have no one

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by queen Emma, Dec 22, 2018.

  1. queen Emma

    queen Emma Fapstronaut

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    why im alone im 25 i actually have no boyfriends or best friends to share anything with them .. i don't why !!!
    i have needs in everything like romantic story or sex with someone i love or just have friend being with me .. what's matter with me ?!!!!!
     
    Flyhigh and going up like this.
  2. SaveMeBeforeIFall

    SaveMeBeforeIFall Fapstronaut

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    I don't think anything is wrong with you. Are you addicted to porn? Because that stuff causes social anxiety. I'm in the same lonely rut as well but I'm working on it by getting a job soon.
     
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  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    What do you do with your time?

    What are your activities and passions?

    Where do you meet new people?

    What communities do you contribute and participate in?

    What have you done lately to socialize with others?
     
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  4. queen Emma

    queen Emma Fapstronaut

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    me too I'm trying .. i begining new work from last week
    i hope you too find new work and new beautiful life either.
     
    Songsy likes this.
  5. queen Emma

    queen Emma Fapstronaut

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    1) studying and working
    2) my activities( reading, watching series, shopping ) .. my passions ( build my carer , travel over the world, find my soul mate )
    3) i don't know i just have few people in my life from college and work not my best friends just friends
    4) i don't actually
    5) talk with people from college and school to make friends but everyone reject me :(((
     
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  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Making friends is easy. If they are nice people, you just have to make them not feel threatened by you and then listen to them. At least that is what I do.
     
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  7. going up

    going up Fapstronaut

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    i took a quick self induced orgasm instead of going out to find another "lonely" soul to hold. so yes, my arms are empty. my bed is empty. my life is empty. try coming to this reality @ 64. sad indeed. but the truth sets us free. free of the error of our ways. the rawness of detox of decades of escapists habits is loves away of reclaiming us. the dregs of parasite shit clogging up our hearts and minds. serious alchemy is going on now. we burn the dross. trust the process. be glad it hurts. cry baby cry. : )
     
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  8. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    why you feel like that
    do they dont give much attention or you yourself dont take much initiative
     
  9. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    here i will again like to use my all time favourite quote
    "there is never a wrong time to start a right thing"
     
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  10. VeganRights

    VeganRights Fapstronaut

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    Same here, things will get better though. Start loving yourself 100% first, thats what i do nowadays, and slowly slowly improving
     
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  11. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    Hey sister!


    Thanks for sharing about your self and your courage to be transparent.


    I love to share a few words on this as I too like you been in a serious long-term relationship with ms.LONELINESS :D


    First I have to say that I have so much compassion for you and feel your suffering.


    For a very long time - even now every so often - I fall into those dark nights of the soul - feeling like a victim - feeling like I’m never going to meet someone.


    I remember not long ago I was asking myself the same exact question and I was feeling so frustrated to see my friends have girl friends and I was single….



    What I learned through many years of being single, and being in a relationship the loneliness is a feeling that doest just go away wether I am in a relationship or not.


    Sure at first when I meet some one, they hide the loneliness I already feel - and put a mask on the top of it.


    For a while my new relationship fulfills me and gives me what I need to not feel this loneliness, but then sooner or later, the same feelings creep in, except this time I may not call it loneliness, I may call it depression or not being understood by my partner or feeling not loved the way I should be, etc.



    This is why 50% of our marriages fail - because our culture has domesticated us - just like dogs and animals - to believe that our happiness comes through another person - and outside of us.


    We have not learned how to process our emotions consciously and we are in a constant state of seeking and resisting.


    What I learned through my experience when I feel lonely I have 2 choice.


    Either I can hate my life and feel like a piece of shit and have a pitty party - which eventually ends up in porn indulgence and near suicidal feelings


    OR


    I can learn to EVOLVE through this by ACCEPTING what is.


    What I mean though by accepting it doest mean that I will not pursue to change my situation - but acceptance is an inner posture to life.


    The acceptance is a feeling of inner YES to life, that trust that something good will come out of this.



    I also learned that much of the times in my life when I suffered the most, through loneliness, breakup, addictions and other unspeakable failures, were the times that I was developing character, self control, making changes and becoming more compassionate and a better being.



    So I love to invite you to try something if you like…


    Next time your lonely, instead of trying to run from it, through social media, food, drinks, or going out…


    Instead go towards it, and make love to your loneliness.


    Make loneliness your best friend and become totally in love with it, and then see what happens to loneliness.



