Having HOCD? Read This...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by thel00ker, May 27, 2019.

  1. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    this is known(i think) as 'exposure' or 'acceptance' therapy - but i think the 'method' is to expose yourself to gay people or a gay bar or a gay event... it may seem like a unnecessary distinction but accepting that you are gay is changing your self identity - and for example gay/coming out advice might say something like 'well if you don't like gay sex the first time try it with someone else' whereas exposure therapy you're not accepting a universal you're just getting less anxious about the idea ...

    the other way is to accept the feelings or urges (this is not OCD but more SSA and/or p/m related) describe the body sensation (when i get this urge i feel a tingling in my spine ) accept that you have the feeling - don't get anxious or guilty or worries... and let them pass..
     
    Supination likes this.
  2. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

    34
    27
    18
    I feel like the main character of the horror movie, "The Fly" with Jeff Goldblum which the scientist transforms into a monster through his experiment (but the mutation continues gradually). First I was delighted with the changes (I felt masculine, I admired women who were beautiful and I could see everything), then I began to notice some strange things (I start watching various combinations of people (diffrent races but this was interesting) , but then started to watch the sex of old people with young or ordinary people and midgets) but when I understood what is happening (Escalation to the things that I did not want - trans , gay) i find that I was diffrent than at the beginning ( Now for me for exampe it would be important that sex should be performered by people which do not completly match for each other ) But unlike him (main character of this movie) , I probably have a chance to return to who I was once. I hope that others will help me with they own testimony of reboot, just as I will help others one day, once after healing process woud be completed (Hopefully). Cheers. :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
    Supination and Fuséé like this.
  3. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

    204
    468
    63
    You're right, That's basiclly a CBT treatment for HOCD and anxieties.
    There's no need to accept that you're gay and straight as well. You should just stop with labeling, otherwise you'll always try to prove yourself as straight with keep checking girls all the time. that's bad, it'll make your HOCD even worse.
    Best thing to do is to accept that you have that HOCD and working on how to live with it.
    as you said, exposure might be wierd and scary for most of the people who suffers from HOCD but it's good because you're dealing with your fear and you find out that being gay is not as bad as we thought and it's becoming normal to us hence were getting less anxious about the idea.
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  4. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    Ok, you need to stop watching porn first and foremost.
    Second. You hare not a 'zoophile' or 'gay' or a child molester or anything else - you are someone who started watching something highly addictive, mind-corrupting that constantly needs escalation. Arousal, unfortunately can get tied into taboo breaking, disgust, anxiety..
    you need to look at these urges as a path to healing...

    You have a tremendous amount of energy- right now that energy is put into this - imagine turning it and focusing it like a laser beam on what you want out of life....

    No one... I hope! would argue that someone is 'born' a zoophile or child molester ... and nor are people 'born 'gay' especially if these worries are coming now...

    (pS I don't mean to compare consensual homosexuality to these practices, I am only refuting the 'born that way' claim)
     
    Fuséé likes this.
  5. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    Yes. Excellent point.
    Stop testing..
    look into 'urge surfing'
    Read the book "Brain Lock" about OCD- even someone without clinical OCD but with high anxiety can benefit from this.
    when the 'checking urge comes just (or the I might be gay) don't try to test or refute just say 'oh there's my ocd again'...
     
    Supination likes this.
  6. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

    34
    27
    18
    Compulsive checking in my opinion is the best proof that you have OCD. A man without this disease does not have to do it because he just knows or thinks he knows what the situation is. Now I've started rebooting, I'm going to doctor in Thursday, who will prescribe drugs for better testosterone, well-being and calmness. In the middle of June he wants to go to the gym and return to the psycho-physical form. I hope that in July when important events will take place for me, it will be better, although the treatment will last a few months as it goes well. It's a pity I did not quit before. Fortunately, I understand more and more that the thought that I have in my head and in a moment turns out to be untrue is just a trick and the effect of this abomination that destroys people's lives. I started rebooting on Friday but yesterday I did not make it (And i lost my battle , watching many degenerated things that I would not think about until recently). Now I try reboot myself again. The hardest part will be the first days without this harmful addiction, but this must end.
     
    Supination and ivanhoe like this.
  7. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

    204
    468
    63
    Good luck bro, patience is a key.
    Dont forget to update us!
     
