Having doubts about nofap

HereAndThere · Jul 3, 2017

YngwieWanksteen said: ↑

When I joined a 12 step group, like a lot of people, I looked for loopholes. I found some, but what I realized is, I don't need to find any. If I want to use my DOC, I can use my DOC. I can make any loop hole I want.
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Hmm, it kinda becomes a choice then, good or bad but still a choice. And a choice is something we have control over. Thats interesting, great re-framing tactic.

YngwieWanksteen said: ↑

Mind you a place like a 12 step group or NoFap is not here to advocate, "hey man, it's totally cool and fine if you go off back to that". We have to advocate against it, throw support against fighting it. That is the point of this place.
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I get it. The legitimacy of the group is stronger than the belief of its members. But i wasnt doubting in community. Really, we need it, we need to know that there is more of us. I was more doubting my determination.

HereAndThere · Jul 3, 2017

SuperFan said: ↑

Tell me if this sounds familiar: there would be times when I'd feel a really healthy sense of conviction--like, I knew porn and casual sex were ruining my life and that I needed to quit. So in a rare moment of clarity, I got rid of everything. I deleted pics, I erased numbers from my phone, I closed profiles on various porn and hookup sites ... but I almost always kept one secret email address open. It was like I just couldn't let go. I wanted one little outlet ... just in case.
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Lol, yeah. I deleted a hard drive full of porn, then three months later i was using recovery software to get the stuff back. I had more of these resets. It grew back every time. Some online profiles i couldnt delete, their online policy was that they are only deleted after a year idle. Well, i still use them today lol.

SuperFan said: ↑

The sad part is that you may not have experienced enough pain yet. It sucks to say that, but there's a lot of truth to it. People don't usually get serious about addiction recovery until they've experienced significant loss or painful circumstances. I go to meetings where several of the guys have been arrested for their addictive sexual behavior. Some have done time in prison. Some have lost 2 or 3 marriages. Some had to lose their careers before they sought help.
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I think youre right. Its one of these weird situations where higher tolerance to pain actually makes you more vulnerable. I dont know how to deal with that.

YngwieWanksteen · Jul 3, 2017

HereAndThere said: ↑

Hmm, it kinda becomes a choice then, good or bad but still a choice. And a choice is something we have control over. Thats interesting, great re-framing tactic.

I get it. The legitimacy of the group is stronger than the belief of its members. But i wasnt doubting in community. Really, we need it, we need to know that there is more of us. I was more doubting my determination.
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I didn't come up with any of this advice, I just heard it from people. Something you may like is "recovery is not for those who need it, it's for those who want it". You can still be torn and want it.

I try to gain influence and help mostly by attraction, not promotion. That is to say, I explain how I see things, how I feel, how I can live with what may seem to others to be incompatible with how they see recovery would or could be.

Better to be brutally honest than part of the inquisition who extol the virtue of cast in stone rules who only come back relapsed to say "well, actually I still thought this or that". The emperor has no clothes.

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Having doubts about nofap

HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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YngwieWanksteen Fapstronaut

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