Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by topilabv, Dec 14, 2018.

  1. topilabv

    topilabv Fapstronaut

    Hello volks, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you and seek for advice.

    I am currently on my 218 day without P. However, I have a girlfriend ( which was the biggest reason I started nofap) and we've been together for almost a year. BTW i had a hard addiction, for more than 10 years with shemale fetish escalation and ED, anxiety and big depression.
    However when I started nofap after the second or third week I had a great libido peak and I would perform great with my girl. I wanted her all the time and whenever she would just look at me or kiss me I would be rock hard. Of course there would be ED problems, but rarely, let's say 1 time out of 10. However, over the last month i noticed a loss of my libido. I still perform with my girl every 2-3 days, but it's like I don't feel that drive and i'm not so sensitive, I don't get hard anymore just from kisses. I see that my girl feels bad about it and thinks i don't find her attractive anymore, which in general is not true because I still think she is super hot. It's just however I don't have that same drive. After the first couple of weeks when my libido returned i thought that I'm healed and everything is fine, but now i don't feel good that way. Any advices ?

    Could it be part of the rebooting process of nofap, or is it really that due to my long relationship with my girl i started loosing novelty and attraction to her??
    Any advices??
  2. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

    In my opinion, this is mistake #1. Your girlfriend should not be the biggest reason you started NoFap. Your biggest reason for doing NoFap should be your own well-being. You don't owe it to her to stay clean nearly as much as you owe it to yourself.

    Congratulations on your 218 days. I mean that sincerely, but I also want to issue a word of warning: you're still just beginning here. I've also been addicted for roughly ten years, and I've been clean for about 270 days now. Those 270 days, while still a great accomplishment, don't even account for 10% of the days that I spent using porn. Let that sink in for a moment. My sobriety is still a new concept in my life. I'm still learning the ropes, and I imagine I still will be for a while.

    Relax, man.

    Libido rises and falls over time. That's life. There are so many different things that affect your libido. Everything from things that are more within your control such as diet, exercise, or sleep to things that are out of your control like depression, hormones, or illness. Remember what I said above, you're still just beginning in many ways. You made it through a 90-day reboot, and that's awesome, but try to remember that the first 90 days is just getting your foot through the door. Healing takes time, and you've only just given yourself the gift of sobriety after keeping it away from yourself for about a decade.

    Try to appreciate the times where your libido isn't that high. It'll come back around eventually. Like I said, that's life. Life is full of ups and downs. You have to learn to appreciate the downs just as much as you appreciate the ups, otherwise neither of them will really have any substance to them. Try to find other ways to show your girlfriend that you appreciate her, and remember that communication is key. Don't hide your feelings from her, and if she's feeling self-conscious because your libido isn't high, try to offer her some other sort of reassurance or security. I doubt that the only reason you're dating her is because you think she's hot, so place an emphasis on all those other things you like about her until your libido comes back.

    I wouldn't say your low libido is a part of the rebooting process, I'd just say it's a part of your life process. It's going to come back, but it might just take some time. Try not to place such a heavy emphasis on sex in your relationship. There's so much more to your relationship than that.

    As for whether or not you're losing attraction to your girlfriend... I hate to say it, but only you can answer that question. What I can say is this: just because you don't get an erection when you kiss her doesn't mean you're not attracted to her anymore. Don't overthink it. If you think she's beautiful, then you really believe that about her regardless of what your penis does.

    Above all else, just try to relax, and remember that there's so much more to your relationship (and your life) than sex.
    pranav02 and Rockemsockemrobots like this.
  3. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

    Its actually just likely regular sex isnt as exciting to u and ur body anymore because its regular sex. Stop having sex for a two weeks and ur body will start reacting how it did before. And then reduce the frequency of sex to about once a week. Also there could be multiple factors. Make sure ur hormones are in check , u could take adaptogens like Maca or find natural herbs that help increase ur libido. Something as simple as ginger or garlic or ginseng can be really helpful if u use it a lil while before sexy time. The other thing is I always tell people stress is a huge erection killer. If ur stressed about life or possibly not having an erection. Or she is stressed about it and shes making u feel stressed then ur dick dont work well regardless of how hot u find her.

    I remember ED with my gf was one of the first reasons I did nofap. And i thought oh its porn or something. Nofap helped a lot for some months but then it came back and I realized it was her. the situation was stressing me out and the stress was coming out ... or not coming out in my dick lol. So try to stay relaxed. Keep ur body healthy in general as well try a diet with low carb, mainly meat in it if possible. U could see a change in libido. Libido is something affected by many areas. As said before first look at how often u do it and then look at how u feel before/during and then u pay attention to what u ingest that can help u short term and long term. Also if ur not fit , work out more.

    But overall just try a short break. Even avoid women on instagram etc.

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