  8. This is by far the stupidest thing i have ever read on this forum. or maybe on the whole internet in my entire life. I believe i rather believe that reptilians rule the world and eat children alive to believe that ''HCOD'' is a homophobic agenda. I mean, what the fuck. Being a gay guy, do you even know what homophobia to the letter mean? A person that feels hatred or is afraid of gay people, most people that you encounter on this forum and in your life don't feel any hate whatsoever for you, because people don't care about what you do like between four walls. Why so many people of the LGBT have to be like this? Playing victims all the time, everything is a threat to you, the world is against you. Dude, why cant you people just accept that the world is changing and yet some people are not familiar with this stuff and people need their time, why be like that? Instead of helping, you are spreading hate that's what you are doing. Now don't get me wrong dude, i don't have anything against gay people, i respect everyone equally, i don't have anything against you, i don't know you i don't know what you have been through in your life but i can assure you HCOD is real and @thel00ker made an excellent post. Really good thread. And i say all this because of this: I had the same issues he had, even worst, i had sex with many shemales, i had sex with dudes, trying everything in sex, for years this has been going, i did what he said, i payed attention to my body, i meditated on the matter, i tried countless of times to try to accept me and to try it over and over again. But guess what? I never liked men before, i always felt in love with girls since school, it was after porn that i fantasized about being a woman, it was because of shemale porn that made me want to be one, and made me get in contact with guys just to use them and they use me to try to imitate what we see on pornography. I never felt like being in love and having a normal happy life with another man. Most of the time after sex with dudes i felt disgusted, not because of homophobia orbecause i don't accept who i really am, but because IT IS JUST NOT FOR ME, i was just trying to do what i saw on porn, my brain didn't want straight porn anymore it wanted hardcore stuff. I never wanted to love a man, in fact, i never kissed a guy my age because damn i just don't feel attracted to. WHAT WORKS FOR SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT WORK FOR YOU. everyone has a different path on this planet, its awesome that @thel00ker found his way and is happy. But for me, i tried to pay attention to my body, i didn't like it, it hurted lol, i never cared for the people or wanted something serious, i always felt in love for girls, i tried, i really did and it didn't work simply because its just not for me. After reading about nofap and HCOD i tried nofap, my longest streak was 30 days, and guess what? My erections came back for real woman, i couldn't even think about kissing a man, i was HAPPY. i was enjoying life, i was free from my addiction, my brain was getting back to normal. BECAUSE HOCD IS REAL! I wish everyone a happy life the way they want, no matter what kind of people they are attracted to, as long as they truly love and know that it is the right thing for them. Stop spreading hate, stop conspiring against everything, understand that each has their own path.
     
  9. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I agree with what you wrote completely but it was probably a waste of time, the guy posted those stupid posts and then vanished as soon as people called him on it. Yet we are the "offended" ones lmfao.
     
    Deleted Account and Supination like this.
  10. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

    204
    468
    63
    It might be a waste of time to the guy who vanished BUT i bet people who sufferes from HOCD will find it helpful and motivational and that's more important.
    @Invincible Under The Sun Couldn't describe it better. Well done mate! I really enjoyed reading. THANK YOU.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Thanks mate. :)
     
    Pexton and Supination like this.
  12. PeacockS

    PeacockS Fapstronaut

    You people are so irrational..!!! You guys are getting on me like anything......but this is my belief and it's true to me.and im stick to it...cause its true......my English is very poor...so Im not able to express my feelings to each and every reply........I got hurt cause even gay guys..for whom I strongly write my opinion...they tried to defend others and also get on me.....shame on you guys....being gay....I thought every gay parson are sensitive to each other.....but shame on you guys......and others...I don't have that mush respect for you after the above post.
     
  13. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    No-one here is "getting on at you", we are simply expressing our opinions the same way you did. Trying to play victim after you said some very inflammatory and inaccurate things about HOCD sufferers and then went on to call us all "offended" because we disagreed with you is a convenient position to take. Not to mention most of these posts arent about you at all. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, if you cant handle people disagreeing with your hot takes, dont post them in a public forum!
     
  14. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

    34
    27
    18
    ,,but this is my belief and it's true to me.and im stick to it...cause its true" - You are God or who, that you know everything best? Do you know more than specialist doctors, psychologists or people suffering from all kinds of OCD?

