Having concerns about a recent friend

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on Nofap. Lately, I’ve been having some concerns about a recent female friend. Basically, we met 3 years ago at work, and just like that, we instantly connected. I consider her to be a really nice person. She’s super going, caring, and an intelligent woman. At the time, I’ve never had a female friend like her before, and soon enough we were hanging out from time to time. She does have a husband with 2 kids and an older son who lives on his own.

But right now the biggest issue is that she would always complain about her marriage, wishing it was over, and that she sometimes regretted having kids. On the other hand, I’m only there to help and support her as a friend, but sometimes it seems she wants more than that and it’s starting to concern me. I’ve never had this much attention from a woman before, but at the same time, it’s becoming a little excessive.

Also, things have been getting a little odd. Every so often and at least once a week, she would get a hold of me somehow. And it’s mostly through texting. Sometimes she would send me pictures using Whatsapp; some include her favorite numbers in numerology, and other times just pictures of herself chilling out somewhere. I don’t want to lose my friendship with her, but if she ends up becoming desperate for my attention just to get away from her husband, then I may have to do something drastic and I don’t want that.

I have to be honest though, sometimes I would even get urges, and once in a while I would also have sexual fantasies about her. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it. Fortunately, the urges have subsided. And I’ve also learned from my past mistakes with other female friends and the consequences of having these kinds of tendencies. I need some advice on this issue. I don’t have a lot of female friends, and when I did, I took them for granted. I don’t want to make the same mistake again, so how can I keep my friendship with her without ruining it?

 

I don’t think it’s about needing luck; I just have to believe that this friendship will work out. And if I fail, so be it. In addition, when was the time you’ve ever been rejected, denied, hurt, and so on? Furthermore, how many times have you done the same thing to others, especially women? Have you been selfish? And also have you ever been ashamed of yourself for having these selfish acts causing you to lose the people you cared about most?

Well I have, and even though this situation is similar to another one I had years ago, I won’t let the same outcome happen again. I’m just here to help a friend, and if she needs attention, I’ll give her at least a little bit of it. At the same time, I have my own life and other friends (which include other women) that I also have to take care of. Sometimes I can’t help myself, but there is a need for me to make up the mistakes I’ve made in the past. If I could convince her that I’m not another selfish asshole, then maybe I can help her deal with her marriage and keep some of her sanity.

 

Starting with numerology, I really don’t think it’s that demonic. Her favorite number is 303 by the way, which is an angelic number indicating peace and serenity, and this is something that she desperately needs in her life right now. Don’t believe me? Look it up. 666 is a demonic number from what I know. Having said all that, I told everyone that she “sometimes” regrets having kids.

Even though she seems upset, she told me several times that she does in fact love her kids and that in the future, she wants them to grow up and take care of themselves before she deals with her husband. Yes, she’s not the greatest mom in the world, but she’s not the worst either.

As of now, I know what I’m dealing with. And she’s not the only female friend I have right now, so she already knows the boundaries that must be followed between us. If you had a friend who is in a situation like this, you might get where I’m coming from. And if you’re also the type of person who regrets hurting women in the past, and wants to make a change by helping another, then you’ll understand my side of the story.

 

You’re right; I don’t want a part of that. I respect her enough to know better. Like I told another fapstronaut, I have my own busy life and I’ve also had a similar experience many years ago. I’m not the same person like I was before and I’ve hurt enough women to not make the same mistake. I feel like everyone on this thread is getting it all wrong. She’s not the greatest person in the world, but she’s not the most horrible either.

She just wants to escape from her hectic life which involves her marriage. Why do you think she travels all the time? It’s her only peace and serenity and I don’t blame her for saying all those negative things about her husband. I don’t know if you’ve ever been involved in a situation like this, but if you were in my shoes, you might know where I’m coming from.

 

Even though the responses I’ve received were not what I expected, I would say that your advice is the most meaningful and most honest. I completely understand what you’re saying, and I’ve heard this advice before. I once had the same situation at least 10 years ago, and I’ve fallen into the same trap. However, that was years ago, and I’m a different person now.


Believe it or not, I’m actually doing everything you’ve mentioned. I’ve moved out in the last 3 months and my life has gotten much busier. I’m taking care of myself, doing my own laundry, paying my own bills, and all the other responsibilities of being independent. I have a full time job and I’m going back to school. I’ve even picked up a hobby of cooking which I fairly enjoy and have gotten more involved with gardening.


And to top it all off I’m currently living with another female friend whom I’ve known for years. Right now she’s just a friend, which is the same thing you’re going through. But I prefer it to be that way only because of the negative experiences I’ve had with women in the past. So just like you, I have other females to talk to, and yes, she is single just like me.


Having said that, my friend with the martial issues already knows what’s going on between us and the boundaries that we must share. I respect her enough to not cross the lines and that was something I was too blind to see in the past. If I could convince her that I’m not like the other guys, and that I do care about her and not act like some selfish asshole, then I can somehow make a change in her life without inferring with her marriage. If I do fail then so be it, at least I’ve tried. I’ve hurt so many women in the past, and I’m trying not to make the same mistake. Other than that, thanks for your advice.