Having gay thoughts/fantasies (trigger warning)

I’ve experienced this too. The more I watched porn the I started to have this same fantasy. I want it to stop too. I start to notice that I can have the ability to notice women by about day 5 but by day 10. It’s the full on want to be fucked by a huge cock thing again. Then I relapse.

 

How much time are you spending around guys, either friends or at work? How much time are you spending around real people, full stop?

 

I work mostly night duties so I’m often by myself. Then I come home to my wife and I just feel guilty because of what I’m struggling with. She’s a great woman and I love her very much. So I really need to kick this addiction for the pair of us.

I only ever last till 10 days before relapse. By the first 5 days I’m noticing women again but on the the tenth day. These cravings come back really REALLY strong. and I’m back to square one.

 

then from what you said then you are not gay don't decide if you are gay or not by porn but by real life
if you are gay you would be attracted to guys in real and as a need not just a fantasy in addition to that you said you were never attracted to guys so it is just a confusion which is common in teenage or hocd
and also even if you are gay you can go to conversion therapy
i am suffering from gay tendencies all my life and i went to psychologists and plans for going to conversion therapy

 

I've struggled with this all of COVID. While I keep relapsing I've made great strides.

Stay away from porn and you will go to who you were.

Don't listen to any member of this forum who tries to tell you what your sexuality is. Only you can decide that.

 

That's my point. You're not attracted to actual men, only to an idea that doesn't exist.

I don't know why, but I grew up in the state a lot of guys describe being in after watching porn then going through HOCD. Well-meaning ignorants try to tell me this means I'm just gay, but that's bullshit. I tried to commit to a gay lifestyle out of a sense of integrity, but it basically meant throwing away 15 years of my life. In my experience, gay men are either broken men, or else sexually exploitative men who will fuck anything for their own gratification. There's no real love involved, because it's not a real identity.

Trying to form the male identity I never had has been a long, painful process, and it's involved forming relationships with real people, and men in particular. The more I do this, the more I see the 'gay' identity as a kind of screen-related, autistic kind of thing. When I'm around people, it fades into the background, although I always felt the need to explain it and carried it around as my 'true' identity. Now I see it as a false holding-pattern that only exists while I'm isolated from real human interaction.

I don't know if I'll ever recover to the point where I find women attractive and have a relationship, but all I can do is keep trying. I do know that cutting porn out of my life and cutting down on masturbation, along with eating better, sleeping better, and socialising more has made me more competitive and more robust in general. Maybe it's the opposite process to HOCD - maybe at some point something will click and I'll discover a latent heterosexuality I didn't know was there. On the other hand, maybe it doesn't work like that, and I'll always have this homosexually inclined holding pattern. I do feel that getting busy and filling my life up with things that demand my attention is the way to go, whereas when I was younger I felt the need to isolate myself from everyone and everything until I found my 'true' identity.

So, yeah. Giving yourself all this time to think and trying to get to the bottom of the issue is acutally just driving you deeper into your own head, and away from healthy human interaction. As such, it'll just strengthen your 'gay' identity.

So, again, do everything you can to limit your time alone, and start connecting with as many real-life men as you can, because, as you now know, you're not actually attracted to them - you're only attracted to the idea of the release your brain thinks would come with being used by a man. It's a dereliction of responsibility towards yourself, your body, your life, society, and God. It's like a drug, and as with all drugs, it's not worth the price. You'll just end up with a knackered arsehole, probably a serious venereal disease like HIV that you'll have to manage for the rest of your shortened lifespan, no real love in your life and no real goals or achievements, and all for a sensation that will never even equal taking a decent shit.

It feels noble to try to commit to what you feel might be the truth, but take it from someone who's been there - you're being manipulated by cynical, dark voices in the media, and it will lead you nowhere good.

 

It’s obvious that you’re not gay cause there is a big difference between real gay man life and what you describe as your “gay” fantasies!
I think answer to your problem might be in this sentence you wrote:

I'll emphasize the following words: submissive, used by a man.
And what better way to fell humiliated, disgraced, used, but to "be fucked deep in (your) butt"?

First, you can think of why would you like to feel submissive and used at all? Why that arouses you so much?
Why by a man? I mean, you can be fucked in your butt by a woman. You probably saw in porn movies those dominant chicks with strapons. They do the same thing to submissive guys, but yet it seems that you prefer to be "used" by men.
Why fucked in butt? Can we say then, that you interpret penetration of other men in your anus as a form of punishment, exploitation? I’m not sure if gay men perceive anal sex as a form of punishment? (or am I wrong?)
Also, it seems that you perceive the penis as a form of “punishment tool”?
You’ve tried toothbrush, and did you like it? Based on that experience what do you think – would you be able to handle real cock and how it would feel?
The guy in the post below doesn’t need just any cock up in his ass, but also needs this “tool” to be large? Why – to hurt more, or what?