    ,,I thought every gay parson are sensitive to each other" - ??????? So we're all gays here? No comment.....

    ,,shame on you guys....being gay..." - The fact that you are gay does not mean that you can automatically write untruths and mix people in their heads. We wrote that it is not true and you are making a victim of yourself. I do not fall on my knees before homosexuals, but I am able to accept otherness if it does not harm others. Rest of the people on the forum just wrote that you are writing out the scientifically erroneous things and that's all.

    If you do not speak English enough , then maybe there is no good information about the mechanism of OCD in your language ...... I dont know. :eek:
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
    Supination and Deleted Account like this.
  15. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    482
    1,212
    123
    Hi guys,
    First of all thanks for the responses! I think it's very important that these subjects get talked about even though they're a little controversial.

    I wanted to say that I wrote this post for the people that don't have hocd, but think they do. For the people that like me when I was younger, are finding evidence in their own behaviours that prove they're straight so they can be in tune with society and eventually follow the path set by the family that surrounds us. I'm not trying to disprove HOCD at all i'm just saying don't assume you have it because yo fit into some of its symptoms.

    I have talked with a lot of gay people now, and some of them know from day 1 that they're gay, but for most of them its not that obvious. Discovering their own sexuality is sometimes a struggle against society's norm. Most of the time, these norms are written deep inside our heads and they work actively to maintain a structure both inside and outside that allow us to belong to an accepted group.

    I'm sorry if this post generated some anxiety on the people with HOCD, but i'm sure this post can also generate anxiety in closeted guys that are denying the truth about themselves. Whether you have HOCD you're bisexual or simply gay, just relax, take things slowly. There is a lot of time to figure things out. Take your time to explore yourself and others but most importantly don't close any doors shut just because you find whats on the other side uncomfortable.

    Sexuality is really tricky and porn turns it into a very confusing mess. Along with porn addiction come lots of symptoms, disorders, and situations that are truly scary and disorienting. It's not easy to identify them, and it took me many years of therapy to unravel myself and finally let porn go. Getting rid of porn is everyone's main goal in this site and rightly so.


    Here, I disagree. In my case, I had a girlfriend in my teenage years and really felt I loved her, when it came to sexual stuff I felt I had lost contact with my sexuality due to too much porn , to which I was truly addicted. So what was going on? was it the porn or i'm just not interested?

    I felt romantic relationship with girls were possible, I could picture myself with a girl for the rest of my life, On the other hand sexuality with men seemed more exciting than with women, but I could not spend my life with a guy I just didn't like the idea at all, was not interested.

    The clarity that you're assuming gay people have about their sexuality it's simply not the case, just as people with HOCD doubt about their sexuality gay people are confused about it in very similar ways. At the beginning I didn't want to be gay in the slightest, I really felt I could not do anything with a guy. took me a long time to chill out and allow myself to think about sexuality in a more fluid way where one can experiment and try out things, get closer to aspects of sexuality that are not the norm but surely are beautiful and worth exploring.

    Hey man, I'm glad you were able to express yourself, I also recommend a separate thread, you'll get personalized answers to your situation to which I would recommend a big reboot. Leaving porn behind will surely make you get in contact with your true sexuality, whatever it is. Porn distorts what you're attracted to immensely and once you are able to cut its power your mind will start expressing its true desires. You'll start searching connections in the real world, with real people. At first there will be some difficulties connecting with it, but this is where you have to work the most in order to have healthy relationships that will satisfy you way more than porn ever did.
    If you are thinking about rebooting, let me know! I wrote some posts that can help you through it, sexual orientation doesn't matter when you're rebooting haha.

    I think this is great man, In my case I told myself I was probably bisexual, that allowed me to have any thought without chasing myself or questioning myself at all.

    Wish you the best for that reboot man, let me know if you need ay help at all! we all have been through a reboot to one extent or the other.

    Yes you can! stopping porn will surely make your true desires come forward. Start connecting with the real world and you'll see an improvement.

    I think this is great man, we must all find out what our body is inclined for naturally, I'm glad you could let go of porn and listen to what your body was actually telling you. I'm glad you could find your way in this twisted world and make a place for yourself here. Thanks for commenting!

