Having self-respect

Exactly, sometimes we prioritize others' interests than ours. That might be good if they are your important ones and they respect you. However, if they are not and they don't appreciate you, then fxxk it. Just say no to people who take you for granted.

 

@FormerFapaholic Great post! I’ve recently finished a fantastic book on assertiveness and I highly recommend it. It’s called Your Perfect Right by Dr Robert Alberti.

 

Great post, thanks for sharing.
As long as we're honest to ourselves, being firm and assertive is a great virtue. Maybe some people will bitch and whine, but in reality, you are showing them the way by acting with self-respect. They whine because they don't have any.

 

Setting boundaries and standards is great.

People who don't have a strong sense of self, desires, or intentions tend to get pulled into other people's lives who do have those things. Things like porn and media do this as well.

Do what you want. Don't trade what you want and who you are for being liked by others for someone that you are not. Don't act in a way that you think other people will like you for. Don't trade your authenticity in order to avoid conflict and tension. If you continue to do this and stay true to who you are, then you'll attract the right people rather than being liked by a lot of people you don't care about who like you for somebody that you are not. Self respect is placing importance on yourself, desires, and intentions.

 

It's weird because once you start doing this and saying no to past people that aren't aligned with who you truly are... out of nowhere they suddenly want to invite you out and talk to you more. It's like the thing with the crabs in a pot of boiling water... once one crab is just about to get out of the pot the other crabs pull that crab down.

Find your better place, with better people, as a better version of yourself. Be ruthless with the other crabs trying to pull you back down to the pot of boiling water.

 

Just for another similar perspective. Being married, I truly desire to be a person my wife respects. This is because I love her and like having her around!

The only other person I want to be is better than I was yesterday. This is wisdom. Because we can all improve, like @elevate says about being a better version of yourself. That's not about changing looks or talents, though. For me, it's about better using our gifts and better serving others with our time.

 

I will be 32 in two weeks and never loved myself. I am slowly starting to accept myself and accept that I cannot change things. The only thing I can change is me! Nofap certainly played a big part in my change of thinking. I am still at the start of road. But I am sure I will be free and happy after reboot. In my country they say: if you don't make it till 40 you will never make it. I have 8 years to become the best version of myself.

 

Jordan Peterson and his talk about 'integrating your shadow' helped me greatly with self-respect