If you find a reason for all these above you might be on a way to finding a solution to your problem.

 

If the OP's hypofrontal, none of this will help. If he was able to think straight about his situation, he wouldn't be in it. His subconsicous has been fucked with - he needs clear, actionable steps out, not a list of questions he could devise himself, with no hint as to the answer.

I realise we're all here sharing our opinion, trying to help, though. What's your experience with SSA, if I may ask?

 

How did you manage to diagnose hypofrontality? Are you a psychiatrist? Do you know him personally; did you talk to him live?

He needs to be honest with himself and realize where is the root of the problem. He’s not gay, and the root is in his need to be subdued and punished by men. That suggests some mild sexual deviation that is usually caused by some problems in his emotional and social development (some childhood trauma, frustration, etc.)
Also, if he could ask these questions to himself do you think he would still be on this forum searching for help?
Not sure about which steps are you talking about...steps out of what? If you try to superficially solve the problem, you can only achieve temporary relief, but not a permanent solution. The problem will persist and when it returns it will return big-time.

And of course you can ask me about my problem with SSA, cause I'm writing this from my personal experience. I know the way out of this shit because I was at the same place not so long ago. The only difference is that I’ve realized all fantasies in real life and he doesn’t need to do that if he starts working on himself, maybe even ask for professional help (not from the amateur psychologist on NoFap, but from a real doctor).
(And sharing personal opinions and making a serious medical diagnosis claims is something completely different.)

 

this could trigger or maybe come across as funny, but it's not intended as either...

how old are you? my therapist said it could be due to regression when ur mind reduces to that of a child that seeks affection/protection from adults. i used to seek that. by being the weakling, i would seek security/affection from others. like some kitten who snuggles to a lion.

the guy whom u want to fuck u, will also be ur savior from the world.

how was the relation between u and ur father... i'm just asking the questions my therapist asked me... i was so used to parenting my one parent, i didnt get any affection/attention n my mind was always in overdrive. n then boom... i started seeking affection like some kitten. this happened in my early 20s.


dont watch gay porn to check if ur attracted to men-- it can (90% will) escalate to sex with other men which will cause regret
dont do manly stuff like play football or hang out with men

if possible start therapy or read self-help books

 

I didn't diagnose anything, nor attempt to diagnose anything. I made an educated guess, which may or may not be the case, judging by his post, based on my personal experience and judgement. That would be a similar basis for judgement as you use, and the assumption that he's not hypofrontal is an equal assumption, but run the risk of the high-handed, falsely generous assumption that someone's working with the same tool set as oneself. In this case, yourself.

It's also a common pattern for would-be self-help gurus to run a certain gamut of the experience, assimilate that experience, and formulate it ex post facto into a system that they then assume will work for other people, even though it didn't even work for them themselves, because an analogy would have been for them to take the advice of another guru and cut out all the experience which, while evidently necessary, they subsequently dismiss as irrelevant, and pretend, with a certain degree of pomposity, that it was their own particular force of intellect that solved the problem a priori, all evidence to the contrary.

If he follows your example, he'll have to go through the degradation of 'fantasy fulfilment' that you mark out with a smug emoji, as if it's a cool little detour you took in life, and he may not have the same degree of self-justificatory genius that, it would appear, you yourself possess.

As for the accusation of amateur psychiatry [sic]: tu quoque.

 

Ha - I totally forgot - I do have a nationally recognized hypnotherapy qualification in my back pocket. Whatcha got, Mr. Smugpants?

 

Damn, man this was hard to read. So many pompous terms I need a dictionary, not English only, but Latin too ...
I don't intend to continue this conversation cause I see where is this going. I don't know anything about you nor the position from which you speak, but I'll tell you a little bit about me. I have training in children's psychology and license to work with schoolchildren (age 7-14). And I worked for 2 years in one primary school. I also have 2 years of training in classical Freudian psychotherapy, but never worked as a psychotherapist. (And with all that knowledge I couldn't help myself, but I needed the help of a colleague.)
Anyway, you are moving this to a personal level and I don't think we should clutter this 17-yo boy's post anymore (cause I don’t believe this was his intention when he called for help). If you still have an urge to discuss with me feel free and send me direct msg.

 

Yeah - sorry to the OP for the bullshit mudslinging.

 

Tell me you've stopped watching porn, at least?