brother, you will recover. By reaching out you have already gotten miles closer to recovery that if you did this alone. I also enjoy writing. My day job pays the bills but I would love to lock myself away writing stories all day long. You recognize that you are not content, but instead of giving in you look to change yourself. This is something to take pride in. I am proud of you for thinking this way. Now I have a question, is writing a trigger for your addiction? Do you like to write because of it? I ask this because I write to forget about my urges and don't want to steer you into temptation by accident. You have the right mindset and are now part of a wonderful community. Welcome Brother!
-Abstainer
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if my writing is a trigger or not. Porn is a fantasy and sometimes my writing is a fantasy. If I could write my urges away and use it as a fuel in a more productive manner with my writing, I'd love that. I'm taking some time early on to see if I can figure out what triggers my urges. Loneliness and boredom definitely are up there so far.

I'm a bit worried about what I'd do if I find that writing triggers me, it's a precious hobby of mine. Especially the non-erotic stories. But sometimes growth means cutting off the decaying flesh.

I'm going to stay as positive as I can early on though
 
If that is you passion keep at it. Just remain attentive and switch elements that may be triggers for you. Writing is a great outlet and don't cut it out yet. You got this!
 
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