When I was a teenager and I started using porn things escalated pretty quickly, I started using very frequently, and quickly things started getting out of control... I think we can all relate to this in NoFap. There was a point, I don't remember exacltly when, I started paying more attention to the men in the videos. I would pay attention to the muscles, and everything that represented masculinity in my head. I started becoming attracted to the stereotypical masculine men from porn videos. Self confident, good physique, good cock etc etc. I quickly realized about this new attraction, It was something I had felt before but porn was evidently influencing me into watching men, Eventually I started watching gay porn and got deeper into it, women were no longer in my attraction catalog. I started feeling anxious about this attraction, What was exactly wrong with me? I would open porn pages and check myself, am I still atracted to straight sex? can I still masturbate to it? Even though I tried my best, I couldn't , Straight sex was already behind me and this "stereotypical" male porn star represented my deepest desires. Worried, I looked on the internet for "gay thoughts after watching porn". and found this nieche of people, that were having the exact same attraction as me. I had something called HOCD. Not only that..my viewing patterns had "escalated" towards gay porn. "Homosexual Obsesive Compulsive Disorder" Sounded beautiful. When I was youger I had had OCD, I remember being something related to fear of disease, and I would wash my hands and check If I was ill constantly. "This is the same thing but with porn" I thought. So from that poing onwards, I realized these "gay Thoughts" were a product of that, The solution? Quitting porn. So I rationalized: "HOCD is linked to porn, If I quit porn then the gay thoughts will dissapear" I made a very big effort and this was more difficult than I thought, being a teenager and with lots of free time, internet and time alone, stopping porn was a very difficult task. I eventually called myself bisexual, the gay thoughts and attraction was very real, "the HOCD is getting out of control but I can't deny there is still attraction towards men." Flash forward some years, where I made a huge effort to improve myself, both physically and mentally I started getting control over myself and over my porn addiction, I wanted a girlfriend desperately, someone to love and spend time with, my parents were wondering when I was going to get one, all my friends were getting their own girl but sexuality for me was a struggle. Porn had clearly damaged me, I found evidence of this in NoFap and in thousands of people going through a very similar situation. But nevertheless I made a huge effort, I had sex with a girl for the first time at age 21, and after overcoming porn for 170 something days I met a girl with who I fell in love with. The relationship lasted 8 months and we had an amazing time, Sex was great after getting over my insecurities and struggles with getting an erection etc. My attraction towards men was tamed, HOCD was a thing of the past. If I ever felt attraction towards some guy, I understood that that was not a part of me, just a fantasy produced by extreme porn use. We broke up, we were not connecting enough. There was a night, where I met a guy that I connected with a lot, time slowed down a little, we talked about our lives and about what each of us were going through, He told me he was gay and asked me about my experience with men, I said none, but admitted I had thought a lot about it. When I was leaving his house, he kissed me and I felt a rush through all my body, it was beautiful, exciting, refreshing. Felt completely natural. In a matter of seconds my whole teenage and early 20's rushed in front of my mind. HOCD, damage in my head due to porn use, bad rewiring in my brain..... It was all.. an excuse. A justification and a rationalization about my real thoughts and desires. I definitely didn't wanted to be gay so I built this complicated story that explained everything. I remembered about the comments in nofap from people that said, "well If you have gay thoughts maybe you're gay" I remember avoiding them, looking over and searching for the evidence that justified my story. I had completely tricked myself in a spectacular way, all my intelect building this structure in order to be ok with my mind and my thoughts. I thought to other times of my life, even pre-porn years where I had felt attraction towards men, and I had simply ignored those situations. I think HOCD is real, it is a real condition where some people, start having some gay thoghts and in this surge of anxiety and fear they check If their attraction towards women is still there, and go to porn in order to check that. But gay thoughts, and specially the fear of being gay is something very similar to that and can be easily confused. I understand that I wasn't ready at that time but I wish I had been more true to myself. More sincere with my thoughts and feelings. Nowadays I call myself gay, I told some of my friends already, even some members of my family. I can't explain how beautiful it feels to be ok with my thoughts and in line with my desires. My thoughts about men now run fluently in my head, no rationalization, no avoidance. Just like some men think about women in their free time, I think about men, and I love doing it. After some initial fear, telling my friends was one of the most beautiful situations. I felt loved and supported by all of them. I love how simple now things are, attraction towards person A means attraction towards person A. Seems stupid but my life much simpler now that I acknowledge that. Porn is no longer an issue for me. Before it was a way to experiment my true sexuality, now I just do that in the real world, with great guys my age of older that are a pleasure to hang out with, have sex, relax and enjoy. I admit that I still sometimes use it. But its not a thing I do compulsively. If you read this far, and if you're having gay thoughts...think about my story, be sincere with yourself and ask if you're having a true connection with your desires. Relax, take your time, let things settle. Listen closely to what your brain is telling yourself, how true is it? Allow yourself to experiment, do it when you're ready, don't rush things, listen to your body, pay attention to what its telling you. Don't label your thoughts intensively, meditate and work on yourself both physically and mentally. This is just some advice I would have given to my younger self, mybe you can use it. Feel free to ask me anything. I'm 25 now, Gay and proud lol, I had my first experience with a guy like 8 months ago, and I can't belive the world I was missing. I wish you all you can all be true to yourselves and have a great day.