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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Jrmz94, Oct 5, 2019.
Every man's dream woman.
Never mix sex and the work place.
Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.
It has as 10% chance of succeeding long term (Don't fool yourself into thinking getting laid and it's good is a success... read below), 90% chance of blowing up in your face long term. Absolutely terrible odds, and when it blows up you are out a LOT.
Pros, best case: You get laid, it's great. Maybe you even start a relationship. Everything goes fine. 10% chance of this happening.
Cons: It goes poorly, the whole office knows. Maybe you have a relationship and you piss her off, sexual harassment claims.
The bottom line is, you will always have your dirty laundry aired out at work. You are the office target of gossip, you never have full privacy to your coworkers ever again. People always know things about you they shouldn't. You find Larry from accounting knows you banged Beth from sales and she said yeah, you smell like potato salad in your navel ... because you pissed her off accidentally with a text message phrased the wrong way.
Or she has a thing for you and wants to date, or you have a thing for her and she doesn't want to date ... and it gets awkward. So she tells the people she sees every day about it... your coworkers.
I'm trying to be funny here but the message is 100% serious.
It could literally go south so fast as you hit on her and she goes:
EWWW That guy I don't like is hitting on me, HR he's being inappropriate!
And whammo, you are out work.
It can go south in literally 30 seconds as a man in the workplace and there is no recourse for it.
Never shit where you eat.
I'm an older guy, I've been around and seen some stuff.
Don't do it my man, plenty of fish in the sea.
Alright, the adult in me is gonna have to agree with all these other gentlemen. Don't do it man
As much as it pains me to say that. lol
One other thing to keep in mind?
If she's the nerdy, dorky adorable type?
50% chance she's single because she wants to be, 20% chance she's in a relationship not listed on FB, 20 percent chance she's crazy has baggage or is stuck on a previous relationship, 10 percent chance it's your lucky day.
There are 100,000 gamer dudes ready to lick her toes at any second. Keep that in mind. It is what it is.
If it was a situation outside the workplace, I'd still try for it, but keep in mind the odds I just said along with the potential for drama mentioned in my post above and ... it's not a roll of the dice I'd take.
Don't do it.
So... you know of her from work.... but found her on facebook? No bueno dude, don't look up girls via facebook to date them, this doesn't happen unless you're a natural player. If you have to ask us what to do, this particular route is not going to work, with huge potential for downsides at work, so forget about it.
You need to begin by meeting girls in real life and talking to them until you get good at asking them out on dates.
This whole situation bothers me.
1. You're clearly not appreciating this woman. Is there anything about her personality you enjoy? Even the most base player generally finds something of REAL interest about a woman. That's why salespeople (basically just players with money) find such success. You need REAL interest in a woman to form a connection. She's a nerd, who maybe works out, and is maybe single? That's all you know? Dig deeper.
2. You're a virgin. You're ready to throw away your virginity on a woman you fail to appreciate, know little about, and find generally average/below-average?
3. You have NO idea how you'll respond to sex with her, if you do in fact end up having sex. You could EASILY end up worshiping her to the point where you chase her away. If she's more experienced than you, or just not interested, you could end up in a deep depression/spiral badly into PMO. You do not understand the psychological costs associated with using a hookup to lose your virginity. Do not do this.
Forget respecting her, you need to respect yourself. If you're a virgin, and an adult, you need to seriously ponder the value/worth of staying a virgin until marriage. Not many adults keep their virginity until marriage, and it does increase your odds of marital success. Virginity carries real value for men and woman alike. If I possessed the ability to marry as a virgin, to a virgin, I'd sell my soul (almost) for that experience. Not due to the sex, but due to the authentic connection we'd possess. I'll never know that connection, and it hurts my soul to think of my lost connection to a wife who won't ever exist.
Tl;Dr Essentially, you're willing to compromise a future marriage for a woman you seem to barely know/barely appreciate, without considering the potential consequences on the rest of your life/mental health.
Hang out after work but it should go no further. Depending on where you work and what you do, you may run into legal problems. I advise against it if either of you are in the same chain of command and one of you is a supervisor of the other.
This sounds like a #metoo case waiting to happen. Be careful about false accusations of rape.