Having self-respect

FormerFapaholic

FormerFapaholic

Fapstronaut
WITH making NoFap a lifestyle choice for nearly a year now as I write this. It’s been a great background catalyst in improving me and my life. Dealing with triggers, urges and relapses have been real learning curves for me. But tackling and overcoming my addiction to porn has made a bigger impact on me than I could’ve predicted.

I’ve really been discovering more about myself and who I am. Becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I know I have my flaws and accepted that I'm not perfect. We're all human and no one is perfect.

One of the major self-improvements I’ve been making is on gaining and having more self-respect. Living my life and loving me for who I am. Worry about and concentrate on the things that really matter. Where everyone and everything else is concerned, I’ve learnt over time that a lot of people and a lot of things don’t really matter.

But when it comes to having more self-respect. I’ve learnt that being assertive is key to having self-respect. Be assertive, and it’s OK to say ‘no’ to people – and you don’t have to explain on why either. If you do, keep it brief and straight to the point.

You will get those that try and talk you into changing your mind. Still, keep your stance and still say NO. Then it’s (usually) end of discussion. However, if they throw tantrums or fall out with you as a result. Their loss. They may think you’re being ‘mean’, ‘selfish’, 'awkward', etc. But the bottom line is you have some self-respect and you should never feel guilty of saying no. More so if saying yes makes you feel a bit shitty for doing the favours, when people don't show appreciation or gratitude for what you've done for them.

What helps in becoming assertive, is having and setting your own boundaries with the standards that you set for yourself.

I used to be uncomfortable over saying 'no' to people and being guilty when I have. This is because I have always unconsciously put others before me. Over time, I’ve been putting me first. My needs come first. I don’t mind helping people providing they genuinely need help and appreciate what I do for them. But I won’t do it if I haven’t put myself first, or if they start taking liberties. Saying 'no' becomes second nature when you do it more often. I’ve also noticed that people have more respect for me from being assertive and having boundaries.
 
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Exactly, sometimes we prioritize others' interests than ours. That might be good if they are your important ones and they respect you. However, if they are not and they don't appreciate you, then fxxk it. Just say no to people who take you for granted.
 
Great post, thanks for sharing.
As long as we're honest to ourselves, being firm and assertive is a great virtue. Maybe some people will bitch and whine, but in reality, you are showing them the way by acting with self-respect. They whine because they don't have any.
 
Setting boundaries and standards is great.

People who don't have a strong sense of self, desires, or intentions tend to get pulled into other people's lives who do have those things. Things like porn and media do this as well.

Do what you want. Don't trade what you want and who you are for being liked by others for someone that you are not. Don't act in a way that you think other people will like you for. Don't trade your authenticity in order to avoid conflict and tension. If you continue to do this and stay true to who you are, then you'll attract the right people rather than being liked by a lot of people you don't care about who like you for somebody that you are not. Self respect is placing importance on yourself, desires, and intentions.
 
elevate said:
Setting boundaries and standards is great.

People who don't have a strong sense of self, desires, or intentions tend to get pulled into other people's lives who do have those things. Things like porn and media do this as well.

Do what you want. Don't trade what you want and who you are for being liked by others for someone that you are not. Don't act in a way that you think other people will like you for. Don't trade your authenticity in order to avoid conflict and tension. If you continue to do this and stay true to who you are, then you'll attract the right people rather than being liked by a lot of people you don't care about who like you for somebody that you are not. Self respect is placing importance on yourself, desires, and intentions.
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Exactly, I don’t need validation from others to live a happy life. I don’t exist to please others, and I firmly believe in that. Live my life for me, and I have more self worth and self respect.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” - Kurt Cobain
 
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It's weird because once you start doing this and saying no to past people that aren't aligned with who you truly are... out of nowhere they suddenly want to invite you out and talk to you more. It's like the thing with the crabs in a pot of boiling water... once one crab is just about to get out of the pot the other crabs pull that crab down.

Find your better place, with better people, as a better version of yourself. Be ruthless with the other crabs trying to pull you back down to the pot of boiling water.
 
FormerFapaholic said:
Exactly, I don’t need validation from others to live a happy life. I don’t exist to please others, and I firmly believe in that. Live my life for me, and I have more self worth and self respect.
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Just for another similar perspective. Being married, I truly desire to be a person my wife respects. This is because I love her and like having her around! :)

The only other person I want to be is better than I was yesterday. This is wisdom. Because we can all improve, like @elevate says about being a better version of yourself. That's not about changing looks or talents, though. For me, it's about better using our gifts and better serving others with our time.
 
FormerFapaholic said:
One of the major self-improvements I’ve been making is on gaining and having more self-respect. Living my life and loving me for who I am. Worry about and concentrate on the things that really matter. Where everyone and everything else is concerned, I’ve learnt over time that a lot of people and a lot of things don’t really matter.
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I will be 32 in two weeks and never loved myself. I am slowly starting to accept myself and accept that I cannot change things. The only thing I can change is me! Nofap certainly played a big part in my change of thinking. I am still at the start of road. But I am sure I will be free and happy after reboot. In my country they say: if you don't make it till 40 you will never make it. I have 8 years to become the best version of myself.
 
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