Having sex while rebooting ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Raptor Jesus, May 2, 2017.

  1. Raptor Jesus

    Raptor Jesus Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fapstronauts,

    I've decided to start NoFap this evening, and I was wondering something as I was setting up my list of dos and donts :

    -Is it ok to have sex with my girlfriend while rebooting ? If not, what is the impact sex can have on your rebooting/recovery ?

    I have made some research on the subject but have not found any definitive answer.

    I'm asking because during my last try, I had sex my my special someone (it was amazing btw, best O I had in years) but I was wondering if it could have an impact on my brain/recovery/relationship ?

    I know keeping away from P M and O is the best way to rewire the brain to a normal state, but is O through healthy sex still a bad thing ?


    Thanks a lot :)
     
  2. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    Generally, people will say no sex is best. It allows for a relatively Dopamine free reset. Also, there is less anxiety from short term performance-related issues during the reset (ED during flatline).

    That being said, abstinence for up to 90 days is not always possible. You need a very supportive SO for that.
     
  3. ...or a SO as angry as I am who refuses to have sex with you ;-)
     
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  4. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    ...that is evidently that angry but not angry enough to leave, yes.

    Good point.
     
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  5. Raptor Jesus

    Raptor Jesus Fapstronaut

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    Haha, thanks for the reply. :)

    It should not be a huge problem, as my gf is not a very sexual person.

    In the eventuality of me having sex with my gf before the end of the 90 days, does it mean I will have to restart from the beginning ?
     
  6. That is totally up to you and probably depends what "no PMO" means to you. Hard reboot means "NO ANYTHING", but many here don't do the "hard" part (I almost made a bad joke here :-O )
     
  7. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

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    It depends on your difficulties and your goals. Mine is connecting intimately in a healthy way, because there has been no sex at all for years. So my "abstinence" is about not engaging in sex alone, but only with my husband, with whom I am now, thankfully, reconnected.
     
  8. QCA

    QCA Fapstronaut

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    I am one of the folks trying to abstain from p/m but not sex with my wife. In my mind the whole point of this is to have a healthy sex life instead of an unhealthy one which includes sex with your significant other and most definitely does not include porn.

    The science is over my head. I may be doing it wrong but so far it is making my life better. Your mileage may vary.

    Good luck.
     
  9. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    As they say, "Your milage may vary." If it works, it works. For me, my greatest fear (and I know because I had this thought process a year ago when I forst tried to quit P) was that I wanted a direct replacement. I wanted to have sex with my SO to replace the porn, and it basically objectified and used her.

    Not saying that will happen in every case.
     
    Always_moving_forward likes this.
  10. i also found myself in the most healthy relationship of my life but sexually crippled due to years of PMO and other issues. Initially we'd agreed to mutually abstain for 60 days so i could reboot but within two weeks and a romantic evening together we reconsummated our sexual attractions with no problem or no prior discussion... what happened was mutually felt and expressed, okay so the next day we agreed upon no porn no masterbation only physical interaction when it felt appropriate. In my case, and i realize everyone is different, it's been a self esteem builder and also has deepened my love for her...
    i was up front with her about my issues including substance abuse before we ever became lovers, it's not she's trying to reward me or anything like that but more like i feel our love and attraction has more strength that the phantom world of drugs and porn
    one thing i do see as being different than some of the post i've read is there's no history of secrecy or lying so i can engage in PMO rather than be a partner
    i feel it's a matter of honesty to admit that i am not sure i'd be as focused on overcoming these issues without her influence...
    i once tried to deal with my PMO by participating in a men's support group thru Church, the leader and literature purported we became this way because we no longer trust anyone with our O
    i am trusting her and for all the right reasons
     
  11. Will_power_now

    Will_power_now Fapstronaut

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    There is something special about the term "No PMO"
    If you have sex, the O is missing in the term, so you can't enjoy this journey to the fullest.
    I did the experience and for me it was a huge difference not to orgasm..-->semen retention

    I'm thinking about it again. Man if I didn't have porn/masturbation/orgasm for a while, i feel like a beast!
     