    Hey @PeacockS I think we all have the right to agree or disagree with you no matter if we're straight, gay, trans, bisexual etc etc. I think HOCD is real, but can also be an excuse as it was for me. I wanted to shed light on that. If I were you I would write about the things you have arguments to support your claims with. People are not trying to "get you" they're simply after the things you said. I'm not a english native speaker either and it sometimes get difficult to express myself but If my arguments are strong and my ideas are clear language is not a problem. Wish you the best man!

    --------------

    Thanks to everyone that is answering to this thread! I'm trying to answer to everyone but I don't have such time.
    Wish you all the best! lets keep finding who we really are without porn.
     
  16. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

    34
    27
    18
    I think if and all these years before porn and when using pornography I have not seen anything attractive in men. I had HOCD caused by silly jokes of peers in school and I feel sick because of that , my social fobia stars and also first step of HOCD (but I knew who I was for all this time of course). I went into the world of porn for many years and after more than 10 years I started to escalate to things I did not want. I remember how I rested from porn for a week - I felt better and started to come back to happiness. But I lost and a few months later escalation began and now horror starts. I understand that this is a classic phobia but I would like to get rid of it. I have nightmares, I can not eat and drink, I have thoughts of death. When I see a guy, it does not feel truly excitement and anxiety. Before the escalation, I had good contacts with guys - like beer buddies, other male people who i know little and everything was great. In recent days I have unwanted ideas, stress and in the worst moments I feel uncomfortable and I would like to escape. Earlier I saw guys normally and now, "the brain tells me they are cute" but i fell nothing for them (no romantic or physical , I am convinced that this is a well-known HOCD trick that says that if you crossed the border (escalation), you are changed and you are not like the moment when I had it once when I started to compulsively check if I was gay (since 2018 I had then 10 years with pornography - like RedTube or something like that, but this pseudo-attraction passed and did not escalate, although I was normal a few weeks ago. But addiction needed more dopamine and escalated to a couple I know I will not touch them, but I feel fear in their vicinity, no excitement, but it's horrible ... Escalation of porn + Classic HOCD + Low testosterone has become the scariest thing I've ever had. Escalation of porn + Classic HOCD + Low testhosterone has become the most terrible thing I've ever met, I'd rather die than be bisexual / gay, I'm not real I which I was recently. It's good that tomorrow I have a meeting with a doctor, maybe it will help me and rebuild myself, all my libido fell to 0. At least it will be easier to start a porn reboot. A colleague above is gay or bisexual and I am not. I feel that porn has infected my brain and said that no matter who is having sex is going to be shocking (no matter if it's a Woman and Dog / Horse, Man and Trans or two Gays.) A colleague above had an attraction for guys against porn and also quick escalated to gay porn because I found them all attractive. I did not have this year, only when my HOCD standard started to test gay movies, to check if I'm excited, everything got worse (But I did not have any attractions). Later, however, I started to escalate to many strange things (including gay porn). And when HOCD + Long Term Porn Escalation crossed my hell it became the strongest in my life (And also my depression, I have a melancholy character but there was no such thing).

    It seems to me that I am completely different than colleague above. Everyone deserves to be lucky, but my nervous thoughts about homosexuality are pure pain. The only positive thing is that just such a catastrophe, will force me to abandon the addiction (Watching all genres of porn because of escalation I have not stopped watching old type of porn and chicks was still hot for me (but from a few days thinking about escalation and HOCD have made my libido and testosterone remnants dropped to 0) Tomorrow I will tell the doctor everything and let God be with me, I want to be like I used to be and even stronger.

    In this depression I think about my childhood, I was happy and free then. It seemed to me that nothing bad would happen to me and my future would be good and I would achieve my goals with joy. Now everything seems as empty inside as me alone. Life has lost its sense and taste, it seems to me that time changes everything for worse and I stay in place. While others are developing and do not have such problems.

    But it's time to try to stop it and take up the fight for my own real life and my image that I want to have.

    Greetings to all forum members. I must be strong and survive this. o_O

    Update: Again, I could not see the picture of a half-naked woman and masturbated for a movie with a beautiful, liberated blonde. I let myself be caught. Trying again. Tomorrow a visit to the doctor and maybe it will give me a good reason to stop it.

    ps. But with a better frame of mind, stupid thoughts disappeared or diminished. So it must be neurosis.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2019

Share This Page