    The way I discovered this was accidental… one day in my deep lonely times I come to my room, and out of the sheer depression I just closed the door, turned off the light and sat in my meditation cushion and I started to pray to God/higher power to help me…


    I started to cry and I was careful not to let my mind create a story about my poor situation - but instead, try to feel my suffering directly.


    Then I started to notice through facing my loneliness head on I started to experience a sense of delight and joy right inside.


    This was a very shocking experience, and I went to it again and again.


    This is the feeling that I was always running away from, which lead me to doing so much drugs, and nearly killing myself in the past, only if I knew this back then I would have saved myself alot of pain.


    But any way,


    My suggestion is that you can use your loneliness to create a new relationship with yourself, and realize that unless you heal your relationship to your aloneness, you are only going to prolong your suffering, even if you meet some one tomorrow - you will always be needy and worry if they leave you.


    On the other hand if you learn to become more conscious, through prayer, meditation and self analysis, accept your situation and open your heart to life- stop blaming yourself and trust that some how something good will come out of this, you will not be alone for a minute longer than is for your highest good.


    Another thing that I find is helpful is to be mindful when I see others in a relationship and I create this false image that they must be really happy.


    The truth is many times people in a relationship they want to be single, and relationship comes with so much new challenge and hard work - so the suffering continues in new ways - the only thing changes is we have some one else to blame.


    So when/if you see someone else in relationship send them love and be happy for them but don’t glamorize what they have because that is an illusion.

    If what I shared resonates I invite you to read the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle - and/or listen to some talks by Alan Watts on youtube. Those have been super helpful in my journal.

    You may also find Teal Swan and Matt Khan on youtube extremely healing and helpful.

    Much love to you dear one any questions let me know
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2018
  12. This is the area we need to work on. Im picking up on communication. Also a college student, and best friends... nah got none. Just friends. So we are the same there. Few people in my life as well, but it's because I am content with them.
    What career path you into? For me its Business Management, so communication is a must have.
     
  13. Rockemsockemrobots

    Rockemsockemrobots Fapstronaut

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    Im have in common with you all those things at the moment except im male and 24. Whats your personality like? For me i realized i had a cold personality and tended to always gravitate towards judging badly like the majority of the time to others and myself so i saw better i should learn to see everything and good and get out of the habit of focusing on the bad majorily. Now that i have i feel myself more warmer of a person to myself and others im still no all star people people guy but its something i think take practice and patience. You know what its like to be without that warmth well just start being that warmth to others and yourself see good to and everything well thats my 2 cents wish you the best on your nofap journey!
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2018
  14. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Just ask a guy to go out with you.
     
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  15. elric

    elric Fapstronaut

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    Hiya I hope you were able to find friends and had a great Xmas. I don't have friends either as they married and can't go out. I've decided to restart nofap tomorrow. Hope your journey is smooth.
     
  16. Hand Jive

    Hand Jive Fapstronaut

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    I shut myself in my own little cocoon for too long and when I did come out my problems only followed me. Fix yourself first and then come out. Therapy might help as if you can drum up the courage to reveal the worst in you then it won't be so bad to actually have normal interactions.
     
  17. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

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    are you judgmental? I find it hard to believe no one wants to be your friend or there aren't people out there who want to be friends. Maybe you're subconsciously rejecting them because they you don't think they're good enough.
     
  18. EXPONENTIALLY

    EXPONENTIALLY Fapstronaut

    Maybe sublimate that desire into preparing your marriage life as a wife, mother, lover; first define it precisely. Then learn cooking, housekeeping, budgeting even, educating kids, taking care of your health, pray and exhort, trust the Gospel of 1 Corinthians 15:1-4 (KJV), these are the footsteps which leads you to your soulmate I think.
     
  19. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    The more desperate for people in your life you become, the lonelier you become. People sense that neediness, and subconsciously reject it. I recall once seeing an experiment, a long time ago, a bunch of single girls had blind dates with a dozen guys. They had to pick one at the end, still not having seen any of them, jist talk through a courtain. Out of a dozen guys, in each group, only 11 were single. The majority of times, each girl picked the one in a relationship to go on further dates, she was told they all are single and interested. Why? Because he was confident, he felt no pressure of being rejected by someone he wasn't really interested in. He was happy already with what he had. Find validation and happiness within yourself first, and people will flock to you. Try this experiment if you feel lonely and rejected :) Look within, raise yourself for your sake, instead of looking to others for validation, it will change your life
     

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