  12. Ruttiger

    Ruttiger Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure about that. Each person is different, but many on this site (myself included) are trying to once again reach healthy sex lives with their partners. I don't think you HAVE to do this whole PMO thing to do that. Just because that's what works for you, great, but I don't think anyone should speak in absolutes as to what should be done here.
     
  13. Will_power_now

    Will_power_now Fapstronaut

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    Semen retention is a true story. But you are right. It's not for everybody here. Some people don't need to go the hard mode. You are absolutely right.
    I was also on no PM. Now I go back to no PMO.
     
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  14. MaxHeadroom

    MaxHeadroom Fapstronaut

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    My reboot is no P or M and only O from a partner and or stimulation provided by a partner not myself. My goal is to re-program my mind to find sexual gratification from a woman and the stimulation provided by a woman and not from images on a screen and my hand. To do this, I felt that I need that occasional sexual stimulation and O and I feel nothing wrong with that. If you didn't have a partner then you might as well go for PMO for 30, 60 or 90 days.
     
  15. No. This shit is just for porn and masturbation, not sex. You don't relapse or reset because of sex. Now will having sex make your reboot process take longer? Possibly, but you don't count these as a relapse/reset. That is unless you're some type of sex addict and are trying to be sexually sober, then sure. Count it. But that addiction is not the focus of NoFap, which I think they should address it since some of the people here are just looking to get rid of one addiction so they can have another.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2017
  16. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    There is not really one answer fits all in this situation. That's probably why you can't find one. I am a SO and my partner has been in reboot for almost 90 days now. He had porn induced delayed ejaculation. He could not O any other way than from his own hand. When he quit I was able to make him O within a week. And it just keeps improving. I can now so it in under 10 minutes and it took hours before. For him seeing these improvements gives him motivation. Part of his issue was that he felt it was okay to continue to PMO because in his mind it had nothing to do with his DE. Now that he sees it did he's very motivated never to go back. If it's a long term relationship I think having sex is good for both of you but that may not be the case in your situation. Ask yourself does having sex trigger you to want to PMO? Is it best to avoid all stimulus for you? If you have issues preforming in bed will that trigger you to PMO? Like hey I gave this up and it's still not working what's the point? If you do decide to have sex my advice is tell yourself you can only O from her, do not use your hand even with her there. You can only O with her. And of course she needs to be on board and aware of all of this for it to work.
     
  17. Woowoozy

    Woowoozy Fapstronaut

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    I just found NOFAP and want to institute it into my life. I used to do 12-steps for sex and love addiction in LA. I went 7 months with no porn/mastubation/sex. It was a great time of my life. I was going to meetings every day. I ended up dating someone and started having the best sex of my life. But then I fell into masturbation again (that was 2012) and haven't stopped. I am happily married now and am still masturbating to porn about 2x/week. I want to cut it out entirely.


    I am looking for a live internet or phone meeting. Does anything like that exist?
     
  18. DocT

    DocT Fapstronaut

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    full PMO without a partner is damn BEFORE I RELAPSED MY DAY 30 was madly sex crazed. i had to go and fuck a hooker. i eventually relapsed to the chaser effect. i think onle a caring partner can give you all the sexual stimulation you need to maintain a no orgasm streak
     
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  19. Cjb1990

    Cjb1990 New Fapstronaut

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    I joined for the same reason...I seem to have trouble with RE that’s always seemed to happen...and now in a relationship where tables have turned (used to be receptive partner only). Time to face up to the fact that I was using porn and masturbating excessively. Congratulations to you and your husband
     
  20. shagy5149

    shagy5149 New Fapstronaut

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    I had never been in a help forum or something like this ... we all have our internal fight mine is the pmo and I hope this helps
     

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